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BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART
1) SYMPTOM
2) FAULT
3) ACTION
1 Feet cold and wet.
2 Glass being held at incorrect angle.
3 Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
1 Feet warm and wet.
2 Improper bladder control.
3 Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
1 Beer unusually pale and tasteless
2 Glass empty.
3 Get someone to buy you another beer.
1 Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
2 You have fallen over backward.
3 Have yourself leashed to bar.
1 Mouth contains cigarette butts.
2 You have fallen forward.
3 See above.
1 Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
2 Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
3 Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
1 Floor blurred.
2 You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
3 Get someone to buy you another beer.
1 Floor moving.
2 You are being carried out.
3 Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
1 Room seems unusually dark.
2 Bar has closed.
3 Confirm home address with bartender.
1 Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
2 Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
3 Cover mouth.
1 Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
2 You are dancing on the table.
3 Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
1 Beer is crystal-clear.
2 It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
3 Punch him.
1 Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
2 You have been in a fight.
3 Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
1 Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
2 You've wandered into the wrong party.
3 See if they have free beer.
1 Your singing sounds distorted.
2 The beer is too weak.
3 Have more beer until your voice improves.
1 Don't remember the words to the song.
2 Beer is just right.
3 Play air guitar.
1) SYMPTOM
2) FAULT
3) ACTION
1 Feet cold and wet.
2 Glass being held at incorrect angle.
3 Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
1 Feet warm and wet.
2 Improper bladder control.
3 Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
1 Beer unusually pale and tasteless
2 Glass empty.
3 Get someone to buy you another beer.
1 Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
2 You have fallen over backward.
3 Have yourself leashed to bar.
1 Mouth contains cigarette butts.
2 You have fallen forward.
3 See above.
1 Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
2 Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
3 Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
1 Floor blurred.
2 You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
3 Get someone to buy you another beer.
1 Floor moving.
2 You are being carried out.
3 Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
1 Room seems unusually dark.
2 Bar has closed.
3 Confirm home address with bartender.
1 Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
2 Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
3 Cover mouth.
1 Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
2 You are dancing on the table.
3 Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
1 Beer is crystal-clear.
2 It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
3 Punch him.
1 Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
2 You have been in a fight.
3 Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
1 Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
2 You've wandered into the wrong party.
3 See if they have free beer.
1 Your singing sounds distorted.
2 The beer is too weak.
3 Have more beer until your voice improves.
1 Don't remember the words to the song.
2 Beer is just right.
3 Play air guitar.
