Urgent Please Read/respond!!!! Part 2

[kbsooner21]

No she never buys me flowers. Damm, she's lucky I keep her around.

[Ldawg]

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.


My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.


The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"


A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

OMG Funny stuff club ... congrats on hanging in there for 30 long years ! You are probably lucky, like me (33/35 and counting) no one else would put up with us for that long...
congrats

[Spark]

Morning Everyone

[ToDaClub]

Morning Joe, morning guys.

[kbsooner21]

Hey all

[10DimeBry]

What up peeps?

[Ldawg]

What up peeps?

Good job thread killer ....

[ToDaClub]

Morning gents





I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"

And that's the last thing I remember.

[kbsooner21]

Good jokes lately Club

[baseballdave]

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text...



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.



If you are laughing, send me your smile.



If you are eating, send me a bite.



If you are drinking, send me a sip.



If you are crying, send me your tears.



I love you."





He replied..."I'm on the toilet…What should I do?"

[ToDaClub]

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text...



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.



If you are laughing, send me your smile.



If you are eating, send me a bite.



If you are drinking, send me a sip.



If you are crying, send me your tears.



I love you."





He replied..."I'm on the toilet…What should I do?"

LMFAO!!!!

[jcindaville]

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text...



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.



If you are laughing, send me your smile.



If you are eating, send me a bite.



If you are drinking, send me a sip.



If you are crying, send me your tears.



I love you."





He replied..."I'm on the toilet…What should I do?"

[ToDaClub]

Might actually have to take Clubs advice and go to diet coke with my Crown

Another reason to switch to diet with your Crown, You'll get shit faced faster!!
The simple choice of whether or not to mix liquor with a diet or regular soda may affect how intoxicated you get, a new study suggests.

In the study, men and women ages 21 to 33 who drank vodka mixed with diet soda had breath alcohol concentrations that were 18 percent higher after 40 minutes compared with people who drank the same dose of vodka mixed with regular soda.

In fact, after three to four drinks, people who used diet soda as a mixer had a breath alcohol level that exceeded the legal limit for an adult operating a motor vehicle. People who used regular soda in their drink did not.

What's more, people who used diet mixers scored more poorly on a test of reaction time that people who used regular mixers, although both groups reported feeling similar levels of intoxication.

The study was small — just eight men and eight women participated — so more research is needed to confirm the findings. And although results from breath alcohol tests are usually consistent with those from tests of blood alcohol, there can sometimes be a discrepancy between the two methods, so the study should be replicated using blood alcohol tests, the researchers said

[griffey_mojo]

If this is true...this guy should be rewarded!!!

[ToDaClub]

KMPH FOX 26 | Central San Joaquin Valley News Source


This is from the fox news network affiliate page for San Joaquin Valley. KMPH. Sure looks real to me. I'm guessing Kaz would have been there with his camera!!! Maybe he can double confirm

Signed,

Club Investigations