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Spark - In honor of your birthday I took the time and did some digging into your background . I interviewed a number of people whose lives you touched so deeply.
Here goes ......
Remember Mr. Prothro your music teacher ? ( He looks like R WALL )
Prothro: " I've never seen a child so devoid of musical talent ... it was pathetic ... His parents gave him a banjo for his 9th birthday ... HE WAS BLOWING INTO IT !!! I asked him to take up another hobby ... he started to cry . What a wimp !!!! So I gave him a lollipop then slapped his face ... he shit his pants and ran home."
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Here is " SCRUFFY " ... Your long time companion
Hey Asswipe !!!! I'm supposed to be your best friend ??? You haven't fed me in 2 days. Get your ass home and do the right thing . Oh , By The Way , Pal , I left a little birthday gift for you in the bedroom ... it's on the carpet.
PS ... don't use the swimming pool.
Happy Birthday, Dipshit !!!!!
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And Remember Martha, Your High School Prom Date ?
Martha: " Sure I'm BITTER ! After all , I gave him a blow job in the back seat of his '38 Buick and he never returned any of my calls after that night. He used me ... He wanted a good looking babe to make a grand entrance into the ballroom . The Putz tripped over his shoelace and fell flat on his ass . You should have heard all the laughter !!! He ran into the parking lot crying his eyes out . I blew him out of sympathy. And Little !!! Let me tell you his pecker looked like a boiled shrimp. Yet there was something about him that was appealing but I still can't figure out what it was."
"Anyway ... Happy Birthday , Tiny "
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Remember Your Math Teacher , Mr. Lipshitz ?
Lipshitz: Spark ? .... Spark ? .... OH YEAH , Now I remember him .... THE CHEAT !!! .... He used to take tests with all these jip notes scribbled on his hands in ink . I remember one day right after lunch there was a mosquito in the classroom . It kept landing on Spark's face ... probably because of all the powdered sugar on him from the jelly donuts he ate .... his face was all smudged with the ink and that's how I caught him . I gave him an " F " and 2 slaps across his fat face . Hahahahahahahahahahaha .... He wet his pants and started to cry ... ran out of the room and hid in the chemistry lab.
" Whatever became of that Schmuck, anyway ? ... Is he a dog catcher ?"
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Surprise Surprise Spark ... Here is your Urologist, Dr. Towbin
Towbin: " I 'm doing everything I possibly can but Spark's body keeps rejecting all of my Penal Implants. I guess it's not in the cards. I mean his goal is not overly ambitious ... All he ever wanted was a 3 inch Schlong ... erect of course. If all else fails I may recommend that he become an Insurance Salesman in which case size doesnt matter."
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Remember Mr. Dumzowski , your Gym teacher ?
Dumzowski: " Spark .... Hmmmmm ... Oh Yeah .... I remember that one. He was the only one of my students who didn't require a protective cup. The Poor Putz !!! When he'd climb the ropes all the other kids would look up and laugh at the crap stains on his gym shorts. One day he did 2 push ups and peed the mat. Flatulent as all hell , too ... especially when he tried to do my squat thrusts ... he'd make trombone noises when he farted and it always stunk to high heavens "
" The Poor Bastard "
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I even went to your Racetrack to have a chat with Salvatore Zupo ... one of your regular tellers.
Zupo: " SPARK ??? OH JESUS ... How can I not know him ? Coming to me for 25 years now and never cashed one winning ticket. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha Why he is Sooooo unlucky that when he makes horse bets I give him the tickets Already Torn Up In Pieces ...... FO - GED - A - BOW - DIT !!!!
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And last but certainly not least Ms. Kilcoyne, your Home Economics Teacher.
Kilcoyne: " I remember Spark like it was yesterday ... in fact IT WAS YESTERDAY ... Imagine ?? an 86 yeal old man taking a Home Ec Class ? What a Loser !!!!! Well, we only had one class so far but there are 2 things I've observed about him ... he keeps a neat wallet ... and he seems extremely comfortable wearing an apron.
How will he do in my class ? ... As of now I'd have to say that I'm going to have to FLUNK HIS FAT ASS ... it disturbed me to no end to see him ladle a generous amount of relish on the cheese cake ."
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Well, there it is Spark ... I tried to track down your hair stylist ... Steffan ... but he was too busy blowing Georgio The Florist. I'll have a little chat with him on your next birthday.
Happy Birthday , Pal O Mine
Neil
Here goes ......
Remember Mr. Prothro your music teacher ? ( He looks like R WALL )
Prothro: " I've never seen a child so devoid of musical talent ... it was pathetic ... His parents gave him a banjo for his 9th birthday ... HE WAS BLOWING INTO IT !!! I asked him to take up another hobby ... he started to cry . What a wimp !!!! So I gave him a lollipop then slapped his face ... he shit his pants and ran home."
************************************
Here is " SCRUFFY " ... Your long time companion
Hey Asswipe !!!! I'm supposed to be your best friend ??? You haven't fed me in 2 days. Get your ass home and do the right thing . Oh , By The Way , Pal , I left a little birthday gift for you in the bedroom ... it's on the carpet.
PS ... don't use the swimming pool.
Happy Birthday, Dipshit !!!!!
**********************************
And Remember Martha, Your High School Prom Date ?
Martha: " Sure I'm BITTER ! After all , I gave him a blow job in the back seat of his '38 Buick and he never returned any of my calls after that night. He used me ... He wanted a good looking babe to make a grand entrance into the ballroom . The Putz tripped over his shoelace and fell flat on his ass . You should have heard all the laughter !!! He ran into the parking lot crying his eyes out . I blew him out of sympathy. And Little !!! Let me tell you his pecker looked like a boiled shrimp. Yet there was something about him that was appealing but I still can't figure out what it was."
"Anyway ... Happy Birthday , Tiny "
*****************************
Remember Your Math Teacher , Mr. Lipshitz ?
Lipshitz: Spark ? .... Spark ? .... OH YEAH , Now I remember him .... THE CHEAT !!! .... He used to take tests with all these jip notes scribbled on his hands in ink . I remember one day right after lunch there was a mosquito in the classroom . It kept landing on Spark's face ... probably because of all the powdered sugar on him from the jelly donuts he ate .... his face was all smudged with the ink and that's how I caught him . I gave him an " F " and 2 slaps across his fat face . Hahahahahahahahahahaha .... He wet his pants and started to cry ... ran out of the room and hid in the chemistry lab.
" Whatever became of that Schmuck, anyway ? ... Is he a dog catcher ?"
********************************
Surprise Surprise Spark ... Here is your Urologist, Dr. Towbin
Towbin: " I 'm doing everything I possibly can but Spark's body keeps rejecting all of my Penal Implants. I guess it's not in the cards. I mean his goal is not overly ambitious ... All he ever wanted was a 3 inch Schlong ... erect of course. If all else fails I may recommend that he become an Insurance Salesman in which case size doesnt matter."
********************************
Remember Mr. Dumzowski , your Gym teacher ?
Dumzowski: " Spark .... Hmmmmm ... Oh Yeah .... I remember that one. He was the only one of my students who didn't require a protective cup. The Poor Putz !!! When he'd climb the ropes all the other kids would look up and laugh at the crap stains on his gym shorts. One day he did 2 push ups and peed the mat. Flatulent as all hell , too ... especially when he tried to do my squat thrusts ... he'd make trombone noises when he farted and it always stunk to high heavens "
" The Poor Bastard "
********************************
I even went to your Racetrack to have a chat with Salvatore Zupo ... one of your regular tellers.
Zupo: " SPARK ??? OH JESUS ... How can I not know him ? Coming to me for 25 years now and never cashed one winning ticket. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha Why he is Sooooo unlucky that when he makes horse bets I give him the tickets Already Torn Up In Pieces ...... FO - GED - A - BOW - DIT !!!!
*********************************
And last but certainly not least Ms. Kilcoyne, your Home Economics Teacher.
Kilcoyne: " I remember Spark like it was yesterday ... in fact IT WAS YESTERDAY ... Imagine ?? an 86 yeal old man taking a Home Ec Class ? What a Loser !!!!! Well, we only had one class so far but there are 2 things I've observed about him ... he keeps a neat wallet ... and he seems extremely comfortable wearing an apron.
How will he do in my class ? ... As of now I'd have to say that I'm going to have to FLUNK HIS FAT ASS ... it disturbed me to no end to see him ladle a generous amount of relish on the cheese cake ."
*********************************
Well, there it is Spark ... I tried to track down your hair stylist ... Steffan ... but he was too busy blowing Georgio The Florist. I'll have a little chat with him on your next birthday.
Happy Birthday , Pal O Mine
Neil
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