Cnotes Joke of the Day........Enjoy the day with a laugh !!

[StarDust Bum]

The Last Lifeline
Irish Bobby went to American for his dream to make a lot of money.

Luck striking like lightning, he found himself invited to "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."

Many questions later and he is doing rather well. He is at the final question for a million dollars, he has only one lifeline left - phone a friend.

The question comes: "Which bird does not make a nest?

A) a Sparrow, B) a Swallow, C) a Blackbird or D) a Cuckoo

Bobby doesn't know so he calls his friend Billy.

Billy answers 'by Christ Bobby, it's a cuckoo - 100%.'

Bobby goes with the advice his friend gave him and indeed that answer wins the million dollars and he is so very happy.Irish Bobby went to American for his dream to make a lot of money.

Luck striking like lightning, he found himself invited to "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."

Many questions later and he is doing rather well. He is at the final question for a million dollars, he has only one lifeline left - phone a friend.

The question comes: "Which bird does not make a nest?

A) a Sparrow, B) a Swallow, C) a Blackbird or D) a Cuckoo

Bobby doesn't know so he calls his friend Billy.

Billy answers 'by Christ Bobby, it's a cuckoo - 100%.'

Bobby goes with the advice his friend gave him and indeed that answer wins the million dollars and he is so very happy.

Afterward, Bobby rings Billy and asks him 'How the heck did you know that? You're no bird expert!'

'Well Bobby you idiot," Said Billy, "What an easy question, He lives in a bloody clock, right?"
Afterward, Bobby rings Billy and asks him 'How the heck did you know that? You're no bird expert!'

'Well Bobby you idiot," Said Billy, "What an easy question, He lives in a bloody clock, right?"

[StarDust Bum]

The Blond Bank Robber and the Three Stalls

Three bank robbers: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.

Are trying to evade the police when they come across a farm. Being short on time and options, they all decide to hide in the barn. The redhead hides near the horses, the brunette hides near the cows and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

When the police come to search the barn, first they come to the horse stables.

The redhead lets out a hefty "neeeyyyy", the cops are convinced that the horses are indeed alone, and the redhead escapes.

The police then search the cow pens.

The brunette saw what the first robber had done, and belts out a deep "mooooo". The cops are again convinced and the brunette is able to escape.

The police finally turn to the stall where the Blond has hidden. The blond, seeing how easily the other two had gotten away, decides to use the same method.

So as the police officers came close they suddenly hear: "Potato!"

[StarDust Bum]

The Right Gear For the Occasion

Carolyn, a rich blond, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport.

She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"

Full of anger, the blonde replies, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

[StarDust Bum]

May you always be blessed with walls for the wind. A roof for the rain. A warm cup of tea by the fire. Laughter to cheer you. Those you love near you. And all that your heart might desire.

[StarDust Bum]

Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results.

[StarDust Bum]

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws'

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
At 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM. He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
When he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

[StarDust Bum]

Picking Up the Wife's Test Results Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible." "What do you mean?" "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith. "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

[StarDust Bum]

Old Is Just Old… Old Is Not Dumb! …



A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.



After several minutes, the older worker had heard enough.
'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back.'



'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied. 'Let's see you do it.'


The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles, and nodding to the young man, he said, 'All right, Junior. Get in!'



Never mess with an old man

[StarDust Bum]

A doctor and a lawyer are at a party and their conversation keeps getting interrupted by people coming over to ask the doctor for free medical advice.

Finally, the doctor, in exasperation, asks the lawyer how he avoids being stuck for free legal advice.

“It's simple,” answers the lawyer. “I give them the advice and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor thinks that that is a great idea and the first thing the next day when he gets to his office, he draws up bills for everyone from the night before and, to make sure they go out immediately, he takes them to his mailbox...

…where he finds a bill from the lawyer!

[StarDust Bum]

Your daily smile (I hope).

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl . . .'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell. '

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[StarDust Bum]

Subject: Donkey Tales

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life!

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!

You'll be a lot happier and live longer!

[StarDust Bum]

Why did the lemon stop in the middle of the road?

JULY 23, 2021
|It ran out of juice.

[StarDust Bum]

[StarDust Bum]

No Way to Put Five In a Quattro Five Scotsmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four." "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Scotsmen retort in disbelief. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." "You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law." The Scotsmen reply angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."