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    Rules for Bedroom Golf
    1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

    2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

    3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

    4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

    5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

    6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

    7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

    8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

    9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

    10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

    11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play
    when this is the case.

    12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

    13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

    14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request. (Course time is Four to Five Hours)

    15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
    Remember the three R's:
    Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

  • #2
    Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker, were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

    After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."

    The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."
    Remember the three R's:
    Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

    Comment


    • #3
      A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, "Six shots?! What's wrong?" "I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.

      The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "What now?" asked the bartender. "I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.

      The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "Jeez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."
      Remember the three R's:
      Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

      Comment


      • #4
        The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time ( weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice," I'd like to try the bet."
        After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender payed the $1000, and asked the little man," what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
        The man replied," I work for the IRS."
        Remember the three R's:
        Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

        Comment


        • #5
          A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

          The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

          The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

          "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

          The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

          The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

          The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

          The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
          Remember the three R's:
          Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

          Comment


          • #6
            WHAT IS THE LAST THING THROUGH A BUG'S MIND WHEN HE HITS THE WINDSHIELD? His ass.


            WHY DO LITTLE GIRLS CARRY GOLDFISH IN THEIR POCKETS?
            To smell like big girls.

            WHY WAS TIME OUT CALLED AT THE LEPER HOCKEY GAME?
            There was a face off in the corner

            WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU COME ACROSS AN ELEPHANT?
            Wipe it off.

            WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PICK AND CHOOSE?
            Pick is when you make a selection, choose is what a Mexican wears on his feet
            Remember the three R's:
            Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

            Comment


            • #7
              WHAT DO YOU CALL A MEXICAN WITH A VASECTOMY?
              A dry Martinez

              WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A MOSQUITO?
              A mosquitto stops sucking when you slap it

              WHY DO FARTS SMELL?
              So deaf people can appreciate them too.
              Remember the three R's:
              Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

              Comment

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