Jokes To Offend Everybody

[Spark]

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar...

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins ...'once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States .

[Spark]

Q: Why aren’t there any Wal-Marts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there’s a Target on every corner!

Q: What do you call a Mexican getting baptised?
A: Bean dip!

Q: What’s faster than a speeding bullet?
A: A Jew with a coupon.

Q: What’s the most common pickup line in a gay bar?
A: May I push your stool in?

Q: Why do white people like to play hockey?
A: It’s the only way they can beat up something black without being a cop.

[Spark]

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest dick."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

[Spark]

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because every Mexican who can run, jump and swim is already in the United States

[Spark]

A jew goes to the store with his son. His son asks him, "Dad, can I have 5 dollars?" The dad says, "4 dollars.... what do you need 3 dollars for?"
__________________

[Spark]

An Italian, an Irishmen, and Polish guy are all working construction on the 100th floor of a building. The Italian opens his lunch box and sees an Italian sub. He says, "I'm so sick of the same food every day. If I have an Italian sub tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building." The Irish guy opens his lunch box and sees corned beef. He says, "I'm so sick of the same food every day. If I have corned beef tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building." The Polish guy opens his lunch box and sees a polish sausage. he says, I'm so sick of this. If I have polish sausage again tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building."

At lunch time the next day, all three men open their lunch boxes to find the same food they ate yesterday. Sure enough, all three men jump off the building and die.

At the funeral, the Italian wife says, "if I only knew he didn't want an Italian sub, I would have cooked him something else". The Irish wife hears her and says, "if I only knew my husband didn't want corned beef, I would have cooked him something else". The Polish wife turns to the both of them and says, "HE MADE HIS OWN LUNCH LAST NIGHT."
__________________

[Spark]

How does Santa know he's at a Jewish house?

There's a parking meter on the roof

[Spark]

what's the difference between a canoe and jews?

canoes tip

[Spark]

Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear
hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR
LEFT“ so they went home.
__________________

[Spark]

Three queers are sitting outside a funeral home. The first one says "My lover Percy was an boat captain, and he loved to sail the sea. I am going to take his ashes out to sea". The second one says "That's a wonderful idea Brucey. My lover Patrick was an airplane pilot, and he loved to fly. I would like to do something like that, perhaps from a helicopter I could let him fly one last time". The third one says "You two fags, just gave me an excellent idea. My man Rocco was a great lover. I'm going to make a pot of spicey chile and mix his ashes in it so he can tear my ass up again"

[Spark]

What did the 12 year old girl from Mississippi say during sex?

"Get off me Daddy, you're crushin' my smokes..."

[MarkLemke]

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar...

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins ...'once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States .

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because every Mexican who can run, jump and swim is already in the United States

spark you are just the best...

[Spark]

Thanks Mark ...


I have more that are sorta nasty ... funny as hell but nasty \

I did not want to upset anyone around here ... Not too sure who can take a joke and who can't ...

[insidethe8thpol]

[poskid]

Thanks Mark ...


I have more that are sorta nasty ... funny as hell but nasty \

I did not want to upset anyone around here ... Not too sure who can take a joke and who can't ...

Who cares. Fuck'em if they cant take a joke.

PK