More Jokes

[rwall]

I hope someone's enjoying these

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'

[rwall]

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"

[rwall]

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

[rwall]

A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, flops his chop out and and places it on the counter. "What are you doing, Sir?", she asks. "This is a clock shop!!" He replied, "I know it is and I would like 2 hands and a face put on this!

[Spark]

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they
>stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and
>there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last
>year."
>
>"The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated
>50 times last year."
>
>They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This
>bull mated 120 times last year.
>
>"The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than
>twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
>
>They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
>capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
>
>The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs,
>said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this
>one."
>
>The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with
>the same cow?"
>

>*NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable
and he should eventually make a full recovery.

[wondo]

Guy here's a knock on the door, looks down and sees a snail. He picks it up and throws it accross the street. A year later, he here's a knock on the door , he opens it, it's the same snail. The snail looks up at the guy and says " what the hell was that all about?"

[wondo]

change here's to hears