Just need to vent a little... Apozigize in advance for posting it here but I just needed to get some of this shit off my shoulders...
My week starts on Monday and it is now tuesday and I am down 23,000 (which I dont have). My whole fuckin life which started off pretty respectable and promising has come to a crashing hault... the last 10 years or so whether it be playing table games in casinos or sports betting, i have drained every piece of energy I have had into gambling and gave myself so much stress that I am sure a heartattack is not far away... 26yrs old and i feel like If i live another 10 i will be shocked... This year, i spent christmas day (also my fathers bday) in a fuckin restaurant going to the bathroom every 10minutes to check scores on my phone..what a joke.. I have completely lost my mind.. Everything that has mattered to me most of my life has been shot down the priority list and gambling has been #1... The saddest part is, i come from such a good family who work so hard for every penny and hear I am ..the laziest unmotivated degenerate EVER!! I play poker for a living and have a gift in that "game" so luckily money has always come easy but I always throw it away and put myself and others in compromising situations.. I think about suicide all the time... What is it about my ego that thinks I am going to win in sports betting... Why cant i get it through my head that I am not special and I will lose like everyone else! For the people that do it as a hobby and are disciplined and could pick 58% winners and be happy with that god bless you... I cannot do it, i am never satisfied... Even when I have a good night, i always wonder, why didnt I bet more? This shit has to stop... I smoke so many cigs that i wanna throw up.. I am always at bars watching games.. I have gained like 20lbs just in the last few months since I have started betting multiple games EVERY DAY... My parents look at me in disgust.. I had two weeks in a row where i won like 20,000 and 30,000 in sports betting only to be followed by 70,000 in losses in the next two weeks.. not to mention the 23,000 i have to come up with next week.. If there is anyone who has gone through something similiar in their lives and managed to get out of it, please let me know... but then again, someone who got out of it would probably never read this cause they probably dont go on this site anymore... Anyway.. Just had to get that shit off my chest... For anyone that actually read all this shit, sorry for wasting your time and I know...
My week starts on Monday and it is now tuesday and I am down 23,000 (which I dont have). My whole fuckin life which started off pretty respectable and promising has come to a crashing hault... the last 10 years or so whether it be playing table games in casinos or sports betting, i have drained every piece of energy I have had into gambling and gave myself so much stress that I am sure a heartattack is not far away... 26yrs old and i feel like If i live another 10 i will be shocked... This year, i spent christmas day (also my fathers bday) in a fuckin restaurant going to the bathroom every 10minutes to check scores on my phone..what a joke.. I have completely lost my mind.. Everything that has mattered to me most of my life has been shot down the priority list and gambling has been #1... The saddest part is, i come from such a good family who work so hard for every penny and hear I am ..the laziest unmotivated degenerate EVER!! I play poker for a living and have a gift in that "game" so luckily money has always come easy but I always throw it away and put myself and others in compromising situations.. I think about suicide all the time... What is it about my ego that thinks I am going to win in sports betting... Why cant i get it through my head that I am not special and I will lose like everyone else! For the people that do it as a hobby and are disciplined and could pick 58% winners and be happy with that god bless you... I cannot do it, i am never satisfied... Even when I have a good night, i always wonder, why didnt I bet more? This shit has to stop... I smoke so many cigs that i wanna throw up.. I am always at bars watching games.. I have gained like 20lbs just in the last few months since I have started betting multiple games EVERY DAY... My parents look at me in disgust.. I had two weeks in a row where i won like 20,000 and 30,000 in sports betting only to be followed by 70,000 in losses in the next two weeks.. not to mention the 23,000 i have to come up with next week.. If there is anyone who has gone through something similiar in their lives and managed to get out of it, please let me know... but then again, someone who got out of it would probably never read this cause they probably dont go on this site anymore... Anyway.. Just had to get that shit off my chest... For anyone that actually read all this shit, sorry for wasting your time and I know...
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