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By RONDA TIMBERLAKE
Washington, D.C.
YOU CAN get a nagging wife off your back by acting like President George W. Bush, says an expert.
"The President of the United States is a master at deflecting charges and accusations even when he's guilty as sin," says Dr. Ernest Philpot, author of the important new book, Nag This! Everyman's Guide to Surviving a Shrew.
"When he got caught lying about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, what did he do? He said, 'I never said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq,' even though he not only said it, he said it a thousand times.
"When he got caught with a radio transmitter on his back during the presidential debates, how did he react? He countered with the most ridiculous 'alternative explanation' I've heard in my life: 'That was no transmitter,' he told reporters. 'That was a badly tailored shirt.'
"That was a brazen lie, but it shut everybody up.
"And he's got more tricks up his sleeve, too."
Here, from Dr. Philpot's book, are six ways to stop a wife's nagging by acting like the President:
1 INVOKE RELIGION. If your wife accuses you of infidelity or drinking too much or spending too much time with the boys, deflect her charges by steering the conversation to religion.
Talk about your deep, personal faith in a higher power, and if she's really PO'd, ask her to join you in prayer. It's hard to ream someone out when you're on your knees communing with the Lord.
2 STAMMER, STUTTER AND STALL. When the little lady starts bitching about something you have or haven't done and demands a response, take your time about giving it to her.
Hem and haw. Choose your words carefully to make sure your answer makes no sense. While she's scratching her head trying to figure out what you said, make a run for the 7-Eleven or go mow the lawn.
3 NEVER ADMIT YOU'VE DONE ANYTHING WRONG. If a nagging spouse says you forgot to take out the garbage or fix a leaky faucet, look her in the eyes and say, "Yes I did" -- even if you didn't. If she argues with you, don't fight back -- simply hold your ground.
4 SWAGGER AND SCOWL. Nothing shuts up a nagging wife like a "manly man" swaggering around the room and scowling the whole time she's trying to dress him down. It's the same move the President used on John Kerry during the presidential debates -- and look who's in the White House now!
5 GO AWOL. When the National Guard got in the way of his partying in 1973, the President pulled a vanishing act and then opted out with an early resignation. When the wife gets on your case, head for the hills. Don't come back until she's had plenty of time to cool off, even if it means steering clear of her for days.
Washington, D.C.
YOU CAN get a nagging wife off your back by acting like President George W. Bush, says an expert.
"The President of the United States is a master at deflecting charges and accusations even when he's guilty as sin," says Dr. Ernest Philpot, author of the important new book, Nag This! Everyman's Guide to Surviving a Shrew.
"When he got caught lying about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, what did he do? He said, 'I never said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq,' even though he not only said it, he said it a thousand times.
"When he got caught with a radio transmitter on his back during the presidential debates, how did he react? He countered with the most ridiculous 'alternative explanation' I've heard in my life: 'That was no transmitter,' he told reporters. 'That was a badly tailored shirt.'
"That was a brazen lie, but it shut everybody up.
"And he's got more tricks up his sleeve, too."
Here, from Dr. Philpot's book, are six ways to stop a wife's nagging by acting like the President:
1 INVOKE RELIGION. If your wife accuses you of infidelity or drinking too much or spending too much time with the boys, deflect her charges by steering the conversation to religion.
Talk about your deep, personal faith in a higher power, and if she's really PO'd, ask her to join you in prayer. It's hard to ream someone out when you're on your knees communing with the Lord.
2 STAMMER, STUTTER AND STALL. When the little lady starts bitching about something you have or haven't done and demands a response, take your time about giving it to her.
Hem and haw. Choose your words carefully to make sure your answer makes no sense. While she's scratching her head trying to figure out what you said, make a run for the 7-Eleven or go mow the lawn.
3 NEVER ADMIT YOU'VE DONE ANYTHING WRONG. If a nagging spouse says you forgot to take out the garbage or fix a leaky faucet, look her in the eyes and say, "Yes I did" -- even if you didn't. If she argues with you, don't fight back -- simply hold your ground.
4 SWAGGER AND SCOWL. Nothing shuts up a nagging wife like a "manly man" swaggering around the room and scowling the whole time she's trying to dress him down. It's the same move the President used on John Kerry during the presidential debates -- and look who's in the White House now!
5 GO AWOL. When the National Guard got in the way of his partying in 1973, the President pulled a vanishing act and then opted out with an early resignation. When the wife gets on your case, head for the hills. Don't come back until she's had plenty of time to cool off, even if it means steering clear of her for days.
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