Important News From Chado....

[frankb03]

Her mother never believed when she was told and nothing was ever done about it. She/we struggled with that the whole 8 years together. It is extremely hard for them to have relationships after that and it was a constant battle with what happened. We split up and i met another woman who i eventually got engaged too. I found out about a year into it that she had previous cocaine addictions and they were coming back into her life. She would stay up for 2 or 3 days straight doing it and she would go 3 or 4 days at a time without eating.

The ordeals are strikingly similar.

Like your son's mom, when the molestation was exposed by my girlfriend to her aunt they then went to the police. My girlfriend's mom threatened to kill herself and my girlfriend if she didn't tell the police she made up the story. She was 13. UNBELIEVABLE!

To this day, 20 years later, mom and daughter have a rocky relationship.

[jcindaville]

Wow, powerful stuff here. Thanks to all for sharing, it amazes me the help that this board will go to help with other members.

Its one of many reasons this is my favorite place

[Spark]

Awesome post Frank ... Miss ya buddy

[WayneChung]

this is a great post and like coupedeville says-it show how many quality people visit the site-frank i went thru the same thing,don't want to go into the details for obvious reasons but i sure can share empathy and know exactly what you're going through brother...

[Chado1]

Chado, I don't 'hang out' on BC too much anymore for various reasons. I pop in from time to time to see what's going on. I'm 47 years old. I've never smoked pot. My experience with other drugs is extremely limited. I was compelled to reply and wish you luck. While I can't imagine the pain of recovery I can relate.

My girlfriend of almost 9 years is a recovering addict. Her addiction was mostly cocaine. Her gateway was alcohol. When she drank she turned to coke. Last year her addiction turned to crack. She was at an all-time low. We split up for almost three months. When sober she is an awesome girlfriend. Very caring. Doting. She'd do anything for me. Unfortunately, she fights these demons within herself. Demons mostly caused from being sexually molested when she was 12 for about a year and a half by her stepdad. The first 7 or 8 years we dated when she went on her binges I often became very angry at her. I couldn't understand how another person could be so weak. I now realize it's not a lifestyle she chooses. It's not something a sober non-addictive people such as myself can understand. She beats herself up with disappointed in herself when she gets high more than any other person can do. Thankfully she is sober for about the same length of time as you. I witness her struggles each and every day.

My experiences with addicts doesn't end with my girlfriend. About a year ago I discovered my oldest daughter was raped by a family friend when she was 12. She's now 16. She made the revelation to her therapist. She continued to see a therapist. We thought the situation was under control. We were wrong. Like my girlfriend, my daughter turned to pot and drinking. She always did extremely well in school. Unless deathly ill, she never missed school. She was always involved in family activity. When she turned to drugs and alcohol all that changed. Last week, we put her in a 30 day in-house multi-treatment program. She being treated not only for her drug use but mostly how to cope with her rape. The drugs and alcohol is a by-product of the trauma from her rape.

I apologize for hijacking your thread. I hoped by posting my plight others would have an understanding of addiction and the pain of recovery.

GOOD LUCK

Wow thanks for sharing this with me Frank, that was really nice of you. The story of her addiction is a lot similar to mine. I had snorted cocaine for about 3-4 years and started to smoke it (crack-cocaine) for the last 5 months before I asked for help. With most stories I have heard from is that as soon as someone turns from sniffing it to smoking crack that is when things go completely go downhill as did for me. I would literally jump up and down skipping like a happy girl when I scored a bag of crack knowing that after I take that first big toke I would be in oblivion. When you exhale a crack toke the feeling you get is the same as the feeling you get right before you are about to ejaculate sexually. It is sickening and that is why so many people get so addicted to it like myself. The thing is it only lasts for about 3-5 minutes and then you hit a low that makes you feel so sketchy and uncomfortable that you want to kill yourself. I would stay up for 3-4 days like Wayne's ex-girlfriend without eating ANYTHING. Once on the drug most people will do almost anything to get more because they dont want to have to deal with the withdrawl and feeling so shitty you want to die. The only way to avoid the come down is to get more so that you can stay "up there" or "high" and that is why people stay up and binge for so many days straight without sleep or food. What I do personally that has helped me stay clean is I focuse on the feeling I got after the high wore off and I had no money or means of getting more and felt like killing myself and I say to myself why would I want to use, I feel fine right now being sober. I run the whole tape through and focuse on the ending and the bad times in partying, not the beginning or the first hit.

Thanks again guys!!!

[Ldawg]

Crack is one of the Hardest addictions to quit .... congratulations ! Never go back .... Class of '85 graduate / No program !

[Three Jack]

OK, I am going to stop bitching about the stupid crap that I have issues with as they pale in comparison to some of the stuff I just read in this thread. Makes me think how lucky I am to have such a 'normal' life...my biggest issue being 'where am I going to eat dinner tonight' as others are not as fortunate.

Reading the posts by Chado, Wayne and Frank makes me realize how lucky and fortunate I am. My best to the three of you!

[FB Coach13]

Chad, I hope everything works out for the best for u will be missed and please stop by and say hello

[BigTicket]

I agree with someone else, there is a lot of powerful stuff going on in this thread. Frank, I was very surprised to see you disclose so much, and Wayne followed up, that is some tough stuff. Many many guys never have and will never understand the trauma that goes on with females that have been raped and how it is something you really never get over.

Chad, I think you are really coming to understand your personality and your addictions. I agree with Waynechung that a high percentage of us gamblers have an obsessive-compulsive side that dominates our personalities. I would encourage you however, to ALWAYS be on guard. Kind of like why one says that once you are an alcoholic you and never not an alcoholic, you are always a recovering alcoholic. That kind of thing rings true here and especially for you in my opinion. Always, on a daily basis, weekly basis, assess your progress and how you are going to stay away from the things that have dragged you down too far. Never forget what it felt like to be in those places, and always use it as motivation. You seem like the type of person that can really recover from all this stuff, but I have to tell you there have been way too many examples to count where I have seen people making the same committments as you, only to see them go down the drain in 1 month, 1 year, or even 5 years down the road. That "itch" for whatever it is, will never completely go away. I hope you have this mindset.

I lost my mother to drugs and alcohol, which was the same path my father was going down when they found out she was pregnant with me. My father made the decision to go completely sober from that point on. My mother made the same decision. My father hasn't had any substance since that day, my mother passed away in 2000 and never went a day without a substance. See what I am saying? What's the difference between the 2 people? It's all about determination, motivation, and integrity. Be the man you know you can be, you have your entire life in front of you.

Best of luck

[jcindaville]

OK, I am going to stop bitching about the stupid crap that I have issues with as they pale in comparison to some of the stuff I just read in this thread. Makes me think how lucky I am to have such a 'normal' life...my biggest issue being 'where am I going to eat dinner tonight' as others are not as fortunate.

Reading the posts by Chado, Wayne and Frank makes me realize how lucky and fortunate I am. My best to the three of you!

I always said you led a charmed life

[Chado1]

I agree with someone else, there is a lot of powerful stuff going on in this thread. Frank, I was very surprised to see you disclose so much, and Wayne followed up, that is some tough stuff. Many many guys never have and will never understand the trauma that goes on with females that have been raped and how it is something you really never get over.

Chad, I think you are really coming to understand your personality and your addictions. I agree with Waynechung that a high percentage of us gamblers have an obsessive-compulsive side that dominates our personalities. I would encourage you however, to ALWAYS be on guard. Kind of like why one says that once you are an alcoholic you and never not an alcoholic, you are always a recovering alcoholic. That kind of thing rings true here and especially for you in my opinion. Always, on a daily basis, weekly basis, assess your progress and how you are going to stay away from the things that have dragged you down too far. Never forget what it felt like to be in those places, and always use it as motivation. You seem like the type of person that can really recover from all this stuff, but I have to tell you there have been way too many examples to count where I have seen people making the same committments as you, only to see them go down the drain in 1 month, 1 year, or even 5 years down the road. That "itch" for whatever it is, will never completely go away. I hope you have this mindset.

I lost my mother to drugs and alcohol, which was the same path my father was going down when they found out she was pregnant with me. My father made the decision to go completely sober from that point on. My mother made the same decision. My father hasn't had any substance since that day, my mother passed away in 2000 and never went a day without a substance. See what I am saying? What's the difference between the 2 people? It's all about determination, motivation, and integrity. Be the man you know you can be, you have your entire life in front of you.

Best of luck

Thanks for sharing this big ticket....It's all about the mindset and being aware of my personality and attitude. Thanks for the post here buddy, was really kind of you!!!

[frankb03]

I agree with someone else, there is a lot of powerful stuff going on in this thread. Frank, I was very surprised to see you disclose so much, and Wayne followed up, that is some tough stuff. Many many guys never have and will never understand the trauma that goes on with females that have been raped and how it is something you really never get over.

Initially I was reluctant to do so. I decided to post for two reason. First, I've only met a few fellow BCers with very little chance of meeting others. Mostly, because I have a complete different understanding of addictions. It's not a lifestyle they choose. I realize many don't and can't comprehend that comment. Many won't understand until they are close to an addict to realize addicts have two personalities. There's an internal struggle within themselves they battle every day.

[Chado1]

Initially I was reluctant to do so. I decided to post for two reason. First, I've only met a few fellow BCers with very little chance of meeting others. Mostly, because I have a complete different understanding of addictions. It's not a lifestyle they choose. I realize many don't and can't comprehend that comment. Many won't understand until they are close to an addict to realize addicts have two personalities. There's an internal struggle within themselves they battle every day.

Exactly Frank...the average person does not understand what people like myself and other addicts go through on a daily basis in our brain and with our thinking and they NEVER will understand because they are non-addicts. It is a contant struggle internally that I have to battle everyday. Most people would think we are crazy but we were born with low levels of the pleasure chemical in the brain called "dopeamine" and need to stimulate it by natural things (to replace the stimulation of dopeamine that drugs used to give us) like with exercise, sex, nutrition, laughter, etc. to keep ourselves happy on a regualr basis. We are not bad people, we have a disease and its called addiction. We did not chose to have addictive personalities and depency problems. Average people will never understand this until they live with an addict or enter our minds.

[WayneChung]

I CAN'T GO INTO DETAILS BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND ASKED ME POLITELY NOT TOO // her only demon is alcohol,she has close to 80 days now with treatment,she is an absolute pleasure to be around sober,but like frank's girlfriend part of her addiction was using to blot out memories of people who had abused her in the past // i myself had a serious drug problem in the 70's and 80's,i put the needle down for good in 1986 // i thank god often that i didn't catch any std's or hep-c // hang in there my friend and like several people have said it's an ongoing battle-people like us are never cured !!

[Chado1]

I CAN'T GO INTO DETAILS BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND ASKED ME POLITELY NOT TOO // her only demon is alcohol,she has close to 80 days now with treatment,she is an absolute pleasure to be around sober,but like frank's girlfriend part of her addiction was using to blot out memories of people who had abused her in the past // i myself had a serious drug problem in the 70's and 80's,i put the needle down for good in 1986 // i thank god often that i didn't catch any std's or hep-c // hang in there my friend and like several people have said it's an ongoing battle-people like us are never cured !!

Thanks for sharing Chunger. Most people are way more pleasurable to be around sober. This world would be a better place if everyone was always sober....wouldnt be perfect but IMO would be better thats for sure....thanks again Chunger!!!

PS - When I was sniffing it for years I always said I would never smoke crack ever so I might of ended up shooting it too who knows with the road I was heading. OCD - anything right....terrible....