THE MOST FUNNY THING EVER! Chuck Norris - the facts

[bhs4life]

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.


Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.


Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

[bhs4life]

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."


Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

[bhs4life]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

[bhs4life]

If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.


The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.


In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

[bhs4life]

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

[bhs4life]

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

[bhs4life]

Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids, therefore Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single season home run king.

[bhs4life]

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

[bhs4life]

:christmas

[bhs4life]

Bump

[MarkLemke]

OMG, I think I might be getting fired as I didn't know my boss was in the next room and I was just laughing hysterically for about 5 minutes solid!!! Oh, but it was definitely worth it!!!!!

[bhs4life]

http://addictingclips.com/content/chuckontony.html

[JBC13]

bump

[Lil Re/Max]

you forgot the best chuck norris one.....

Wilt Chamberlin claims to have slept with over 20,000 women, Chuck Norris calls that a slow Tuesday