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Sorry if these are old and/or you may have seen them, but in the spirit of fairness, I wanted to present the "other" side.
It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. This tradition began about 25 years ago down in Washington, DC by a quick-thinking Ted Kennedy who was spotted leaving his office with an 18-year-old." — David Letterman
"Today was President Bush's inauguration. What a great symbol for our republic, the inauguration. Everyone had a good time. Senator Ted Kennedy was in a good mood, he had a few too many cocktails and was writing his name in the snow." — David Letterman
"It was a long, dull speech. Halfway through, Ted Kennedy sent drinks over to the Bush twins." — David Letterman, on Bush's State of the Union Address
"Apparently, some punk kids went nuts and tipped over Ted Kennedy." — David Letterman, on the New England Patriots' Super Bowl parade
"Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?" — David Letterman
"Ted Kennedy said even if Hillary Clinton runs for president, he will still support John Kerry for the Democratic nomination in 2008. Ted Kennedy backing John Kerry - you know what they say, two giant heads are better than one." - Jay Leno
"They say President Bush has started drinking again. Boy, he'll do anything to get Ted Kennedy's support for that Supreme Court nominee." — Jay Leno
"Congress is investigating steroids. It's kind of ironic, isn't it? Ted Kennedy asking somebody how their head got so big." — Jay Leno
"Ted Kennedy said today that the Democratic party is still the majority party. That means he's been drinking again." — Jay Leno
"Did you see who's campaigning with John Kerry now? Ted Kennedy! Can you imagine those two giant heads coming down the street together? It's gonna look like a Macy's Day parade." — Jay Leno
"On Wednesday, President Bush named the Justice Department headquarters after Robert F. Kennedy. Then he went around the corner and named a strip club after Ted." — Jay Leno
"Today in Washington, Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger had lunch with Senator Ted Kennedy. I understand Gloria Allred is now representing the waitress." — Jay Leno
"Schwarzenegger met with President Bush to try and get some money for California and then after the meeting he took Ted Kennedy to lunch. Feeding Ted Kennedy, how much does that cost? In fact, after the bill came Arnold had to go back to President Bush to get more money." — Jay Leno
"Just about a half hour ago, the U.S. Senate finished a marathon session on judicial nominees that lasted 30 straight hours. In fact, at 5 a.m. Ted Kennedy was so tired he put his head down on several desks." — Conan O'Brien
"Ted Kennedy called for Rumsfeld's resignation. This is interesting. This marks the first time Kennedy has ever come out against anything with rum in it." — Conan O'Brien
"After the switch, the Democrats would have 51 seats, the Republicans would have 49 seats, and Senator Ted Kennedy would still need four seats." — Craig Kilborn
"Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy." — Craig Kilborn
"Ted Kennedy was stopped from going on an airliner because his name somehow ended up on a no-fly list. Is this really safe for people - Ted Kennedy driving?" — Craig Kilborn
It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. This tradition began about 25 years ago down in Washington, DC by a quick-thinking Ted Kennedy who was spotted leaving his office with an 18-year-old." — David Letterman
"Today was President Bush's inauguration. What a great symbol for our republic, the inauguration. Everyone had a good time. Senator Ted Kennedy was in a good mood, he had a few too many cocktails and was writing his name in the snow." — David Letterman
"It was a long, dull speech. Halfway through, Ted Kennedy sent drinks over to the Bush twins." — David Letterman, on Bush's State of the Union Address
"Apparently, some punk kids went nuts and tipped over Ted Kennedy." — David Letterman, on the New England Patriots' Super Bowl parade
"Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?" — David Letterman
"Ted Kennedy said even if Hillary Clinton runs for president, he will still support John Kerry for the Democratic nomination in 2008. Ted Kennedy backing John Kerry - you know what they say, two giant heads are better than one." - Jay Leno
"They say President Bush has started drinking again. Boy, he'll do anything to get Ted Kennedy's support for that Supreme Court nominee." — Jay Leno
"Congress is investigating steroids. It's kind of ironic, isn't it? Ted Kennedy asking somebody how their head got so big." — Jay Leno
"Ted Kennedy said today that the Democratic party is still the majority party. That means he's been drinking again." — Jay Leno
"Did you see who's campaigning with John Kerry now? Ted Kennedy! Can you imagine those two giant heads coming down the street together? It's gonna look like a Macy's Day parade." — Jay Leno
"On Wednesday, President Bush named the Justice Department headquarters after Robert F. Kennedy. Then he went around the corner and named a strip club after Ted." — Jay Leno
"Today in Washington, Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger had lunch with Senator Ted Kennedy. I understand Gloria Allred is now representing the waitress." — Jay Leno
"Schwarzenegger met with President Bush to try and get some money for California and then after the meeting he took Ted Kennedy to lunch. Feeding Ted Kennedy, how much does that cost? In fact, after the bill came Arnold had to go back to President Bush to get more money." — Jay Leno
"Just about a half hour ago, the U.S. Senate finished a marathon session on judicial nominees that lasted 30 straight hours. In fact, at 5 a.m. Ted Kennedy was so tired he put his head down on several desks." — Conan O'Brien
"Ted Kennedy called for Rumsfeld's resignation. This is interesting. This marks the first time Kennedy has ever come out against anything with rum in it." — Conan O'Brien
"After the switch, the Democrats would have 51 seats, the Republicans would have 49 seats, and Senator Ted Kennedy would still need four seats." — Craig Kilborn
"Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy." — Craig Kilborn
"Ted Kennedy was stopped from going on an airliner because his name somehow ended up on a no-fly list. Is this really safe for people - Ted Kennedy driving?" — Craig Kilborn