Jokes To Offend Everybody

[Jamaicanman]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.

He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. Exactly, what did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."

[kbsooner21]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, " you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.

He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. Exactly, what did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."

[vols fan]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.

He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. Exactly, what did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."

[Adley03]

one of my personal favorite . . . !!!


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful

younger sister.


My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She

would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to

be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was

near anyone else.


One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

and made a beeline straight to the front door. I

opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better

man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[PhilJr]

JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
( I don't care what party you like, this one's funny)

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and
asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give
Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a
cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of
hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches.
He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's
about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold
beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him
and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the
strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up
and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips
out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me, I'm collecting disability."

[Spark]

Well, Obama recently signed the bill that allows gays to serve openly in the Military,

No more don't ask don't tell.

But what has he really done, but cause more confusion in the ranks.

This is what now can happen. So for the moment, imagine....................

You're in a combat situation, the enemy is firing at you, and running toward your position........

The guy next to you is openly gay, when someone yells out..........

"Shoot the cocksucker!"

Now do you see the confusion?

[ToDaClub]

A redneck's wife just gave birth. The Nurse says "Congratulations, Your wife just had quints, 5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised,
I have a penis on me like a chimney!"

The nurse replies,
"You might want to consider getting it cleaned..The babies are all black!.

[kbsooner21]

The Red Cross just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway

[Spark]

Terror strikes the parade on MLK day

[kbsooner21]

[Spark]

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
Mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I have not eaten for two days'
I told him 'I wish I had your will power'
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I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
Commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.
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A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'Sorry
About the wait.'
I said 'don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually '
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I walked past an aboriginal kid apparently begging at a Bus Stop as I
Came out of the Bank. He looked at me and said 'Any Change'
I said 'Nope! You're still Black'
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Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting six
Inches tonight..... I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!
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An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead
Oh bejaysus the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?’
The boy replies ‘No thanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at
The moment’.
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I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how
Gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and
I always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does
This damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
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Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
Sandwich works best!
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Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense
Shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
With her mouth closed.
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I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
Could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
Yourself I'm going to take that.
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I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question
Which I got wrong. The question was "Where do women have the curliest
Hair?"
Apparently, the answer I should have given was Fiji ...

[jcheckers]

The Business deal

A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38.

The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jew's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."

"Business is Business"

[moondog22]

Terror strikes the parade on MLK day

[Spark]

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 2 black and 2 Mexican
Guys arrive.

St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be
Right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be
Racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are
Brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."

"Who, the black and Mexican guys?" asked God.


"No. The Pearly Gates."

[elviacannon]

A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."

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