Redneck Computer Terms

[Spark]

A List of Redneck Computer Terms

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.

Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.

Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.

Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.

Cache - Needed when you go to da store.

Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.

Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.

Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.

Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.

Diskette - A female Disco dancer.

Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.

Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.

Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.

Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.

Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.

Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.

Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.

Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.

Rom - Where the pope lives.

Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.

Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.

Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

[bobw45]

lol

good one

[AlexTheGreat]

Being from ALABAMA I am very offended !















JUST KIDDING POPS. THATS FUNNY SHIET

[10DimeBry]

spark you cant laugh at your own posts.

[Spark]

spark you cant laugh at your own posts.

hahaha


Alex, if that bothers you ... you are on the wrong site kiddo .hahahahahaha ... :christmas

[10DimeBry]

hahaha


Alex, if that bothers you ... you are on the wrong site kiddo .

spark,

please put on your glasses and read the BIG ass print above. it says just kiddin

[Spark]

spark,

please put on your glasses and read the BIG ass print above. it says just kiddin

No kidding sherlock ...

[Spark]

The Gender of Computers

Why computers should be considered masculine:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers should be feminine:
1. No one but their creator understands their interanl logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[Spark]

>A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
>A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
>Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
>Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
>As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney".

[AlexTheGreat]

The Gender of Computers


Why computers should be feminine:
1. No one but their creator understands their interanl logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

IS THIS YOU SPARKS? JK LOL

[Spark]

IS THIS YOU SPARKS? JK LOL

Hey smartass .. I am starting to regret getting you in here ... j/k ... hahaha

[10DimeBry]

IS THIS YOU SPARKS?

bawahhhhhhh thats great

[Spark]

Subject: : Denver Airport true story

Denver Airport

I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you out there who've had
to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. An award should go to
the United Airlines gate agent in Denver! For being smart and funny, while
making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to
fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was
re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengersBbehind he could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone, "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard
clearly throughout the terminal. We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO
DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please
come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared
at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, I'm sorry sir, you'll have to
get in line for that, too."