PENTAGON ORDERS MISSILE DEFENSE SHIELD TO PROTECT RUMSFELD
High-Tech Device Could Protect Defense Secretary from Retired Generals, Congress
The Pentagon has ordered what it calls "a state-of-the-art high-tech missile defense shield" to protect Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld from future attacks, Mr. Rumsfeld confirmed at a Pentagon briefing today.
The defense shield, to be built at a cost of $147 billion, is believed to be the first major antiballistic missile system constructed specifically to protect an embattled Cabinet member.
Increasingly coming under fire from retired generals and congressional critics, Secretary Rumsfeld had hoped that his obfuscating use of the English language would be sufficient to protect him from further attacks.
But with more frequent calls for his resignation in recent weeks, the Defense Secretary realized that some sort of antiballistic missile shield, like the one being considered to protect NATO countries from a potential Iranian nuclear threat, was in order.
At the Pentagon briefing, Secretary Rumsfeld demonstrated how such a missile defense shield could be used to protect his job from future assaults, using miniature models of antiballistic missiles, missile silos and Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del).
"The minute Joe Biden appears on 'Meet the Press" and starts flapping his gums about my resigning, I shout 'incoming!' and the defense shield knocks him off the air," Mr. Rumsfeld chuckled. "He won't even know what hit him."
If the missile defense shield succeeds in protecting Mr. Rumsfeld's position, military analysts say, similar systems could be implemented to protect the jobs of presidential advisor Karl Rove and Vice President Dick Cheney.
Elsewhere, actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announced today that their new baby Shiloh said his first self-important words.
ANDY IN NYC JUNE 26 - SAVE THE DATE!
Andy's next New York show will be on Monday, June 26. Lucky audience members win a free autographed copy of Andy's newest book, THE BIG BOOK OF SHOCKERS. At Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction, Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd. Doors open at 8; show at 8:30. Tickets only $6,
High-Tech Device Could Protect Defense Secretary from Retired Generals, Congress
The Pentagon has ordered what it calls "a state-of-the-art high-tech missile defense shield" to protect Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld from future attacks, Mr. Rumsfeld confirmed at a Pentagon briefing today.
The defense shield, to be built at a cost of $147 billion, is believed to be the first major antiballistic missile system constructed specifically to protect an embattled Cabinet member.
Increasingly coming under fire from retired generals and congressional critics, Secretary Rumsfeld had hoped that his obfuscating use of the English language would be sufficient to protect him from further attacks.
But with more frequent calls for his resignation in recent weeks, the Defense Secretary realized that some sort of antiballistic missile shield, like the one being considered to protect NATO countries from a potential Iranian nuclear threat, was in order.
At the Pentagon briefing, Secretary Rumsfeld demonstrated how such a missile defense shield could be used to protect his job from future assaults, using miniature models of antiballistic missiles, missile silos and Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del).
"The minute Joe Biden appears on 'Meet the Press" and starts flapping his gums about my resigning, I shout 'incoming!' and the defense shield knocks him off the air," Mr. Rumsfeld chuckled. "He won't even know what hit him."
If the missile defense shield succeeds in protecting Mr. Rumsfeld's position, military analysts say, similar systems could be implemented to protect the jobs of presidential advisor Karl Rove and Vice President Dick Cheney.
Elsewhere, actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announced today that their new baby Shiloh said his first self-important words.
ANDY IN NYC JUNE 26 - SAVE THE DATE!
Andy's next New York show will be on Monday, June 26. Lucky audience members win a free autographed copy of Andy's newest book, THE BIG BOOK OF SHOCKERS. At Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction, Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd. Doors open at 8; show at 8:30. Tickets only $6,
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