1- Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the
car, I will fiddle with a
coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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2- Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I
used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't
know where to start." We will then drink a couple of
beers and break wind,
as a form of holy communion.
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3- Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need
someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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4- Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to
purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items
like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are
the same thing.
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5- Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances
stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me
twice as much once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back
together.
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6- Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I
may miss a whole show
looking for it, though one time I was able to
survive by holding a
calculator instead (applies to engineers only)
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7- Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me
what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
sports or sex. I have to
make up something else when you ask, so just don't
ask.
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8- Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I
liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . .
and if you are feeling
amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at
least remember the name and
recommend it to others.
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9- Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is
fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.
Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
without it, looks fine.
It does not make your ass look too big. It was the
pasta and potatoes and
margaritas that did that.
Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
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10- Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the
year 2007, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do
the rest. Like
wandering around in the garden with a beer,
wondering what to do.
Because when im at WORK thats what i do is WORK and not sit around a computer all day long Maybe one of these days I will be like you lazy fucks and sit around a computer all day long while im supposed to be "Working"
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