The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
Morning everyone. Going to OU/Tulsa 11:00 game tomorrow. My sons got me a ticket for my birthday. It was a thoughtful gift and it will be good to see my youngest who's coming up from Austin. Unfortunately, they expect me to be in Norman at 8:30 in the a.m. ready to tailgate. I guess I should probably not be at the blackjack table until 2 a.m. as is customary on any given Friday evening.
Just remember Garth. The only cure to a hangover is a start over Oh and a mt dew and V8 Spice but make sure you're near a shitter!!!
The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
Mental note, turn off cell phone during Tenn, Oregon game
But then I miss my kids calling asking what the score is and who is winning. Oh if it was my weekend with them I would shut that fucker off till Monday. Unless Vols win and hell y'all might be shutting your phones off cause of me
But then I miss my kids calling asking what the score is and who is winning. Oh if it was my weekend with them I would shut that fucker off till Monday. Unless Vols win and hell y'all might be shutting your phones off cause of me
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