my net joke of the day

[HOOTERGUY]

it's old, but still not bad



LITTLE TONY ON MATH



>
> A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
>you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
>
> He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
>
> The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
>
> Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."
>
>"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is
delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is
gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
the ice cream. Which one is married ?" The teacher, blushing a great deal,
replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked
the cone."
>
> To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
>wedding ring on,"but I like your thinking."
>
> LITTLE TONY ON MATH
>
> Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> "Why?" asks the father ?
> "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
> "But that's right !" says his dad.
> "Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
> "What's the fucking difference ?" asks the father.
> "That's what I said !"
>
> LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
>
> Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word ?" TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
>
> Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
>
>
> Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"
>
>The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in
>this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'Please use
>the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
>Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if
>you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
>
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
>
> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
>twice.
>
> First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very
good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
>
> "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
>She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
>little TONY.
>
> "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful !'"
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
>
> Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
>after another.
> After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you
>know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot
your teeth, and make you fat." Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to
>be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars
at a time ?"


Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."'
>
>

[HOOTERGUY]

does this fit any one in here ?

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going


to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they
passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.

The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."

They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load
on a poor donkey.
The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?



If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye.


Have A Nice Day &
Be Careful With Your Donkey