Jokes To Offend Everybody

[MarkLemke]

Are you laughing at the joke or the part about Substituting Spark anywhere you see Grandpa????

i completely envision 'spark' everywhere it says 'grandpa'

[Spark]

i completely envision 'spark' everywhere it says 'grandpa'

to you too Mister ..

[vols fan]

Are you laughing at the joke or the part about Substituting Spark anywhere you see Grandpa????

More the part Grandpa(Spark) said he was a great gambler

[Spark]

hahahahahahahaha


Now I know that is not me ...

[vols fan]

hahahahahahahaha


Now I know that is not me ...

Just got home from joining back at the gym Spark.Fat boy is fixin to be back slim and trim

[vols fan]

Just got home from joining back at the gym Spark.Fat boy is fixin to be back slim and trim

I left a year ago cause we had a family package and Dixie was pregnant so I cancelled it.I was 5' 10" 215 benching up to 250-275. Now I'm 5' 10" 225 and will struggle to throw up 200 I will be back though.I'm getting nasty this time

[Spark]

I left a year ago cause we had a family package and Dixie was pregnant so I cancelled it.I was 5' 10" 215 benching up to 250-275. Now I'm 5' 10" 225 and will struggle to throw up 200 I will be back though.I'm getting nasty this time

Good for you vols ... I am sure you will feel much better ...


Maybe MM can give you some pointers ...

[Jamaicanman]

A san francisco love story

A SAN FRANCISCO LOVE
STORY

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it???

[vols fan]

Good for you vols ... I am sure you will feel much better ...


Maybe MM can give you some pointers ...

Maybe I should read his post towards me in between sets of lifting to get me motivated

[Spark]

> What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

> Juan on Juan

>

> What is a Yankee?

> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

>

> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

> The position of the dirt bag

>

> Why is divorce so expensive?

> Because it's worth it.

>

> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

> Doughnuts?

>

> Why is air a lot like sex?

> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

>

> What do you call a smart blonde?

> A golden retriever.

>

> What do attorneys use for birth control?

> Their personalities.

>

> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

> 45 lbs

>

> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

> 45 minutes

>

> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

> Through his chest with a sharp knife.

>

> Why do men want to marry virgins?

> They can't stand criticism.

>

> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and
good-looking?

> Because those men already have boyfriends.

>

> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

>

> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have

> no intention of driving.

>

> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

> Because they have cotton balls.

>

> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

>

> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

> "Are you sure it's mine?"

>

> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

> Mace will do that to you.

>

> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?

> Everyone has the same DNA.

>

> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

> Breasts don't have eyes.

>

> What's the difference between a new girlfriend and a new dog?

> After 2 weeks, you still call the dog.

>

> Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

> He walks around saying "Yo."

>

> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class

> uses it.

>

> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

> A different bar.

>

> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

> They named him "Sum Ting Wong

>

> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?

> A speech impediment.

>

> What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?

> They're hiring.

>

> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on

> the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

>

> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

>

> Why is there no Disneyland in China?

> No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

>

> AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST

>

> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?

> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A

> southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe

> this shit.

[Spark]

> Mexican
> Words Of The Day
>
>
>
> 1. *Cheese*
>
> The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a
> sentence.
>
> Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
>
>
>
> 2. *Mushroom*
>
> When all my family get in the car
>
> There's not mushroom.
>
>
>
> 3. *Shoulder*
>
> My fren wants 2 become a citizen,
>
> But che didn't know how to read,
>
> So I, shoulder.
>
>
>
> 4. * Texas *
>
> When I'm not home,
>
> My fren always Texas me,
>
> Che wonders where I am!
>
>
>
> 5. *Herpes*
>
> Me and my fren ordered pizza.
>
> I got mine piece
>
> Then che got herpes.
>
>
>
> 6. *July*
>
> Ju told me ju were going to tha store
>
> But ju went to see sum guy,
>
> July to me! Julyer!
>
>
>
> 7. *Rectum*
>
> I had 2 cars
>
> But my wife rectum!
>
>
>
> 8. *Chicken*
>
> I was going to go to the store with my wife
>
> But che said chicken go herself.
>
>
>
> 9. *Wheelchair*
>
> We only have one enchilada left
>
> But don't worry wheelchair
>
>
>
> 10. *Chicken* *wing*
>
> My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
>
>
>
> 11. *Harassment*
>
> My wife caught me in bed with another women.
>
> I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
>
>
>
> 12. * Bishop *
>
> My wife fell down the stair
>
> So I had to pick the bishop.
>
>
>
> 13. *Body wash*
>
> I want to go to the club
>
> But no body wash my kids.
>
>
>
> 14. *Budweiser*
>
> That women has a nice body,
>
> Budweiser face so ugly?
>

[BattersUp!]

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

[Stern162]

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days.









When I were a boy, Momma would sent me down to t'corner store
with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes,
two loaves o' bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese,
a packet of tea, and half a dozen eggs.
Ya' can't do that now.

Too many fuckin' security cameras."

[Stern162]

FOX NEWS BOWS TO THE PRESSURE:


Fox is already cowering down to the President.

In response to President Obama's complaint that FOX News doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network.

FOX has announced that they will now air " America 's Most Wanted"

TWICE a week..

[Spark]

The Blue Pigeon.

The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix .

He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop, the people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads.

It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.

'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.
Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.'

The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky.

All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.

The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.

The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?

Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?


Nooooooo!

The mayor asked:





'Do you have a blue Mexican?'