Originally posted by kbsooner21
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Urgent Please Read/respond!!!! Part 2
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Originally posted by vols fan View PostOne week from tonight boys it all startsQuestions, comments, complaints:
[email protected]
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SOCIALLY UNEXCEPTABLE COMMENTS
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least
I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's
not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me
around and talking behind my back. He says what do you
expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when
you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a
different creature. She said she would like to come back as
a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare
for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all
of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other
day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women
mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was
Africa !!!
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one
thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is
not the correct answer either.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our
shopping center, but I've been banned from it after
asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least
they drive slowly past schools.
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned
it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new
911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims
had added me as a friend!!
The Red Cross had just knocked at our door and asked if we
could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would
love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.jc Wishes He Can Get A Goat
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Southern cops have a way with words! These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were
taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you
just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National
Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal
friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."jc Wishes He Can Get A Goat
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Good to see BBD post
Cubs lose in extra innings
Yesterday was one of my better Thursdays in a while.
what's everyone got planned?
I've got two rooms left to put in baseboard and I will finally finish my "winter" building project. Then Sunday I'm off to the twin cities for a couple days. JC when is your wife coming???? I'm staying right by Best Buy headquarters.
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Originally posted by wayne1218 View PostShould be a fun weekend kb!
No belldozer starting for OU huh? Interesting ...... Thought he had that QB job!
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