I just lost $5,000 on Pats ML!!! FUCK THAT WHOLE TEAM BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BettorsChat]

Not Dr Phil, but I hope Phil Jr can help out

Chado, when I was your age, I lost $15,000 in 2 weeks. Luckily, I had a VERY understanding dad that bailed my ass out. I learned a very valuable lesson at that time. Did it stay with me? Hell no. I lost $10,000 in 1 season about 10 years ago, but I could afford that and it did not affect my lifestyle at all. Now I can afford to lose a lot more than that, I just choose not to.
I think I remember you saying that you had maxed out your credit cards a while back after a few big losses. Is it worth it to stay in debt your entire life? I'm not doubting how much you had on the ML yesterday. Whatever it was, it was more than you had to lose.
I think it's great about all the addictions you have overcome so far. Sit back and think about the future and what you want to accomplish. Then factor in where gambling is going to take you. Those 2 paths CANNOT cross.
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

DR PHIL JR

Still waiting for you to bring me into the paper business.

[BettorsChat]

I gaurantee if you had 5 g's in your hand you never would have put it all in a bookies hand to make this bet...The internet has made it so easy for us youngsters to grab a credit card or whatever else and throw down big chunks of cash...I think your best bet would be to log off this damn site for once, your computer is logged in here like 16 hrs a day. Spend some time with real friends for a few days and get away from your internet buddies.

For the record, gambling stimulates the same part of the brain as cocaine so until you let this go you will never be sober. Maybe drug free but clearly not sober as demonstrated by the affect sports betting still has on your life and emotions. Good Luck

I'll have to disagree about not betting $5k if he had bet it with a local. Many people that bet with locals are betting with money that they don't have in anticipation of making some money. If you wager online most of the time people are playing with money they can afford to lose. Now I know that's not always the case.

[BettorsChat]

I POSTED THIS IN TECH FANS NEW POST, BUT THOUGHT I WOULD ALSO POST IT HERE -- I HAVENT READ THE ENTIRE THREAD, BUT I THINK IT IS SORT OF THE SAME SUBJECT. IF NOT PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT MAKING ANY SENSE:

Hey Chado Made A Mistake -- So Did I Yesterday

Does It Suck?? Hell Yes -Does It Hurt - Fuck Yeah-- But Its Not The End Of The World

Some People Will Choose Not To Believe Me, They Might Think Im Lying Or Overexaggerating , But I Was Up Nearly 14,000 FOr The Week Going Into Sunday And Pissed Away Every Single Penny. Now I Realise I Had A Cusion, But At The Same Time It Would Have Been Nice To Be Smart- Chill Out And Collect From The Man On Thursday. I Believe When People Say Gambling Is A Disease. Especially Those With Obsesive Compulsive Dissorders. I Belive I Am One Of Those People When It Comes To Gabling , Drinking ( In The Past - Not Now)smoking And Women.


Tech Fan - I Also Sympathise With You When It Comes To Those Anxiety Attacks. I Had My First One About 8 Years Ago. I Thoght I Was Having A Legit Heart Attack. Called 911 - Was Taken By Abulane To The Emergecy Room Etc. Had To Deal With The Anxiety Attacts For Over A Year Straight At That Point .

Not Fun - The People That Have Had Them Will Know What I Mean -- Feels Like You Are Gonna Have A Heart Attack - Stiffness In Chest - Cant Swallow - Cant Breath Properly - Your Mind Constantly Racing. For Me It Was Bad When I Went To Bed To Sleep At Night. Thats When You Think To Much . You Worry About Not Having An Anxiety Attach And You Basically Cause Yourself To Have One. I Have Been On Medication Or Close To 7 Years Now ( Zoloft And Xanax) To Combat It And Kkep It At Bay

I Still Get Them--- Tho Rarely - Usually When I Am Driving On A Highway / Expressway -- Not Really Due To Fear Of The Highway, But Because In The Past I Have Had Some Severe Anxiety Attacts While Driving On The Express Way And ... Again You Remember The Past And Start Worrying About Having One While Driving -- This Causes You To Have One

It Is A Fucked Up Mind Game

It Does Change Your Life

I Used To Go To Any And Every Kind Of Fast / Scary / 100 Foot Drop Roller Coaster All My Life And Ever Since My Anxiety Attacts I Cant Go On One

Also I Became Claustrophobic All Of The Sudden . Never Had A Problem In Small Spaces For Over 23 Yrs And Then All Of The Sudded I Freak Out When I Am Taking An Mri ( In One Of The Old Closed Ones - Not The New Open Ones)

Anxiety Is Caused By Many Things And One Is Stress. Gambling Causes Many People To Stress Out -- Now I Have Been Gambling For So Long That It Dosent Get Me Down As Much As Other Things

Its A Fuked Up Thing Guys -- No Fun In All To Live In Fear- Especially When You Were Fearless Your Entire Life

I Feel For You Brother And I Hope You Beat This Thing Fairly Quickly Without The Need Of Medication

Gl To You And If You Ever Need To Talk Get My Email Thru Spark Or Monte And Ill Give You My Phone #

Thats Goes For Chado Also -- Ive Had Many Ups And Downs With Gambling - Some Horor Stories - So If You Need To Talk , Im Available Also

Sorry For The Rambling Post

Hope You Guys Keep Your Head Up And Feel Better In The Very Near Future !!

Don't you have some eyebrows to wax

[Kaptain]

Chado my young man....

I've been reading this sad, eye opening, drama re yourself....

go back and pay attention to Spearit, Chung, MCP, they hit on the subject that I see is most important to you right now....

you said........
---------------------------------------------------------------
The thing is I want to quit gambling and it is my next up on my addiction list but not quite yet:

So far I have quit:

1.) Smoking weed
2.) Popping exstacy pills
3.) Sniffing perqs
4.) Sniffing oxys
5.) Sniffing cocain
6.) Smoking crack
7.) Drinking alcohol

All of these above are for 10 and 1/2 months!!!

Right now I only have two left that I havent quite got there ---yet:

---------------------------------------------------------------
Leaves Gambling and cigarettes....according to you...

The top listed 7 attributes all go hand in hand with one another.......Just different methods of dependency/addiction.....I for one am proud/glad you have eliminated the top 7, or any semblance of....

however; I personaly feel, by your own writings, you have replaced the top 7, with the GAMBLING dependency, and I feel it will cause depression, and push you back towards the top 7....

Hope I'm wrong, but I think you need to lay back, ignore posts here (though they're correct), re evaluate yourself as to ....

where you came from

how you did it

where are you headed now

what's the ramifications...........

Calm down, go to work, apply/dedicate yourself to something significant to pass time, cause you obviously have too much lax time on your hands.....

Quit snipeing at others, and I'm not talking about replying here, you have a tendency to go to peoples thread, and question their plays, and give your input as you were an authority....IMO....and I read all your posts......

Chiil out---post your plays, don't be so opinionated on others picks, go with the flow, take advice a lil better than you have lately....

You're a good young man, and you don't need to surround yourself with un solicited drama......

I can be proud of you for what you've broken (bad habits) which shows me you have some will power, but don't replace one bad vice with another.......I'm 65, and I can't tell you how hard it is to stop the 7 attributes you listed, cause I never, and I mean never, got involved with drugs in my life....It must have been tough, but the tough keep going, toughen up right now re gambling and you'll be fine....

Know what I mean Verne.....best to ya....and I can take the "Fuck off" comment in stride, cause I've heard it a million and one times, and I'm still here....

Don't piss your life away......

[TheRook]

I've been reading this sad, eye opening, drama re yourself....

go back and pay attention to Spearit, Chung, MCP, they hit on the subject that I see is most important to you right now....

you said........
---------------------------------------------------------------
The thing is I want to quit gambling and it is my next up on my addiction list but not quite yet:

So far I have quit:

1.) Smoking weed
2.) Popping exstacy pills
3.) Sniffing perqs
4.) Sniffing oxys
5.) Sniffing cocain
6.) Smoking crack
7.) Drinking alcohol

All of these above are for 10 and 1/2 months!!!

Right now I only have two left that I havent quite got there ---yet:

---------------------------------------------------------------
Leaves Gambling and cigarettes....according to you...

The top listed 7 attributes all go hand in hand with one another.......Just different methods of dependency/addiction.....I for one am proud/glad you have eliminated the top 7, or any semblance of....

however; I personaly feel, by your own writings, you have replaced the top 7, with the GAMBLING dependency, and I feel it will cause depression, and push you back towards the top 7....

Hope I'm wrong, but I think you need to lay back, ignore posts here (though they're correct), re evaluate yourself as to ....

where you came from

how you did it

where are you headed now

what's the ramifications...........

Calm down, go to work, apply/dedicate yourself to something significant to pass time, cause you obviously have too much lax time on your hands.....

Quit snipeing at others, and I'm not talking about replying here, you have a tendency to go to peoples thread, and question their plays, and give your input as you were an authority....IMO....and I read all your posts......

Chiil out---post your plays, don't be so opinionated on others picks, go with the flow, take advice a lil better than you have lately....

You're a good young man, and you don't need to surround yourself with un solicited drama......

I can be proud of you for what you've broken (bad habits) which shows me you have some will power, but don't replace one bad vice with another.......I'm 65, and I can't tell you how hard it is to stop the 7 attributes you listed, cause I never, and I mean never, got involved with drugs in my life....It must have been tough, but the tough keep going, toughen up right now re gambling and you'll be fine....

Know what I mean Verne.....best to ya....and I can take the "Fuck off" comment in stride, cause I've heard it a million and one times, and I'm still here....

Don't piss your life away......

If there was ANY doubt as to why you are arguably the most respected posters here, this post should erase them all.

Karl, no words to describe what you just wrote other then

[Chado1]

I've been reading this sad, eye opening, drama re yourself....

go back and pay attention to Spearit, Chung, MCP, they hit on the subject that I see is most important to you right now....

you said........
---------------------------------------------------------------
The thing is I want to quit gambling and it is my next up on my addiction list but not quite yet:

So far I have quit:

1.) Smoking weed
2.) Popping exstacy pills
3.) Sniffing perqs
4.) Sniffing oxys
5.) Sniffing cocain
6.) Smoking crack
7.) Drinking alcohol

All of these above are for 10 and 1/2 months!!!

Right now I only have two left that I havent quite got there ---yet:

---------------------------------------------------------------
Leaves Gambling and cigarettes....according to you...

The top listed 7 attributes all go hand in hand with one another.......Just different methods of dependency/addiction.....I for one am proud/glad you have eliminated the top 7, or any semblance of....

however; I personaly feel, by your own writings, you have replaced the top 7, with the GAMBLING dependency, and I feel it will cause depression, and push you back towards the top 7....

Hope I'm wrong, but I think you need to lay back, ignore posts here (though they're correct), re evaluate yourself as to ....

where you came from

how you did it

where are you headed now

what's the ramifications...........

Calm down, go to work, apply/dedicate yourself to something significant to pass time, cause you obviously have too much lax time on your hands.....

Quit snipeing at others, and I'm not talking about replying here, you have a tendency to go to peoples thread, and question their plays, and give your input as you were an authority....IMO....and I read all your posts......

Chiil out---post your plays, don't be so opinionated on others picks, go with the flow, take advice a lil better than you have lately....

You're a good young man, and you don't need to surround yourself with un solicited drama......

I can be proud of you for what you've broken (bad habits) which shows me you have some will power, but don't replace one bad vice with another.......I'm 65, and I can't tell you how hard it is to stop the 7 attributes you listed, cause I never, and I mean never, got involved with drugs in my life....It must have been tough, but the tough keep going, toughen up right now re gambling and you'll be fine....

Know what I mean Verne.....best to ya....and I can take the "Fuck off" comment in stride, cause I've heard it a million and one times, and I'm still here....

Don't piss your life away......

Thanks Kapt...most appreciated as always....

[BettorsChat]

Chado chuckie keeps e-mailing me regarding you as he has the biggest little hard on for you one could imagine.

[GOLDENGREEK]

Chado chuckie keeps e-mailing me regarding you as he has the biggest little hard on for you one could imagine.

NO MENTION OF ME?

IM HURT

[frankb03]

Chad, If losing 5 grand on a wager causes you to go postal than you are betting way more than you can afford. Don't blame the Patriots, blame the dumbass who put in that type of wager.

Well Said!

[Chado1]

Considering you guys already know a ton about me why dont I just tell you how it has been....

Since I was about 14 years old I started smoking weed and drinking alcohol. For the first year or so I smoked on weekends with friends or whatever and then for the next 5-6 years I smoked it everyday (literally everyday) for 5 solid years. Throughout these years I was also drinking alcohol on weekends with friends along with smoking weed. I never drank alcohol everyday as I was not old to buy it but I maintained smoking weed on a daily basis as I could get it anywhere and easily at school. Then when I was about 18 years old I was introduced to cocaine on new years eve of I believe 2003 or 2004. I liked it from the first line. I used to always get drunk and smoke weed and puke and pass out throughout high school years prior to that but when I found cocaine I was able to party longer, act sharper, and no longer puke and make an ass of myself when i got drunk. The combination of alcohol and snorting cocaine to me was golden because I could now laugh at the drunk falling over and slurring his words as I was in control of situation when I drank even though I probably consumed just as much booze as the person who was stumbling around. I would start of drinking on a friday night only for it to turn into a friday to sunday night 2-3 day cocaine and alcohol binge in which I would stay awake for 48-72 hours straight until finally running out of money, enerygy, booze and/or cocaine and end the party and go to bed on the Sunday night. In the beginning it was fun as hell consuming probably anywhere between 5-10 cases of beer over the duration of a weekend without sleeping once nor puking and hanging out at random houses for days. The excitment and thrill of it all maybe was what kept me doing it for so long. Towards the end of it all I would become extremely depressed when the binge was all over knowing how much drugs and alcohol I had just consumed over an entire weekend and how much money I had blown. Every Monday between the ages of 18-21 I would say things like "never again" and "what the fuck am I doing" and after all the guilt and pain was gone and worn off throughout the week I would forgot all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts I had on the depressing Monday when the following Friday rolled around I would then repeat the cycle all over again. I wanted to stop for years but being caught up in a group of friends that did the same thing over and over again it seemed normal to do this every weekend. When I was 20 or 21 my Dad had been saying about how I needed to move out on my own. After trying to push it off for about a year I finally had to do it. I got my own place in October of 2006 and thats when things went even more downhill for me. For the first few months I continued on the 2-3 day weekend cocaine and alcohol binges and my place became party central. Between going to the bars (legal drinking age is 19 in canada) and having a ton of people over all the time cocaine was always in my apartment and was the place to be for everyone I knew. I would use other drugs (i.e exstacy,perquisets, oxys) if no cocaine was available and just needed a booster to keep the party alive for the entire weekend straight. I never drank without doing cocaine and I also never did cocaine without drinking booze. I would typically not do either throughout the weekdays and just smoke weed all day everyday and than would transition in the party stage on weekends. I used to say things to myself like "I am not so bad" cause I wasnt living on the streets or anything and I wasnt selling it or doing it on a daily basis and only on weekends. Even to this day I never snorted cocaine on weekdays and that to me may have given some justification of the fact that I wasnt so really that bad into it what may have kept me going (even though in the back of mind I knew it wasnt right and may have a problem). Then in december of 2006 after I had been up for about two days straight without sleep once again a "buddy" of mine said he could only get "hard" and not "soft" which meant not cocaine (which is soft) and just crack (which is hard). I was already fucked up and like usually loved to keep the party going so I said "I guess so" even though I told myself I would never smoke crack. I took the first hit of it and still remember sitting on a chair in my apartment throttled from it and couldnt move for like 30 seconds as the buzz and rush ran through my body. You know the feeling and rush that goes through your body right before you ejaculate...that is the exact same feeling times 10 you get when you exhale and big crack toke. Right after I did I knew I was doomed. I knew it was too good and I was scared about it. Anyway, that binge ended and back to how it normaly was. but in the weeks to come there were two guys who would come over to my apratment every now and then as they knew it was a place they could come and smoke crack. I would allow them to do so and would take a few hits every now and then. After doing it here and there for about a month or so I found myself craving it on a daily basis thinking about how good it would make me feel. The paranoia you get from snorting cocaine is multiplied by 100 when you smoke crack and after ever toke I took I thought the whole world just caught me on video tape and seen what I had just done. Now I was really living in fear. I was introduced to a few dealers through these two guys and got their #'s and thought it was pretty easy to get this shit so I started phoning them and grabbing 40 bucks worth everytime I felt like getting high. It was only about a month and half later when I found myself smoking crack by myself and thinking "oh shit...I wanted to stop drinking and sniffing cocaine for years and now I smoking crack WTF is wrong with me now". Try living with those feelings of guilt and hating your life and what your doing with yourself. This vicious cycle repeats itself because a way to avoid having all these feelings running through your head is to numb them by getting high yet again and again. I remember thinking man I used to just drink and snort coke on the weekends and now I am smoking crack everyday WTF I am doing I am such an idiot. After doing it for about 3 months or so on a daily basis and spending about $100 per day minumum to support my habit instead of the 2-3 day weekend binges of snoring it I was now doing 4-5 day weekday binges. I was staying up twice as longer, losing my mind twice as much, and spedning twice as much money on this. My parents knew I had drank booze and smoked weed for years and didnt have that much of a problem with that (though they probably did) but they had NO CLUE WHATSOEVER I was doing any hard drugs. How it all ended was my younger sister knew I was doing harder drugs through the grapevine and told my mother one day. My mother than told my dad and he phoned me up one Sunday when I was living on my own and said he was coming over to drop off some mail (which I found strange). Anyway once he arrived in the lobby of my apartment building he promplty said "we need to talk right now". My immediate thought was "oh shit he knows I am doing cocaine" because by this point he had creditors and banks and people phoning his house asking for me because all of the debt I was in due to my conituned drug use. We went for a drive and sure enough he confronted me with the issue. I quickly denied it as much as possible and we parted ways at that point. I knew the heat was building on me and in the days after when I smoked the shit I became 1,0000 times more paranoid thinking that every car in my apartment parking lot was my dad coming into my place to catch me read handed as he also had a spare key to my apartment...yikes....holy shit....that part even gives me butterflies in my stomach thinking about those fearful nights and paranoia I had....FINALLY...once night after I get got extremely fucked up I called him. It was a tuesday morning at about 2AM and I had been calling in sick from work on an almost daily basis cause I was so fucked up to even work by this point. I phoned him and woke him up and said "dad the rumour you heard about me is true" he caringly said he knew and that he was there for me. I told him I needed to move back in with him because these guys keep coming over to my apartment and my place is party central and I hate my life and wanted to get out of the bullshit somehow. I moved back in with him for a few days leaving my apartment abandoned. During these 3 days I was smoking week while living with him but no crack. It wasnt until Tuesday March 29th, 2007 when I woke up.."the devil" as I like to call the thoughts that tempt you to keep smoking crack came in my head and said gotta get high today...gotta get high. I went to work that day and I devised a manipulative scheme about how I was gonna get some after work as I was dead broke and needed to figure out a way like on numerous ocassions. I phoned my dealer after work that day and told him I would sell him my Champ Bailey jersey for $70 bucks worth and he agreed (crack dealers accept anything you sell them: they got their guys behind the scenes that they sell your shit to for real money). I told my dad I needed to borrow his car to go get my taxes done he knew I just recvd my slip thing or whaveter. I went and met my dealer at local **** and drove all over the city smoking crack in my dads car literally losing my mind thinking ever car on the road was a cop about to pull me over and catch me read handed (thats the paranaio again)...fuckin crazy right but only people who have been through this shit can relate. I feel lucky to even be alive driving around like that and could have killed someone myself or someone else that night. Its not me doing the thnking its the drug just so you guys know whats your on it. Anyway, I ended up back at my abadoned apartment and phoned my Dad and told him that I had lied about the reason for taking the car and had gotten high. He fuckin screamed and flipped out and said he was coming to get me. I went back to his house stayed the night there and he had arrangmed for me to go to "detox" the next morning. I did not want to go but the next morning he forced me. I spent about a week there completely sobering up and staying clean and then got out. I had to wait about 4 days after that before I could get a spot at a nice rehab and drug treatment facilty centre and that is when I started that thread that I did back in April of 2007 that you guys may remember telling you all that I had a problem and would be going away for some help. SINCE THAT DAY ON MARCH 29TH OF 2007 I HAVE NOT HAD ONE SINGLE MOUTHFUL OF ALCOHOL NOR ANY DRUG OF ANY SORT. I HAVE STAYED 100% SOBER FOR 318 DAYS SINCE THAT NIGHT AND THAT STORY ALONE SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND ON A DAILY BASIS AND IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF CRAZY BULLSHIT LIFESTYLE I WAS LIVING. IT HAS TAKEN EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILL POWER OVER THIS DURATION AND WAS VERY TOUGH IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS BUT NOW I HAVE A FOUNDATION LAID AND FEEL VERY CONFIDENT I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT SHIT. I HOPE MY STORY CAN HELP ANYONE ELSE WHO THINKS THEY MAY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRUGS AND/OR ALCOHOL CAUSE IT ONLY GETS WORSE AND IT CREEPS UP SLOWLY. GOD BLEESS LOL...

Chad Hamilton

[Chado1]

Chado chuckie keeps e-mailing me regarding you as he has the biggest little hard on for you one could imagine.

I bet...I knew he would be all over this one...

[jcindaville]

Considering you guys already know a ton about me why dont I just tell you how it has been....

Since I was about 14 years old I started smoking weed and drinking alcohol. For the first year or so I smoked on weekends with friends or whatever and then for the next 5-6 years I smoked it everyday (literally everyday) for 5 solid years. Throughout these years I was also drinking alcohol on weekends with friends along with smoking weed. I never drank alcohol everyday as I was not old to buy it but I maintained smoking weed on a daily basis as I could get it anywhere and easily at school. Then when I was about 18 years old I was introduced to cocaine on new years eve of I believe 2003 or 2004. I liked it from the first line. I used to always get drunk and smoke weed and puke and pass out throughout high school years prior to that but when I found cocaine I was able to party longer, act sharper, and no longer puke and make an ass of myself when i got drunk. The combination of alcohol and snorting cocaine to me was golden because I could now laugh at the drunk falling over and slurring his words as I was in control of situation when I drank even though I probably consumed just as much booze as the person who was stumbling around. I would start of drinking on a friday night only for it to turn into a friday to sunday night 2-3 day cocaine and alcohol binge in which I would stay awake for 48-72 hours straight until finally running out of money, enerygy, booze and/or cocaine and end the party and go to bed on the Sunday night. In the beginning it was fun as hell consuming probably anywhere between 5-10 cases of beer over the duration of a weekend without sleeping once nor puking and hanging out at random houses for days. The excitment and thrill of it all maybe was what kept me doing it for so long. Towards the end of it all I would become extremely depressed when the binge was all over knowing how much drugs and alcohol I had just consumed over an entire weekend and how much money I had blown. Every Monday between the ages of 18-21 I would say things like "never again" and "what the fuck am I doing" and after all the guilt and pain was gone and worn off throughout the week I would forgot all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts I had on the depressing Monday when the following Friday rolled around I would then repeat the cycle all over again. I wanted to stop for years but being caught up in a group of friends that did the same thing over and over again it seemed normal to do this every weekend. When I was 20 or 21 my Dad had been saying about how I needed to move out on my own. After trying to push it off for about a year I finally had to do it. I got my own place in October of 2006 and thats when things went even more downhill for me. For the first few months I continued on the 2-3 day weekend cocaine and alcohol binges and my place became party central. Between going to the bars (legal drinking age is 19 in canada) and having a ton of people over all the time cocaine was always in my apartment and was the place to be for everyone I knew. I would use other drugs (i.e exstacy,perquisets, oxys) if no cocaine was available and just needed a booster to keep the party alive for the entire weekend straight. I never drank without doing cocaine and I also never did cocaine without drinking booze. I would typically not do either throughout the weekdays and just smoke weed all day everyday and than would transition in the party stage on weekends. I used to say things to myself like "I am not so bad" cause I wasnt living on the streets or anything and I wasnt selling it or doing it on a daily basis and only on weekends. Even to this day I never snorted cocaine on weekdays and that to me may have given some justification of the fact that I wasnt so really that bad into it what may have kept me going (even though in the back of mind I knew it wasnt right and may have a problem). Then in december of 2006 after I had been up for about two days straight without sleep once again a "buddy" of mine said he could only get "hard" and not "soft" which meant not cocaine (which is soft) and just crack (which is hard). I was already fucked up and like usually loved to keep the party going so I said "I guess so" even though I told myself I would never smoke crack. I took the first hit of it and still remember sitting on a chair in my apartment throttled from it and couldnt move for like 30 seconds as the buzz and rush ran through my body. You know the feeling and rush that goes through your body right before you ejaculate...that is the exact same feeling times 10 you get when you exhale and big crack toke. Right after I did I knew I was doomed. I knew it was too good and I was scared about it. Anyway, that binge ended and back to how it normaly was. but in the weeks to come there were two guys who would come over to my apratment every now and then as they knew it was a place they could come and smoke crack. I would allow them to do so and would take a few hits every now and then. After doing it here and there for about a month or so I found myself craving it on a daily basis thinking about how good it would make me feel. The paranoia you get from snorting cocaine is multiplied by 100 when you smoke crack and after ever toke I took I thought the whole world just caught me on video tape and seen what I had just done. Now I was really living in fear. I was introduced to a few dealers through these two guys and got their #'s and thought it was pretty easy to get this shit so I started phoning them and grabbing 40 bucks worth everytime I felt like getting high. It was only about a month and half later when I found myself smoking crack by myself and thinking "oh shit...I wanted to stop drinking and sniffing cocaine for years and now I smoking crack WTF is wrong with me now". Try living with those feelings of guilt and hating your life and what your doing with yourself. This vicious cycle repeats itself because a way to avoid having all these feelings running through your head is to numb them by getting high yet again and again. I remember thinking man I used to just drink and snort coke on the weekends and now I am smoking crack everyday WTF I am doing I am such an idiot. After doing it for about 3 months or so on a daily basis and spending about $100 per day minumum to support my habit instead of the 2-3 day weekend binges of snoring it I was now doing 4-5 day weekday binges. I was staying up twice as longer, losing my mind twice as much, and spedning twice as much money on this. My parents knew I had drank booze and smoked weed for years and didnt have that much of a problem with that (though they probably did) but they had NO CLUE WHATSOEVER I was doing any hard drugs. How it all ended was my younger sister knew I was doing harder drugs through the grapevine and told my mother one day. My mother than told my dad and he phoned me up one Sunday when I was living on my own and said he was coming over to drop off some mail (which I found strange). Anyway once he arrived in the lobby of my apartment building he promplty said "we need to talk right now". My immediate thought was "oh shit he knows I am doing cocaine" because by this point he had creditors and banks and people phoning his house asking for me because all of the debt I was in due to my conituned drug use. We went for a drive and sure enough he confronted me with the issue. I quickly denied it as much as possible and we parted ways at that point. I knew the heat was building on me and in the days after when I smoked the shit I became 1,0000 times more paranoid thinking that every car in my apartment parking lot was my dad coming into my place to catch me read handed as he also had a spare key to my apartment...yikes....holy shit....that part even gives me butterflies in my stomach thinking about those fearful nights and paranoia I had....FINALLY...once night after I get got extremely fucked up I called him. It was a tuesday morning at about 2AM and I had been calling in sick from work on an almost daily basis cause I was so fucked up to even work by this point. I phoned him and woke him up and said "dad the rumour you heard about me is true" he caringly said he knew and that he was there for me. I told him I needed to move back in with him because these guys keep coming over to my apartment and my place is party central and I hate my life and wanted to get out of the bullshit somehow. I moved back in with him for a few days leaving my apartment abandoned. During these 3 days I was smoking week while living with him but no crack. It wasnt until Tuesday March 29th, 2007 when I woke up.."the devil" as I like to call the thoughts that tempt you to keep smoking crack came in my head and said gotta get high today...gotta get high. I went to work that day and I devised a manipulative scheme about how I was gonna get some after work as I was dead broke and needed to figure out a way like on numerous ocassions. I phoned my dealer after work that day and told him I would sell him my Champ Bailey jersey for $70 bucks worth and he agreed (crack dealers accept anything you sell them: they got their guys behind the scenes that they sell your shit to for real money). I told my dad I needed to borrow his car to go get my taxes done he knew I just recvd my slip thing or whaveter. I went and met my dealer at local **** and drove all over the city smoking crack in my dads car literally losing my mind thinking ever car on the road was a cop about to pull me over and catch me read handed (thats the paranaio again)...fuckin crazy right but only people who have been through this shit can relate. I feel lucky to even be alive driving around like that and could have killed someone myself or someone else that night. Its not me doing the thnking its the drug just so you guys know whats your on it. Anyway, I ended up back at my abadoned apartment and phoned my Dad and told him that I had lied about the reason for taking the car and had gotten high. He fuckin screamed and flipped out and said he was coming to get me. I went back to his house stayed the night there and he had arrangmed for me to go to "detox" the next morning. I did not want to go but the next morning he forced me. I spent about a week there completely sobering up and staying clean and then got out. I had to wait about 4 days after that before I could get a spot at a nice rehab and drug treatment facilty centre and that is when I started that thread that I did back in April of 2007 that you guys may remember telling you all that I had a problem and would be going away for some help. SINCE THAT DAY ON MARCH 29TH OF 2007 I HAVE NOT HAD ONE SINGLE MOUTHFUL OF ALCOHOL NOR ANY DRUG OF ANY SORT. I HAVE STAYED 100% SOBER FOR 318 DAYS SINCE THAT NIGHT AND THAT STORY ALONE SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND ON A DAILY BASIS AND IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF CRAZY BULLSHIT LIFESTYLE I WAS LIVING. IT HAS TAKEN EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILL POWER OVER THIS DURATION AND WAS VERY TOUGH IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS BUT NOW I HAVE A FOUNDATION LAID AND FEEL VERY CONFIDENT I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT SHIT. I HOPE MY STORY CAN HELP ANYONE ELSE WHO THINKS THEY MAY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRUGS AND/OR ALCOHOL CAUSE IT ONLY GETS WORSE AND IT CREEPS UP SLOWLY. GOD BLEESS LOL...

Chad Hamilton

All that in one paragraph

[kbsooner21]

Holy shit bro. That is crazy. Stay strong buddy.

[longnex]

Considering you guys already know a ton about me why dont I just tell you how it has been....

Since I was about 14 years old I started smoking weed and drinking alcohol. For the first year or so I smoked on weekends with friends or whatever and then for the next 5-6 years I smoked it everyday (literally everyday) for 5 solid years. Throughout these years I was also drinking alcohol on weekends with friends along with smoking weed. I never drank alcohol everyday as I was not old to buy it but I maintained smoking weed on a daily basis as I could get it anywhere and easily at school. Then when I was about 18 years old I was introduced to cocaine on new years eve of I believe 2003 or 2004. I liked it from the first line. I used to always get drunk and smoke weed and puke and pass out throughout high school years prior to that but when I found cocaine I was able to party longer, act sharper, and no longer puke and make an ass of myself when i got drunk. The combination of alcohol and snorting cocaine to me was golden because I could now laugh at the drunk falling over and slurring his words as I was in control of situation when I drank even though I probably consumed just as much booze as the person who was stumbling around. I would start of drinking on a friday night only for it to turn into a friday to sunday night 2-3 day cocaine and alcohol binge in which I would stay awake for 48-72 hours straight until finally running out of money, enerygy, booze and/or cocaine and end the party and go to bed on the Sunday night. In the beginning it was fun as hell consuming probably anywhere between 5-10 cases of beer over the duration of a weekend without sleeping once nor puking and hanging out at random houses for days. The excitment and thrill of it all maybe was what kept me doing it for so long. Towards the end of it all I would become extremely depressed when the binge was all over knowing how much drugs and alcohol I had just consumed over an entire weekend and how much money I had blown. Every Monday between the ages of 18-21 I would say things like "never again" and "what the fuck am I doing" and after all the guilt and pain was gone and worn off throughout the week I would forgot all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts I had on the depressing Monday when the following Friday rolled around I would then repeat the cycle all over again. I wanted to stop for years but being caught up in a group of friends that did the same thing over and over again it seemed normal to do this every weekend. When I was 20 or 21 my Dad had been saying about how I needed to move out on my own. After trying to push it off for about a year I finally had to do it. I got my own place in October of 2006 and thats when things went even more downhill for me. For the first few months I continued on the 2-3 day weekend cocaine and alcohol binges and my place became party central. Between going to the bars (legal drinking age is 19 in canada) and having a ton of people over all the time cocaine was always in my apartment and was the place to be for everyone I knew. I would use other drugs (i.e exstacy,perquisets, oxys) if no cocaine was available and just needed a booster to keep the party alive for the entire weekend straight. I never drank without doing cocaine and I also never did cocaine without drinking booze. I would typically not do either throughout the weekdays and just smoke weed all day everyday and than would transition in the party stage on weekends. I used to say things to myself like "I am not so bad" cause I wasnt living on the streets or anything and I wasnt selling it or doing it on a daily basis and only on weekends. Even to this day I never snorted cocaine on weekdays and that to me may have given some justification of the fact that I wasnt so really that bad into it what may have kept me going (even though in the back of mind I knew it wasnt right and may have a problem). Then in december of 2006 after I had been up for about two days straight without sleep once again a "buddy" of mine said he could only get "hard" and not "soft" which meant not cocaine (which is soft) and just crack (which is hard). I was already fucked up and like usually loved to keep the party going so I said "I guess so" even though I told myself I would never smoke crack. I took the first hit of it and still remember sitting on a chair in my apartment throttled from it and couldnt move for like 30 seconds as the buzz and rush ran through my body. You know the feeling and rush that goes through your body right before you ejaculate...that is the exact same feeling times 10 you get when you exhale and big crack toke. Right after I did I knew I was doomed. I knew it was too good and I was scared about it. Anyway, that binge ended and back to how it normaly was. but in the weeks to come there were two guys who would come over to my apratment every now and then as they knew it was a place they could come and smoke crack. I would allow them to do so and would take a few hits every now and then. After doing it here and there for about a month or so I found myself craving it on a daily basis thinking about how good it would make me feel. The paranoia you get from snorting cocaine is multiplied by 100 when you smoke crack and after ever toke I took I thought the whole world just caught me on video tape and seen what I had just done. Now I was really living in fear. I was introduced to a few dealers through these two guys and got their #'s and thought it was pretty easy to get this shit so I started phoning them and grabbing 40 bucks worth everytime I felt like getting high. It was only about a month and half later when I found myself smoking crack by myself and thinking "oh shit...I wanted to stop drinking and sniffing cocaine for years and now I smoking crack WTF is wrong with me now". Try living with those feelings of guilt and hating your life and what your doing with yourself. This vicious cycle repeats itself because a way to avoid having all these feelings running through your head is to numb them by getting high yet again and again. I remember thinking man I used to just drink and snort coke on the weekends and now I am smoking crack everyday WTF I am doing I am such an idiot. After doing it for about 3 months or so on a daily basis and spending about $100 per day minumum to support my habit instead of the 2-3 day weekend binges of snoring it I was now doing 4-5 day weekday binges. I was staying up twice as longer, losing my mind twice as much, and spedning twice as much money on this. My parents knew I had drank booze and smoked weed for years and didnt have that much of a problem with that (though they probably did) but they had NO CLUE WHATSOEVER I was doing any hard drugs. How it all ended was my younger sister knew I was doing harder drugs through the grapevine and told my mother one day. My mother than told my dad and he phoned me up one Sunday when I was living on my own and said he was coming over to drop off some mail (which I found strange). Anyway once he arrived in the lobby of my apartment building he promplty said "we need to talk right now". My immediate thought was "oh shit he knows I am doing cocaine" because by this point he had creditors and banks and people phoning his house asking for me because all of the debt I was in due to my conituned drug use. We went for a drive and sure enough he confronted me with the issue. I quickly denied it as much as possible and we parted ways at that point. I knew the heat was building on me and in the days after when I smoked the shit I became 1,0000 times more paranoid thinking that every car in my apartment parking lot was my dad coming into my place to catch me read handed as he also had a spare key to my apartment...yikes....holy shit....that part even gives me butterflies in my stomach thinking about those fearful nights and paranoia I had....FINALLY...once night after I get got extremely fucked up I called him. It was a tuesday morning at about 2AM and I had been calling in sick from work on an almost daily basis cause I was so fucked up to even work by this point. I phoned him and woke him up and said "dad the rumour you heard about me is true" he caringly said he knew and that he was there for me. I told him I needed to move back in with him because these guys keep coming over to my apartment and my place is party central and I hate my life and wanted to get out of the bullshit somehow. I moved back in with him for a few days leaving my apartment abandoned. During these 3 days I was smoking week while living with him but no crack. It wasnt until Tuesday March 29th, 2007 when I woke up.."the devil" as I like to call the thoughts that tempt you to keep smoking crack came in my head and said gotta get high today...gotta get high. I went to work that day and I devised a manipulative scheme about how I was gonna get some after work as I was dead broke and needed to figure out a way like on numerous ocassions. I phoned my dealer after work that day and told him I would sell him my Champ Bailey jersey for $70 bucks worth and he agreed (crack dealers accept anything you sell them: they got their guys behind the scenes that they sell your shit to for real money). I told my dad I needed to borrow his car to go get my taxes done he knew I just recvd my slip thing or whaveter. I went and met my dealer at local **** and drove all over the city smoking crack in my dads car literally losing my mind thinking ever car on the road was a cop about to pull me over and catch me read handed (thats the paranaio again)...fuckin crazy right but only people who have been through this shit can relate. I feel lucky to even be alive driving around like that and could have killed someone myself or someone else that night. Its not me doing the thnking its the drug just so you guys know whats your on it. Anyway, I ended up back at my abadoned apartment and phoned my Dad and told him that I had lied about the reason for taking the car and had gotten high. He fuckin screamed and flipped out and said he was coming to get me. I went back to his house stayed the night there and he had arrangmed for me to go to "detox" the next morning. I did not want to go but the next morning he forced me. I spent about a week there completely sobering up and staying clean and then got out. I had to wait about 4 days after that before I could get a spot at a nice rehab and drug treatment facilty centre and that is when I started that thread that I did back in April of 2007 that you guys may remember telling you all that I had a problem and would be going away for some help. SINCE THAT DAY ON MARCH 29TH OF 2007 I HAVE NOT HAD ONE SINGLE MOUTHFUL OF ALCOHOL NOR ANY DRUG OF ANY SORT. I HAVE STAYED 100% SOBER FOR 318 DAYS SINCE THAT NIGHT AND THAT STORY ALONE SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND ON A DAILY BASIS AND IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF CRAZY BULLSHIT LIFESTYLE I WAS LIVING. IT HAS TAKEN EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILL POWER OVER THIS DURATION AND WAS VERY TOUGH IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS BUT NOW I HAVE A FOUNDATION LAID AND FEEL VERY CONFIDENT I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT SHIT. I HOPE MY STORY CAN HELP ANYONE ELSE WHO THINKS THEY MAY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRUGS AND/OR ALCOHOL CAUSE IT ONLY GETS WORSE AND IT CREEPS UP SLOWLY. GOD BLEESS LOL...

Chad Hamilton

Damn. I read books shorter than this.

[Three Jack]

All that in one paragraph