Joke Thread (keep it going):

[Spark]

Todays Cubs ... BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Now that is a joke ....

[LSUMONSTER]

Very Funny, Tigger.
Keep This Going.

[moondog22]

Which part Moondog? The part about stop jerking off or your tennis elbow won't go away? LOL

~~~ Tigger

HARD water

[Tigger]

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn". She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[zeib10]

What do you call a kid that was at Michael Jackson's house but was never molested?


A Girl

[GoldVike]

Ok

In the 1970's a Norwegian, a Greek and a Jewish guy are all flying together on a business trip. The plane crashes and all are killed and float up to the Gates and St. Pete is waiting for them and says:

"Listen guys....we are really backed up here with the war going on and all in Viet Nam so here's a deal......YOU the Norwegian...that Porn collection you got has to go and DON'T EVEN think of entering a whore house...or POOOOOOF you are gone.......straight to hell.....AND I don't have time mess around. No second chances!!!!" :angryfire

The Greek and Jewish guy start whispering and St. Pete says:

"AND YOU THE GREEK.....This fixation you have with banging gals...guys....animals....and creatures we have not even invented yet in the ass is disgusting....NO SECOND CHANCES...OR POOOOOOFFFF STRAIGHT TO HELL!

The Jewish guy is looking smug as he is straight arrow and St. Pete says......"So you think you are immune.....this Scrooge syndrome you have and screwing your own mother over for money has gotta go.....Shaft one more person on earth for a single penny and you are GONE!!!"

pppppppoooooofffffff.....ALL THREE BACK ON EARTH and they look at each other.....the Jewish guy looks at his buds and says..."I think he is serious so we better tow the line for the most part."

The 3some walk down the street and the pass by an Adult Video/Mag store and the Norsky says:

"Certainly just looking at the goods in the window won't count"!? He glances over into the window and POOOOOOOOFFFFFFFF......HE IS GONE!!!!!!

The Greek and Jew panically look at each other and the Jewish guy says: "OK...St Pete is NOT fucking around here!! Straight arrow only!" The Greek agrees and they continue walking;

Lo and behold up ahead but what lays on the sidewalk but a brand new 10 dollar bill......the Jewish guy sees it and starts breaking out in a cold sweat as they close in on the curb......he thinks to himself....."IT's NOT like its a BEN FRANKLIN 100 or anything.....certainly St. Pete wouldn't care if procured it until the original owner came to me and claimed it"???

The Jewish guy bends over and picks up the bill and POOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

THE GREEK IS GONE!!!

[swghost]

Bubba

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."

Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy, I should get the job!"

The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied: "Bubba, its like this. On question #4 the Yankee put down; "I don't know." You put down, "Neither do I."

[Tigger]

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm."

"Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?"

"Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man.

"And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

[Tigger]

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left tit" Kelly said, "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

[Tigger]

There's a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.

Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."

[Tigger]

Pedro was trying to get into the U.S. legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Pedro, you have passed all the tests, except one. If you don't pass it you cannot enter the U.S."

Pedro said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using Yellow, Pink and Green." Pedro thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."

The Officer said, "Go ahead."

Pedro said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Pedro."