Tweet
ear Friends and Family:
>
>At this time of year, I want to thank all of you who have taken the
time
>and
>trouble to send me your chain emails over the past 12 months. Thank
you
>for
>making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove
>toilet stains.
>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
>products are atheists who refuse to put Under God on their cans.
>
>I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the
>rat
>feces and urine that could be on the can.
>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked
>with a needle infected with AIDS.
>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water
>buffalo on a hot day.
>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
>perfume
>sample and rob me.
>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al
>Queda in disguise.
>
>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
>American troops or the Salvation Army.
>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number
>for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
>Singapore
>and Uzbekistan.
>
>I no longer have any sneakers - but that will change once I receive my
>free
>replacement pair from Nike.
>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
>their
>recipe.
>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out
>for me and St. Theresa Novena has granted my every wish.
>
>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>forward
>an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(I
>don't remember that in the Bible.)
>
>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about
>to die in the hospital (for the 1,287,258th time).
>
>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the
>$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their
>special e-mail program.
>
>Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me
that
>I
>will now return the favor!
>
>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70
>minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
>(EST)
>this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
>causing
>you to grow a hairy hump.
>
>I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
>next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
>beautician! Honest!
>
>
>
>At this time of year, I want to thank all of you who have taken the
time
>and
>trouble to send me your chain emails over the past 12 months. Thank
you
>for
>making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove
>toilet stains.
>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
>products are atheists who refuse to put Under God on their cans.
>
>I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the
>rat
>feces and urine that could be on the can.
>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked
>with a needle infected with AIDS.
>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water
>buffalo on a hot day.
>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
>perfume
>sample and rob me.
>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al
>Queda in disguise.
>
>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
>American troops or the Salvation Army.
>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number
>for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
>Singapore
>and Uzbekistan.
>
>I no longer have any sneakers - but that will change once I receive my
>free
>replacement pair from Nike.
>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
>their
>recipe.
>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out
>for me and St. Theresa Novena has granted my every wish.
>
>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>forward
>an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(I
>don't remember that in the Bible.)
>
>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about
>to die in the hospital (for the 1,287,258th time).
>
>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the
>$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their
>special e-mail program.
>
>Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me
that
>I
>will now return the favor!
>
>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70
>minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
>(EST)
>this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
>causing
>you to grow a hairy hump.
>
>I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
>next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
>beautician! Honest!
>
>
Comment