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**BigTicket** · 07-01-2005, 02:22 PM

**x2gold** · 07-01-2005, 02:32 PM

Your crazy man..that's funny stuff...

**Lsufan** · 07-01-2005, 02:35 PM

Great Story Neil

**RJeremy** · 07-01-2005, 02:53 PM

Whew, I can't believe I just read that whole story.

Funny shit Neil!!

**LSUMONSTER** · 07-01-2005, 03:45 PM

where is Part 2, CB? I read part 1 but could not find Part 2???very funny stories.

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:21 PM

A Day in The Life of ME Part 2

So I have my tongue up this chick’s ass, right?

Now I don’t have to tell you two what a beautiful thing that is … I mean who better than you knows what I’m talkin bout.

So there I am on my hands and knees goin to town on this Tomato when all of a sudden THE BANK TELLER starts getting on my last fuckin nerve ... that pimply faced , pencil neck , pain in the ass , pest bastid .

“ Next “

" Next "

“ NEXT !!!!! “

NEXT !!!!!!!!

So Dina yells out to this Yo- Yo … “ Hey Pee Wee …. Can’t you see we’re busy over here ? … ( I think her name was Dina though it could have been Deanna or Deidre or Dummy or Dunce … you know what ? WHO CARES ? ) Anyways then she says: “ Give your mouth a rest before I leap over that glass window and put my boot in your eye .“

Meanwhile I’m mindin my own business lickin her belly button from the inside when I feel a tap on my shoulder … then another …. then again.

I turn around and see this geek lookin down at me.

I says to him I says “ You got a problem , Tubby ? “

“Excuuuuussse ME Misssssster “ … he says in a high pitched fruity ass tone …. “ Is thissss the end of tha Lyyyyyne ? “

I said : “ Hey Snapper Head , you touch me one more time and I can guarantee you it will be. “

“ Issss thisssss thaaaaaa ennnnnn “

“Pal “ … ( I slammed on his brakes ) … Tell you what … turn around then that'll put you at the beginning of the line. Then waddle that fat ass of yours on over to the clown behind the window … the one with the clip - on tie … and tell him you want change for a buck. Be sure to mention that we sent you …. OH WAIT .. here …. before you go ….. take this with you” ….. SLAP !!!!

“ Now take off “

You know Guys I just don’t understand people nowadays. NO DAMN RESPECT you know what I mean ? With all the Goddamn Interruptions it took me 3 hours to finish her off. ( She was a classy one ... I had to buy her coffee afterwards.) It's like I’m standing around in line … the babe is in front of me with a short skirt, a thong, and “fuck – me" pumps ... she drops a 20 and bends over. What else was I supposed to do ? . I mean like Don’t throw a Bush or an Ass in my face … Whattya think I’m gonna do ?? … Stare at it ??? ... Talk To It ??? ... NO .... I’M GONNA BANG IT.

It used to be so easy to throw a hump or two into some PUTANA …. anywhere …. at any time ... like at a Little League Game … or in Homeroom …. Or The Opera … The 13th Green at Augusta ... The Frozen Food Department of Wallbaum’s … A Funeral Parlor … Aisles 102 – 126 in Home Depot … AND OH …. my favorite place of all time ….The Saturday Afternoon Confessional … I’m tellin’ ya …. You keep a good hard - on in there … I don’t know why - maybe it’s all the Velvet .

“ Bless me Father For I have …. Uhhhhh …. A DUSH …A DUSH… A DUSH …. MMMMmmmm …. Ooooooooo ….. Ahhhhhhhhhhh … OOOOoooooooo …. AHHHhhhhhhhhhh ….. right there, baby ……. DUSH ….. MMMMmmmmm ….. A Dusssssshh …. Ummmmm …. SINNED ….. Yeah Father I think I Sinned “

“ Why My Son you sound a little out of breath “

“ Nahhhh, Padre, I got this ligament problem over here is all … and oh by the way … before I start … Remember - when you dish out my penance be sure you deduct a prayer off the top … While you were sliding open that wooden window I just completed A Hail Mary ( Touchdown, CB !!! )

******************************

I don’t know how I get away with this shenanigins all the time but I have a Theory:

I got an easy life .

I MARRIED MONEY.

Not a human being mind you , but a big - ass stack of fifties and hundreds.

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:24 PM

A Day in The Life of Me Part 1

So yesterday I went shopping. And I'm in one of the stores … get what I gotta get … and I go to check out. Naturally there's a line , which I despise , but I'm hangin out staring at this chick's ass in front of me … you know … to while away the HOURS . It wasn't a great ass … a little too skinny for my taste … but it was a time passer nonetheless. Through her flimsy skirt I could see the feint outline of a thong in her crack and I was debating whether or not to drop my knees and stick my tongue up her ass but I decided against it because there was this Nun standing right behind me and there are some things I just won't do. I mean That's Wrong , you know ?

Anyway , It's finally my turn … the lady rings me up … I hand her a C Note.

She pulls out this felt pen , holds the bill up to the light , marks the bill , holds it up again , gazes at it , squints , studies it , spits on it … and now there are 10 people on line behind me shaking their heads and breathing heavy, including Sister Mary Joseph.

So she hands me the change … ones … fives … a few tens … and a sawbuck.

I then took out MY PEN which I purchased earlier at Staples and started to mark each and every one of the bills I received as change … held everyone up to the light … studied them … gazed at them …squinted at them … scratched my head ... marked them again … spit on them … and took my sweet ass time in doing so.

The people on line behind me all started to crack up laughing at the same time followed by a round of applause . It was the fuckin' best !!!

So The Putz Manager waddles over and asks what's goin' on .

So I says to him: "I'll be with you in a minute , Pal … I'm just checkin to see if your money is good … you know .. just like you check all of our money … you got a freakin' problem with that ? "

Another outburst of laughter and applause .

So then I raised my voice a little and added: " So Pal … The FBI can't make any headway figuring out who's behind an International Ring of Counterfeiters who've been plaguing this country for decades … but your "EDNA" over here in Aisle 8 of Bed , Bath and Beyond … Oh Yeah … SHE'S GONNA CRACK THE FUCKIN CASE "

" Now please step aside so I can leave"

More applause .....

Guys it felt sooooo good ... lol

-cb

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:32 PM

Explanation of Part 1

The whole idea of my act yesterday was not to make any kind of statement. All I really wanted to do was drum up some action with a chick ( or even two if they were friends on the line together) who has a decent sense of humor .

I figured on 2 college roomates for an afternoon delight of Shakespeare and Cunnilingus in their dorm.

One of them would definitely have to be on ALL FOURS ... after all .. where the fuck else am I gonna put the ashtray !!!!

But Dammit my plan backfired when That Pain In The Ass Nun showed up behind me. It was tough to make moves while that BIG BLACK CROSS was giggling from the beads around her waist.

That's OK ... there are plenty of other stores but there's one drawback ... because it deals strictly in quarters it can't work in a laundromat which has always been one of my favorite places to pick up chicks ... especially the ones who sit on top of the washer and dryer so that their pussies can feel the vibes... no panties on because they're being done ... it's a great set up ... the rest is a matter of technique ... a little sweet talk ... they lose the sweatsuit .... BOOM ... HOME RUN .... DONE AND DONE
__________________

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:34 PM

Then LSU Fan Jimmy Asked Me .....

Hey Neil, maybe you can help me out with something. I don't really understand what's so terrific about a laundromat. Can you explain it a little further???

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:37 PM

Then I answered .....

Dear Jimmy:

What makes the laundromat so good for bangin out a babe is the duality between cleanliness and filthiness and this causes the chick’s Pook –Yock to get hotter and wetter than usual. On the one hand … fresh , clean smelling clothes … on the other … a tongue up her ass. This dichotomy makes the puss yearn to be porked repeatedly . Mind you now this isn’t my idea ; some big tittied grad student was babbling this phenomenon to me while I was playin trap the clam with her vag one rainy afternoon in a bowling alley bathroom.

Ok here’s the deal . I’m gonna let you in on something that I swore I’d never reveal. This is what you’re gonna do and trust me it’s all the way sweet. So she’s sitting on the dryer and you go over and start up with her. You offer her a smoke, that’s always an ice breaker … preferably a Marlboro , not some fruitcake cig. After a while she loosens up and you know you’re gonna bang her . You place your arms gently on her legs and continue with some bullshit small talk. You’re on your own with what you’ll rap about … I won’t attempt to put words in your mouth. But Above All keep looking up at her squarely in the eyes … it gives her the illusion that she has some semblance of control. Then when the time is right you lift her up from her waist and ever so gently ease her down making sure that your bodies are pressing close from the front while her ass is rubbing the facing of the dryer all the way down. I call this maneuver: " The Old Squeeze Play " and I'm credited with first inventing and using it . The "squeeze play" subliminally sets her up for your ensuing rear entry.

Now here’s where it gets tricky but it all ties in. You’re gonna bend her over but NOT in front of the dryer . You want The Dunce to be squarely facing the washer with her arms spread wide apart for balance and her palms braced firmly against it . She must be looking directly into the glass window with her clothes moving circular and clockwise. That’s the key. Now you can go to town on that ass.

You tongue it for a while … I’ll assume you’re well versed in all the different areas of that ass … the Upper Crack , the Lower Crack down near the Mat , the Cheeks of course .. and finally , the most important feature … THE BUNG

Don’t be timid … don’t be shy … GET IN THERE !!!

Ok now you’re on your way .

Within minutes the circular motion of her clothes , with all the warm suds , the swooshing sounds , the vibrations of the machine from her hands to her arms , then to her shoulders … and ultimately transmitted to her tits … will send her into an hypnotic state. That’s the goal.

How will you know this if you’re not facing her ? The answer is elementary . While your tongue is up her bung , her pussy will let out an air pocket and this is your one and only signal that she’s totally under and completely relaxed.

Do Not … I Repeat … Do Not attempt to bang the Pookyock without hearing the pussy fart. The last thing you want to do is trap any air up there while your dick is pounding away … this will break the spell and it will cost you the fuck of the decade.

Instead … wait for her go – ahead and then immediately shift your emphasis to the Vag.

It will already be moist from the preceding events … however that’s not enough … now you must work it over into a freaking frenzy.

Once this has been accomplished … I guarantee you that her’s will be by far the best pussy you’ve ever sampled.

Let me know how this works out for you . Happy Hunting, Pal

Your friend,

Neil

OH ONE LAST TIP .... Make sure you have more than enough quarters handy .. you dont ever want the washing machine to stop until you're completely fucked out.

I forgot to mention ....

Sorry I thought I covered all the bases but there's something that I'd like add:

You know how like pilots and divers and whatnot are trained in case of an underwater emergency ... " Do nothing until you see the direction of the air bubbles ... then swim in that direction and proceed to safety " ?

Well that's the Pernt I'm tryin to bring out ... bide your time until you get the vaginal signal .... that all important air bubble ... then you go in that direction.

So you can utilize this technique not only on land but also when you're Underwater Muff Diving as well.

Remember always .... The Twats may differ whether on land or sea but the principle remains the same.

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:39 PM

There now youre completely up to date ....

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:41 PM

I dont know why this thread was placed in " Non gambling Issues "

You dont call this shit I do GAMBLING ????

lol

**10DimeBry** · 07-01-2005, 04:47 PM

Originally posted by CoverBoy

I dont know why this thread was placed in " Non gambling Issues "

You dont call this shit I do GAMBLING ????

lol

NO!!!!

**CoverBoy** · 07-01-2005, 04:47 PM

Part 4 A preview ...

I'm debating about what to do for A Day in the Life Part 4

Right now thinking I can go 2 different ways

1) How I victimized The Gabrielli Twins to get to their Old Lady

or

2) The 4th Grade

PS I just caught your post Bry ... nice try pal ... BUT

YOU'RE NOT AN ASSHOLE SO FORGET ABOUT ENTERTAINING ANY IDEAS ABOUT YOU OVERTAKING RONALD JEREMY FOR ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR . RONALD IS A LOCK !!!!

Announcement

A Day In The Life of Me - Part 3 … A Coverboy Flashback

A Day In The Life of Me - Part 3 … A Coverboy Flashback

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