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  • Joke

    Sorry if this has been posted before;my 86 year old mom sent this to me:

    My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

    "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money." Mike replies.
    "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
    sample and the computer will tell you what is wrong and what to do about it.
    It takes ten seconds and costs ten collars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."

    So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He
    deposits ten dollars, and the computer light up and asks for the urine
    sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,
    the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
    warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

    Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began
    wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool
    sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm
    sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the
    results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
    results.

    The computer prints the following:

    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
    2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with antifungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
    3. Your daughter has a cocaine problem. Get her into rehab.
    4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never
    get better.

    Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

  • #2

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    • #3
      Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years.
      > Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
      > Washington state, as far from
      > humanity as possible.
      > He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
      > Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
      >
      > After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
      > door.
      > He opens it and sees a huge bearded man standing there.
      >
      > "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road.
      > Having a Christmas party Friday night.
      > Thought you might like to come.
      > About five o'clock".
      >
      > "Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
      > folks. Thank you."
      >
      > As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you ...... be some drinkin'."
      >
      > "Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business I can drink
      > with
      > the best of em."
      >
      > Again the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be
      > some fightin' too."
      >
      > "Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks
      > again."
      >
      > "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
      >
      > "Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, really warming to the idea.
      > "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
      > By the way, what should I wear?"
      >
      > "Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us.

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      • #4
        those both are too good
        Questions, comments, complaints:
        [email protected]

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