Jokes To Offend Everybody

[jcheckers]

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 2 black and 2 Mexican
Guys arrive.

St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be
Right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be
Racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are
Brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."

"Who, the black and Mexican guys?" asked God.


"No. The Pearly Gates."

[elviacannon]

Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.

While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'
[URL=**************[/URL]

[Spark]

Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.

While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'
[URL=**************[/URL]

Please stop posting URL's. Not allowed on this site


Thanks

[kbsooner21]

From the chicago police chief:
The city of chicago police department has announced this morning
that all german shepherd police dogs will be replaced by coon hounds
due to the fact that the city is not having any problems with germans.

[kbsooner21]

My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.
Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.
Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.
Then disown me and never talk to me again.
And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.

Well, she didn't put it quite like that.. she actually said...


"Dad I have decided to work for Obama's reelection campaign."

[kbsooner21]

One day in the future, Barack
Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where
the devil is waiting for him.



"I don't know what to do here,"
says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to
do. I've got a couple of folks here
who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded
pretty good, so the devil opened
the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a
large pool of water. Ted kept
diving in, and surfacing, empty
handed. Over, and over, and
over he dived in and surfaced
with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think
so. I'm not a good swimmer, and
I don't think I could do that all
day long."

The devil led him to the door of
the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-
hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got
this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if
all I could do was break rocks
all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door.
Through it, Obama saw Bill
Clinton, lying on the bed, his
arms tied over his head, and his
legs restrained in a spread-eagle
pose. Bent over him was Monica
Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked
disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........





(This is priceless...)




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[moondog22]

From the chicago police chief:
The city of chicago police department has announced this morning
that all german shepherd police dogs will be replaced by coon hounds
due to the fact that the city is not having any problems with germans.

[moondog22]

One day in the future, Barack
Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where
the devil is waiting for him.



"I don't know what to do here,"
says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to
do. I've got a couple of folks here
who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded
pretty good, so the devil opened
the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a
large pool of water. Ted kept
diving in, and surfacing, empty
handed. Over, and over, and
over he dived in and surfaced
with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think
so. I'm not a good swimmer, and
I don't think I could do that all
day long."

The devil led him to the door of
the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-
hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got
this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if
all I could do was break rocks
all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door.
Through it, Obama saw Bill
Clinton, lying on the bed, his
arms tied over his head, and his
legs restrained in a spread-eagle
pose. Bent over him was Monica
Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked
disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........





(This is priceless...)




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[Spark]

Some guy just knocked on my door, selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”

[Spark]

Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”

[Spark]

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

[jcindaville]

Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”

Bahahahahahabaha

[elviacannon]

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.
A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"

The young man answered, "Yes, I did."

To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

[Spark]