Jokes

[suds]

An executive was pondering over a hard decision. He had to
get rid of one of his staff.

He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra, or Jack.
It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally
qualified and both did excellent work.

He finally decided that in the morning, whichever one used the
water cooler first would be the one to go.

Debra came in the next morning, badly hung over after partying
all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to wash
down some aspirin.

The executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never
done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like shit."

[suds]

Joke #2

A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting
there for awhile, he yells to the bartender,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only
fair ..given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Miste! r. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[worm]

Here is one for you

Who says men don't remember anniversaries..:
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter Dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when your mother caught us making love behind the couch?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into the chair next to him. The husband continues...."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said "Either you marry my daughter or go to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she says softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says....."I would have gotten out today."

[Fast Eddie]

JOKE:

This couple had a secret word for sex for when the kids were around and it was "typewriter"
The mom told little Billy to inform his dad that the "typewriter" was ready for the letter that needed to be typed. Billy went and told his dad and he said ok, but just continued watching the ballgame.
The next night mom told little Billy to go and tell your dad that I have gotten a new ribbon on the "typewriter" and it is ready to start the letter that they needed to type.
Little Billy came back to his mom and said "dad wanted me to tell you that he "hand" wrote that letter and did not need the typewriter"

[bobw45]

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was hit by lightning. One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stood up in the front of the plane.

I'm to young to die , she wailed. Then she yelled, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN???

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone had forgotten his or her own peril. Eyes riveted, they all stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane.He was handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt, muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped!!!

He said, "Iron this, -- and then get me a beer."