Some Comedy

[rwall]

A Joke for The Kapt.

Spark meets Kapt. Kmann in a bar. The Kapt. has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg leg?" asks Spark. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the Kapt. "A shark bit off me whole leg." "Wow!" said Spark. "What about the hook?" "We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with swords. One of them cut me hand clean off." "Incredible!" remarked Spark. "And the eye patch?" "A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied pirate Kapt. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" Spark asked incredulously. Said the Kapt., "It was me first day with the hook." Just then Chuck Lazar leaned over and said excitedly, "You should try Gloucosamine tablets for that I did and it worked for me".

[Spark]

hahahahahaha You are soooooo weird .. I love it!!!!!!

[rwall]

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!"

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.

"No... I just realised that the doctor had *both* his hands on my shoulders!"

[rwall]

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his nutty patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled: "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled: "Down Nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled: "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied: "Well...everything was fine until some vendor walked by and yelled, `PEANUTS!'."

[rwall]

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?" The other guy says, " I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish.' And I said, 'No shit!"

[Spark]

>RODNEY DANGERFIELD JOKES
>
>*I,m so ugly..I stuck my head out the window, and got arrested for mooning.
>
>*My mother had morning sickness "after" I was born.
>
>*My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
>
>*When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
>
>*I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a
>curling iron.
>
>*I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I
>woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
>
>* My uncles dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in an
>electric chair.
>
>*One year they wanted to make me poster boy...For birth control.
>
>*I worked in a pet store, and people kept asking me how big I'd get.
>
>*I went to the doctor and said, "Doc, every morning when I get up and look in
>the mirror, I throw up. What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know, but
>your eyesight is perfect."
>
>*My phychiatrist told me that I'm going crazy. I told him that I wanted to
>get a second opinion. He said, "Alright.. you're ugly too."

[Spark]

Jack is one horny guy and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. He walks down the steet to the local brothal and knocks on the door. The madam opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him. "I'm really horny but I only have $5. What can you do for me?", Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, "Don't worry we can take care of you. No problem". She leads Jack into this room where in the opposite corner is a chicken. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her. Jack undresses and has the time of his life. When he's done he can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable experience.

One week later, and horny again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him for $10. "Well for $10 we have special show", the madam replies. She leads him into a different room where there are several other people sitting on benches. "Sit back and enjoy the show Jack", the madam tells him. Jack gives the money to the madam and takes a seat on one of benches. Soon after, the lights dim and the blinds open revealing another room on the other side of a two way mirror where two women begin to undress each other. Jack is very impressed. They begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won't do to each other. Jack once again feels like he is getting his money's worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, "This is a pretty good show for ten bucks eh?!". The guy turns to Jack and says, "That's nothing... last week we saw a guy Fucking a chicken".

[Spearit]

As an Doc of Oriental Med- I leave you with these wise proverbs.
"Chinese" Proverbs

SMILE...LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UPTIGHT BY ETIQUETTE

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
__________________

[Spearit]

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that

when she married she has to please her husband and never

upset him.



So the first morning of her honeymoon the young

Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love,

stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes, and

accidentally lets out a big fart. She looked up and said:



"Aww Sooo solly...excuse please, front hole so happy back

hole laugh out loud."