Urgent Please Read/respond!!!! Part 2

[ToDaClub]

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text...



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.



If you are laughing, send me your smile.



If you are eating, send me a bite.



If you are drinking, send me a sip.



If you are crying, send me your tears.



I love you."





He replied..."I'm on the toilet…What should I do?"

LMFAO!!!!

[baseballdave]

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text...



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.



If you are laughing, send me your smile.



If you are eating, send me a bite.



If you are drinking, send me a sip.



If you are crying, send me your tears.



I love you."





He replied..."I'm on the toilet…What should I do?"

[kbsooner21]

Good jokes lately Club

[ToDaClub]

Morning gents





I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"

And that's the last thing I remember.

[Ldawg]

What up peeps?

Good job thread killer ....

[10DimeBry]

What up peeps?

[kbsooner21]

Hey all

[ToDaClub]

Morning Joe, morning guys.

[Spark]

Morning Everyone

[Ldawg]

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.


My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.


The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"


A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

OMG Funny stuff club ... congrats on hanging in there for 30 long years ! You are probably lucky, like me (33/35 and counting) no one else would put up with us for that long...
congrats

[kbsooner21]

No she never buys me flowers. Damm, she's lucky I keep her around.

[ToDaClub]

No she never buys me flowers. Damm, she's lucky I keep her around.

[kbsooner21]

You get those flowers yet

[ToDaClub]

Probably wasn't the nicest thing to post on my 30th anniversary

[kbsooner21]