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Sparks Autobiography

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  • Sparks Autobiography

    > A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
    >> "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my
    > life?"
    >> "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
    >> There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
    >> "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this ************ is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
    >
    >> -----------------------------------------
    >> An older gentleman was on the operating table
    >> awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
    >> a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
    >> As he was about to get the anesthesia,
    >> he asked to speak to his son.
    >> "Yes, Dad, what is it?"
    >> "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and
    >> just remember, if it doesn't go well,
    >> if something happens to me... your mother is going to come
    >> and live with you and your wife..."
    >
    >> -----------------------------------------
    >> Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
    >> stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
    >> ------------------------------------------
    >> The older we get, the fewer things seem
    >> worth waiting in line for
    >> ------------------------------------------
    >> Some people try to turn back their odometers.
    >> Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
    >> I've traveled a long way and some of the
    >> roads weren't paved.
    >> --------------------------------------------
    >> When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
    >> think of Algebra.
    >> ---------------------------------------------
    >> You know you are getting old when everything
    >> either dries up or leaks.
    >> ----------------------------------------------
    >> I don't know how I got over the hill
    >> without getting to the top.
    >> ----------------------------------------------
    >> One of the many things no one tells you about aging
    >> is that it is such a nice change from being young.
    >> ----------------------------------- -----------
    >> Ah, being young is beautiful,
    >> but being old is comfortable.
    >> ----------------------------------------- ------
    >> Old age is when former classmates are so gray,
    >> wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
    >> -------------- --------------------------------
    >> If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
    >> you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
    >> -------------------------------------------
    >> First you forget names, then you forget faces.
    >> Then you forget to pull up your zipper!
    >> It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
    >> -------------------------------------------
    >> Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
    >> with sticks, it was called witchcraft...
    >> Today, it's called golf!
    >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
    >> A WELL PLANNED LIFE????
    >> Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
    >> One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,
    >> Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
    >> " Yes," said her friend.
    >> "My first marriage was to a millionaire;
    >> my second marriage was to an actor;
    >> my third marriage was to a preacher;
    >> and now I'm married to an undertaker."
    >> Her friend asked,
    >> "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
    >> "One for the money,
    >> two for the show,
    >> three to get ready,
    >> and four to go.

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