Announcement

**HUNGlikeabear** · 12-16-2004, 08:31 PM

Bud Dumfuck now has a baseball team that has nowhere to play

**Spark** · 12-17-2004, 01:25 PM

more random thoughts.......
13) Prices for tickets to Bronx games were raised this week, with the best seats now $90 a pop; imagine guy going to game and shelling out $90 to watch the Devil Rays or Kansas City play?

12) If they contract the Expos after the 2006 season, baseball should take the A's with them. It has become old to root for a team that is a glorified minor league club, developing talent for the rich folk. This has been going on for just about thirty years, and enough; the nitwit that owns the team should either sell or volunteer to be bought out. He doesn't deserve a big league club, and he certainly doesn't deserve a spunky bunch of overachievers who do what they can, before failing.

11) Another one of baseball's stupid moves is allowing the scummy SF Giants to block the A's move to either San Jose or Santa Clara, where they would become a big market team. They are allowed to block the A's from moving out of Oakland to a town 30 miles or so farther away from San Francisco- go figure.

10) Mike Ditka is now part owner of Chicago Rush in the Arena Football League, a sound investment; as an owner, he joins Ron Jaworski, Jon Bon Jovi and Tim McGraw, who recently bought part Nashville Kats,all of whom are involved in the exciting Arena League.

9) Good to see old friend James Thomas pulling down 15 rebounds a game in the NBDL, playing for a team in Roanoke; if he keeps that up, the all-time leading rebounder in Texas Longhorn history migth be getting a phone call to go up to the bigtime, where he belongs.

8) Why has USC offensive coordinator Norm Chow never been a head coach? Has the guy ever worked on a bad team, with a boring offense, even once?

7) Barry Melrose went on the radio Thursday and said NHL players cannot win this labor dispute, that they should just cash their chips now and cut their losses. It will be interesting to see if the Players' Association allows the enitre NHL season to be wiped away.

6) Ohio State made an excellent hire with hoop coach Thad Matta; here's a guy who once led an NCAA 1st round game 43-10 at the half, and he wasn't favored to win the game.

5) Two sidebars on that game; Matta was coaching Butler and was thrashing Dave Odom's Wake Forest team by 33 that day: We're sitting there watching the game, and get a smart idea; There is no way Wake Forest is losing this game by 33 points, so we'll call up and bet on Wake to cover the second half line.

So I call, and the guy tells me Wake is -10 in second half; I think I yelled at him, something about the damn team just scored ten points in a whole half, now they are favored by ten, in a half? We passed on wager, Wake loses by 19, outscoring Butler by 14 in second half. Should have gone with our first instinct.

4) Second sidebar is that Odom took the So. Carolina job after that game; Wake Forest replaced him with Skip Prosser, and Matta was able to move up as he took Prosser's place at Xavier. Sometimes, the world works in very strange ways.

3) Paul Silas gets to coach Lebron James, which has to be at least a little fun, but then I see him dismiss Eric Snow in the first half of his game last night, and I think that coaching in the NBA is joyless, but it does pay damn well.

2) Siena beat Youngstown State in four OT's the other as a kid who did not score a point in regulation had 15 points in the four OT's. Hope the coach sees the light and gives the kid more minutes now. He's earned it.

1) Vlade Divac got a pretty long standing ovation as he checked into the Laker-King game Thursday, then immediately, Kobe Bryant made an amazing baseline drive and reverse dunk, as if to say, "Don't cheer any player but me....."

Wouldn't be the last bit surprised if that is the mentality behind making sure Karl Malone doesn't come back to the Lakers, since he would be chasing the all-time scoring mark, which would take attention away from a guy who may be the most narcissitic star we have ever seen in this country, and thats saying a lot.

Thursday List of 13, the I am cold edition.......
13) This is the tenth season for the Raiders since they returned to Oakland; their record during that time? 76-81. Whatever happened to Just Win, Baby?

12) USC opens a new basketball building in 2006, which according to LA-raised Jay Bilas, will makes Troy a prominent player on the west coast scene. Now they also have Rick Majerus, so the USC-UCLA rivalry should be something down the road.

11) Thats good news for Pepperdine, which thought it might be losing Paul Westphal to his alma mater. The Waves have a nice team this year; if they can finish second in the WCC, and catch a break in the WCC tourney, they could be the #2 WCC team in March Madness, assuming that Gonzaga will be a lock for the Field of 65.

10) By the way, we've mentioned this in other years, but Pepperdine reminds me of Carver High from The White Shadow TV series, a television classic, by the way. Same orange uniforms, point guard with a big afro, former NBA player as a coach, all they need is Cybil to be school president, Salami and Goldstein to be boosters, or Jim Willis to be athletic director.

9) Majerus musn't have liked Bristol, CT very much. Maybe it was working with Richard Phelps, whose says more words per thought that any person alive.

8) People who scoff at Dennis Erickson should remember the guy won two national titles at Miami. How many coaches out there have won two national titles? His NFL record is spotty, but as a college coach, Erickson is as good as most anyone.

I walked across the parking lot at lunchtime today, and damn near froze to death; its cold here in America's second-favorite city, so the rest of today's list is about golf, just so I can warm up a little until the hot chocolate takes effect.........

7) Greg Norman turns 50 in February, Loren Roberts in June, as the Senior Tour gets stronger every year.

6) 2004 leader in sand saves: Dan Forsman, 62.3%.

5) 2004 leader in scrambling (par or better when you miss green in regulation): Retief Goosen, 66.1%. 4) Fred Funk hit the fairway with 77.2% of his drives, best on Tour.

3) Total driving (driving distance rank + driving accuracy rank): Jeff Brehaut, who finished 62nd in distance, 17th in accuracy, and still wound up in Q School.

2) Paul Stankowski made $442,872 last year, and finished 150th, which gets him exempt on Nationwide Tour. Jeff Sluman made $1,007,635, which means he finished last amongst the 77 players who won at least a million bucks on Tour last year. That's not counting endorsements.

1) Buy your kids golf clubs for Christmas.

Wednesday List of 13, more random thoughts
13) The Mets just spent $54 million on a pitcher who is clearly on downside of the hill, but is still way better than anyone else they have. Will Pedro last four years as an effective pitcher? Look at the Mets' rotation for 2005: Pedro-Glavine-Benson-Zambrano-Trachsel.

I defy you to name anyone in baseball who can go that deep with solid starting pitching. Of course, their OF is from hunger, but they still have time to fix that.

12) This is how bad Kansas City's defense is; they're 5-8, and their opponents have started only five drives in Chief territory all season.

11) This guy Bernard Kerik was a bigshot in NYPD, and rose so high politically that he was nominated for Homeland Security Chief in whole country, but now it comes out that he has enough skeletons in his closet that he could have been an NBA player.

My question is this: He has to know himself about the two mistresses, the hidden third ex-wife, connections with the mob, did he not think this would come out?

The guy cashed $6 million in stock recently; what cop owns $6 million in stock? While we fully admire a bald guy named Bernard who can bed Judith Regan, this seems to be a case where he got too big for his own good, and now every detail of his life will be picked apart with a fine tooth comb. The price of fame.

10) Top six NHL teams, in terms of revenue they've produced: Toronto-Dallas-Colorado-Detroit-Philly and the Rangers. By the way, stop calling Edmonton a low revenue team; they're anywhere from 12th to 15th in revenue produced in the league, middle class.

9) We talked about Indiana being overscheduled, well their athletic department is also $5 million in debt, and that, 1) will prevent them from firing Mike Davis, since they can't afford to pay extra bodies, and 2) is making it a lot harder to hire a quality head football coach.

8) You could make a strong case that Red Sox' team doctor won the World Series for Boston, with work he did on Schilling's ankle. What thanks do they give the guy? They fired him, with a plan in place to use a roster of specialists instead. Gratitude.......

7) The Nationwide/Nike/buy.com Tour is the AAA of pro golf, the level right below the bigtime. Who has the most career starts in the history of this tour? Fellow named Steve Haskins, who is the son of the legendary basketball coach, Don Haskins of Texas-El Paso. He keeps trying to make the bigtime, but has failed so far.

6) Granted, the Chief-Titan game Monday night had zero playoff implications, but what a spirited game it was, and a great example of why pro football is such a great sport. The two teams just went toe-to-toe until they had nothing left; if you didn't know better, looking att he emotion of the players, you'd have thought first place was at stake.

5) What does it say about the state of the 49ers that Dennis Erickson wants to go coach Ole Miss, and get out of a huge contract with the Niners?

4) You think if Miami Dolphin interim coach Jim Bates were to become the fulltime coach of the Fish, he can find room on his staff for Rick Neuheisel? Slick Rick was the QB of the San Antonio Gunslingers back in the USFL, when Bates was the 'slingers' head coach.

3) The draft order for 2005 fantasy baseball league is now posted on the Othersports page. Draft will begin once Beltran has signed his contract, since other high profile signings should happen right after that.

2) Regis Philbin is pinch-hitting for Dick Clark on TV New Year's Eve, as the ageless Clark recovers from a stroke. We hope he gets better soon. His best work, by the way, was on the $10,000 Pyramid, not on the more popular American Bandstand.

1) 59 teams were bowl eligible this season, and there are 28 bowls, so 56 teams go bowling. South Carolina and Clemson disqualified themselves, which meant one lone team would be eligible, but get left home.

Who was it? The Akron Zips, who watched Michigan State blow a 21-0 lead at Hawaii in their last game and lose 41-38. Had Spartans won, Hawaii wouldn't have been eligible, and Akron would have gotten a trip to paradise. Tough break for the Zips.

Tuesday List of 13, random thoughts........
13) Why would people gather and cheer when a death sentence came down for Scott Peterson? Its not like he is famous; its a horrible tragedy, and if he did it, he deserves to die, but for people to cheer? Its sad.

12) Who will be the first TV executive with the onions to put an execution on Pay-per-View? If it happened, it would make a whole lot of money, at least the first one would.......

11) Speaking of slow deaths, in their last eleven games the Saints have been outscored 104-0 in first quarter.

10) Troy Brown has three INTs for the Patriots, while playing both ways for a 12-1 team, but he's not a self-promoter; if Deion Sanders was doing what Brown does, we'd never hear the end of him. Maybe ESPN should devote some airtime to a great player who isn't a self-promoting jerk.

9) Ravens and Bills both started six drives in opposing territory Sunday; in 13 games this season, Rams have started a total of six drives in enemy territory, and only one in their last seven games.

8) Is Charlie Weis leaving the beginning of the end for the Patriots, especially since he wants to take some of the Patriot coaches with him? This will be interesting, to see who winds up where, assistant coach-wise

7) Walt Harris left Pitt for Stanford, which says a lot about the appreciation he felt in the Steel City. Panther alum Mark May ripped Harris more than once on live TV this season, a sure sign the alumni weren't happy. Not too many guys walk away from a team after they go to a BCS bowl, though, for a lateral move.

6) According to Forbes Magazine, which I never read the NBA franchises worth the most are: 1) Lakers, at $515 million, 2) Knicks, $494 mill, 3) Dallas, $374 mill, 4) Houston, $369 mill, and the Bulls, $368 million

5) Damon Jones of the Heat is in the 3-point shootout All-Star weekend in Denver; if he wins, his teammate Shaquille O'Neal is going to give him $50,000. Pretty nice teammate. Either that, or he doesn't think he'll win

4) Indiana Hoosiers are horribly overscheduled, and I am not sure Mike Davis can survive it with his job.

3) Speaking of which, Tyrone Willingham's career is in much better shape now than it was a month ago, as he is the new coach at state university with resources and a legitimate chance to win big, unlike what he had at Notre Dame. Huskies and Irish play in September.

2) The Mets turned down Floyd-for-Martinez, which means they can't be going after Sammy Sosa, who is in same salary range as Manny, and isn't as good.

1) Super scumweasel Scott Boras, who pathetically, has more clout than the Commissioner of Baseball, is at it again, trying to rip teams off in the Beltran case, like he did the Rangers with Alex Rodriguez. Sports would be so much better off without these parasites, who suck 3 or 4% out of every contract. Wouldn't a player be better off doing his own contract?

Monday List of 13, Super Bowl necessities.....
Since I watch way too much football on TV, I feel that I'm qualified to point out qualities that separate teams, the best from the almost-best to the mediocre.....here are 13 things I think a championship team needs.

13) One offensive lineman, where if you have to run it on 3rd-and-1, can line up and you know that running behind him gets you the first down.

12) An offensive line, as a group, that can protect the passer on a long yardage play, without needing help from a fullback or tight end.

11) Running backs and receivers that protect the ball.

10) Wide receivers who catch the ball over the middle even when they're about to get smacked.

9) Defensive linemen who create pass rush without the benefit of a blitz.

8) Cornerbacks who can cover 1-on-1, for situations when you do blitz.

7) Linebackers who are fast enough to cover a back and strong enough to help stop the run.

6) Special teams have to be valued; they determine a great deal of the field position.

5) Enough depth to withstand inevitable injuries.

4) A third or fourth wide receiver who the QB trusts and can hit on key third down plays.

3) Division of labor within the coaching staff, equality between offensive, defensive philosophies. The head coach can't be obsessed with one side of the ball.

2) A punter who can drill a 55-yarder when you're in lousy field position, and one who can pin the opponent inside their own 10 when punting from midfield, and a kicker who is reliable from 47 yards and in.

1) Lady Luck, good luck, positive karma. Most Super Bowl winners have a play where ball needs to bounce their way, or marginal flag is thrown (or not thrown) and they springboard off that play.

The Tuck Rule play for the '01 Patriots, Norwood's missed FG for the '90 Giants, Nolan Cromwell's drop on an INT in Super Bowl XXIV, that would have cost the Steelers a fourth Super Bowl. Whomever wins will make that difference-making play.

Weekend List of 13, random thoughts......
13) Remember the name Jordan Farmar; the freshman point guard for UCLA is the real deal; he took over the last 2:00 of the Pepperdine game, beating Waves (and us) with three key hoops.

UCLA dominated the boards, Farmar dominated the last minute, but the experienced Waves still had 67-60 lead late in game, until the officials did their best to send Coach Wooden home happy.

12) Why would anyone schedule Washington State in basketball? The Cougars' last two wins were 49-46 and 37-36 scores; they lost 81-29 last week. They got Dick Bennett to be their coach knowing he'd make them respectable, which he is doing, but in doing so, hes also made them unwatchable.

11) I thought the Diamondbacks had financial issues, then they go out and spend $45 million on Troy Glaus, who missed a lot of last year with an injury. They must have excellent accountants.

10) Alarming number of kids had to sit out first four games of the high school basketball season in this area because of transfer rules. There has been anincrease in kids shopping themselves to get more playing time, or to play for a more desirable coach. Its actually a little sad, because most of the kids don't get scholarships, and high school should be a social experience, too.

9) There is a tomato crisis!!! According to the people in the sandwich shop near where I work, the cost of a case of tomatoes has jumped from $14 to $70!!!!

The increase is being blamed on the Florida hurricanes but tomatoes come from Mexico, not Florida, so there is chicanery involved here. The crisis is supposed to last for only a month, but in the meantime, people are getting charged extra to put a tomato on their subs.

8) There is a snow crisis in Minnesota, where folks are taking to riding snowmobiles on alfalfa, because there is no snow. There has been no comment from the fan club of the Little Rascals on this latest development.

7) January 28th, the weekend before the Super Bowl, is opening weekend for the nineteenth season of Arena Football. Of course, every game will be analyzed on this very website.

6) The PGA Tour starts January 6th with Mercedes event in Hawaii. The first event in the 2005 Golf Tour on this website will be in February. Othersports page is the place to go for all that information.

5) It has been so damp and dreary here in America's second-favorite city that I decided to research some golf stats, to make it seem warmer.......Hank Kuehne led the Tour in average driving distance, with 314.4 yards per drive, on 178 measured drives. John Daly was third with 306.0, Eldrick Woods was 9th with an average of 301.9 yards, and Phil Mickelson was tied for thirtieth with 295.4. A total of fifteen golfers had an average of at least 300 yards per measured drive.

4) Joe Durant led the Tour in greens in regulation with 73.3%.......Vijay Singh was 2nd at 73.0; Woods was tied for 47th at 66.9% and Mickelson was tenth at 69.5%.

3) Someone named Arjun Atwal led the Tour with a scoring average of 69.00 in final round; Retief Goosen was 2nd at 69.50; Singth was 6th at 69.78, Woods is #15 at 70.28, and Mickelson tied for 23rd with 70.44

2) Gee, it must be lot of fun writing on NHL.com, in these lockout-ridden times; they have a hypothetical tournament going on, between great teams of the past, but other than that, good golly, it has to be depressing

1) Gordon Gund, the blind owner of the Cavaliers, is about to sell the team for a reported $375 million. 21 years ago, Gund bought the downtrodden franchise for $20 million. Pretty good business deal. Now, with Lebronmania in full swing, he is getting out while the getting is still good.

Friday List of 13, the weekend edition......
13) White Sox gave Jermaine Dye $10 million for two years; did they fire all their scouts? Dye is not worth that kind of money, no freakin' way.......further proof that this is a great country.

12) Miguel Cairo hit .292 this year in 360 AB for the Bronx team, but in typical fashion, they brought in new guy to play second next year, Tony Womack. Cairo is a good player who will be a bargain for someone.

11) The ironic thing about all the negative publicity in the NBA, is that the games are more fun to watch than they've been since the Bird/Magic days. More teams run, there are less plodding players, good stuff.......

10) Amazing finish in Houston last night, as McGrady scored 13 points in the last 37 seconds, as Rockets pulled off a miraculous 81-80 win over the Spurs. In second half of TNT's twinbill, Shareef Abdur-Rahim stuck a three at the buzzer to beat Boston, 89-87.

9) Do we need high school hoop on national TV? It is a novelty, but it seems like kids get an inflated view of themselves, when they're pushed into the spotlight a bit too quickly. Just show college games.......

8) Speaking of college, the hideous Heisman Trophy is given away this week; why is so much more of a fuss made about this trophy, than the other Player of Year awards in different sports? It just seems stupid. You can't win the award unless your team is real good and your school has a good Sports Information office.

7) Marriage licenses issued in Las Vegas by year:

1983: 59,835; 1993: 86,608; 2003: 119,124

Talk about an increase in legalized gambling........

6) Allegheny's Gators, maybe the youngest team in all of four-year college basketball, scored 128 points on Wednesday, and still lost, 135-128 to Westminster. Of the 200 minutes played by Allegheny players, 159 were played by freshmen and sophomores.

5) The owner of the Danbury Trashers, a minor league hockey team in Connecticut, was charged with assault after he punched the referee in the penalty box. UHL officials are trying to get the official to drop charges against the owner, who owns garbage removal service which is why the team is called the Trashers.

4) Ole Miss obviously used David Cutcliffe to get Eli Manning to play college football in Oxford; Cutcliffe was Peyton Manning's coordinator at Tennessee, and got hired at Ole Miss, where he coached Eli and led the Rebels to a Cotton Bowl win just last year.

But now, less than a year later, hes gone, which seems weird, since its not like Ole Miss is Miami or Florida State; Cutcliffe deserved more, for getting the Rebels into a New Year's Day game, where they won.

3) I am telling you, the NBA is worth following; look at Seattle's roster, and explain to me how they've won seventeen of their first twenty games.

2) Let me get this straight: Martha Stewart signed TV deal while she is in prison? Pete Rose can't get in the Hall of Fame for whatever reason (much of which is his own doing, but still......) while Ms Stewart makes money, even while serving time in federal prison. Yuk

1) USC athletic director Mike Garrett will look like a genius if he can get Rick Majerus to sign with Trojans as coach next year. If he doesn't, then hes going to be hard pressed not to look like a jerk for firing his coach four games into the season.

Thursday List of 13
13) College coaches need to come clean on who voted how in the Coaches' poll that had Cal lower than sixth on four ballots. Anyone who doesn't put Bears in top six is either corrupt, stupid, or under the influence of a Texas alum. Think about it, the other Big 12 coaches stood to gain $1 million each for their program if Texas made the BCS bowl.

Why would the Baylor coach (just using him as an example) vote for Cal over Texas, if that vote cost his school a million bucks? Conference teams share all bowl money, with schools taking roughly 50% of cash they make in their poll, and plitting the rest with other league members. This is a major conflict of interest deal, and something needs to be done about it, after the steroids issue is dealt with.

12) Cal redid Coach Tedford's contract, so he makes just as much money as Urban Meyer will at Florida. Bears' AD Sandy Barbour got Tedford's new contract privately financed, which means that those generous boosters get to decide when, and if Tedford is canned should the time come. If you don't see me, as Tyrone Willingham.

11) There are teams in the NBA who are so totally obscure- Atlanta, Golden State, Toronto; it makes it even more impressive how Lebron James' presence with the Cavaliers has vaulted them into the elite class in the east. Cleveland was a major presence in the obscure grouping before they landed Lebron; now others are always looking for the next Lebron, to invigorate their team, but a kid like him is a once-a-generation player.

10) Florida has Urban Meyer, Utah has its new coach, UNLV took another Utah assistant to be its new coach; Illinois has Ron Zook, East Carolina has a guy, only Ole Miss, Washington and Notre Dame as prominent programs looking for a coach. I don't think Ole Miss will go outside of the south looking for a coach. Since Rick Neuheisel was fired by the Huskies, that leaves the Irish in a unique position to take a chance on a proven winner, who does have a little baggage, but at this point in the process, who doesn't?

9) Virginia-Iowa State was excellent hoop game Monday night, but the roughest college game I've seen in years; ton of jawing, decent amount of pushing/shoving, lot of runs by both teams. UVa coach Gillen did superior job using his timeouts to keep his team close, calling his final timeout with 8:03 left, but Cyclones prevailed at the end, 81-79.

8) Funny how Divisions I-AA, II and III have playoff systems for football, but the big boys do not. Must be a mountain of money buried somewhere in the bowl system, and the people who collect it are very protective.

7) Doing my bowl research, I was happy to uncover a little nugget about SEC teams doing very well in the Independence Bowl; generally, the Shreveport bowl is a SEC-Big 12 tussle, so I had this good piece of info to work with. Wasn't real happy when I saw the Miami, OH-Iowa State matchup for the Independence Bowl. The tidbit will still be useable next year, but would have been nice to use it this year, too. .

6) Sign of the times: middle-of-aisle Christmas display at Dick's Sporting Goods, a home poker set, complete with chips and playing cards. Not sure if those sun visors or sunglasses come in the set, also.

5) Cardinal fans, take heart; down in Puerto Rico, Rick Ankiel has thrown 25 innings, with three walks and 20 strikeouts.

4) Jerry Rice had eight catches, 145 yards Monday night. The man in amazing.

3) Baseball Winter Meetings start tomorrow. There is a logjam of activity that will take place at some point, but you get the idea that Beltran has to sign, in order to set the market for everyone else. At that point, there will be flurry of activity.

2) Will the steroids stuff keep Bonds and Sheffield out of the Hall of Fame, the way gambling is keeping Pete Rose out?

1) The more I think about how upset the Bronx baseball team is with Mr Giambi's situation, the more inclined I am to believe that they somehow got his grand jury testimony leaked, so they could void his contract and be rid of him.

Wednesday List of 13, random winter thoughts....
13) OK, you're mentally shot, and you have no idea what to get your sports fan/significant other as a last second gift. Boy, did you come to the right place.....

www.talkingbottleopener.net is the site you need to see. Lets face it, what says "I love you!!" more than a talking bottle opener? From the Three Stooges to one that plays Boomer Sooner, you can get bottle opener to fit any occasion, and make this holiday a special one. Make this Christmas one you'll never forget; for only $8.95. Hey, why not get one for the boss, too?

12) A technical foul in the NBA should also count as a personal foul, just like college. Maybe that would cut down on them a little bit. Or maybe it wouldn't.

11) Flipping channels between Oklahoma St-Syracuse and the NBA games on the dish, there really is quite a talent gap. College ball is more fun to watch, once the conference play starts, but I give the NBA credit; their product is now fun to watch, except for a few teams who have ballhog point guards, like the 76ers.

10) Jets have not allowed a second half point in their last three games and in ahlf their twelve games so far this season. This is excellent coaching.

9) Oklahoma State-Syracuse had a tenseness with it that made you think you were watching a regional final Still a little early, chemistry-wise for the kids, but the players are getting used to each other, and things will be fine once the holidays get here.

8) I was reading an article by ESPN's Doug Gottlieb, who is from Orange County but played for Oklahoma State, and he said how the basketball facilities UCLA has are just so antiquated, compared to other schools, that it hurts them badly in recruiting.

7) There is a distinct possibility that a 7-9 team could win the NFC West. There is also a distinct possibility the Rams are going rue the day they lost to the Miami Dolphins, led by Dave Wannstedt. It was the only tilt Wannstedt won this season, before he resigned.

6) www.remembertheaba.com Good website about the coolest sports league ever.

5) Eddie Sutton has coached seventeen trsnsfers in his days at Oklahoma State.

4) Halfway through the fourth quarter Tuesday night, the Suns looked dead vs Golden State, down 72-65, but before you could say, "Connie Hawkins", Phoenix went off on a 21-0 run that broke game open and gave Suns their 11th win in last twelve games. Do you think Mike Montgomery misses Stanford, just a little?

3) In college basketball, TV timeouts now take place before foul shots are taken, which, in effect, freezes the shooter for up to three minutes in between being fouled and shooting the ball. Supposedly, referees are not happy with the new rule, but no word on why.

2) Apparently, the only way Jason Giambi's contract can be voided is if he commits a crime; since he was granted immunity for testifying to the leaky grand jury, he cannot be charged with a crime, and will get the rest of the $76 million he is still owed by Bronx.

1) Don't expect to see ol' #25 invited back to any of the Old Timers festivities, though. It will be interesting to see if they run him off before training camp, or if he goes to Tampa and faces the media circus.

Tuesday List of 13, on various pigskin topics
13) I have seen every Monday night games in the 35 years of Monday Night Football; I would vote Dallas 43, Seattle 39 as best game they've had in 35 years of primetime games. What mood swings in the game.

12) Drew Bennett of the Titans had three TD catches in first quarter Sunday, then Tennessee never scored another point vs suspect Colt defense.

11) Jets allowed a total of 17 points in their last three games, a very impressive number, but they'll go to Heinz Field without Abraham, their best defender.

10) The last nine times Atlanta started drive in enemy territory, they've scored just two TD's and two FG's, not what you want from your offense; the've given up four TD's in foes' last five green zone drives.

9) I saw Dave Wannstedt's name linked with Notre Dame today, but I doublt the Irish are hiring anyone who is associated with Jimmy Johnson or Miami.

8) How does Texas A&M stumble into a New Years bowl game; was it the loss to Baylor? Meanwhile, Cal plays in the Holiday Bowl, not a bad gig, but there is something magical about New Year's Day, opposed to two days before

7) How on God's green earth is A&M favored by 3 over Tennessee in that Cotton Bowl?

6) Tennessee football players have to report to their hotel in Dallas by 8pm, Christmas night; there are a lot of inconveniences associated with playing sports, and even more at this high level. There are also a serious amount of perks.

5) The total in the Boise-Louisville game is 83; in other words, if you invest in over, and game falls 41-40, you lose your investment; simply amazing.

4) Funny thing is, Liberty Bowl has history of lower scoring games, partially because Memphis gets share of fairly cold weather, at least by bowl standards.

3) Three games have totals over 70, all higher than the Texas Tech-Cal contest. Red Raiders twice scored 70 on their own this season.

2) Mack Brown teaches us a valuable lesson; in this world, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

1) The Mike Holmgren era in Seattle, as road games loom at Minnesota and the Jets, may be winding down

**Spark** · 12-17-2004, 01:26 PM

Monday List of 13, the weekend wrapup......
13) I've never liked it when players manipulate system to play for team of their choosing, so getting some joy out of fact that Chargers are 9-3, while Eli Manning's Giants look like the '76 Buccaneers. Eli will become a very good player, but what he did still stinks.

12) I will date myself here, but when I started rooting for Rams as a kid, the 49ers' QB was John Brodie, a terrific QB who later played on senior golf tour. Weird now that Rams were playing 49ers today with backup QB Chandler in game, because he is married to John Brodie's daughter. Chandler is fragile but solid backup who led Atlanta to Super Bowl XXXIII.

11) Ben Roethlisberger is on a good team, but he still has lot of poise.

10) There might be a dark cloud hanging over Denver and Mike Shanahan; they played in rain in San Diego, week after they played snow game vs Raiders. Very bitter loss vs Chargers yesterday, in game Broncos needed badly to win.

9) New England and Buffalo ran the opening kickoffs back for TD yesterday, while only Giant score of day came on kick return. Meanwhile Tampa Bay has been playing ball since '76, and has never run one back.

8) Why can't kickers find shoes that match?

7) Interesting investment angle would have been to go against the three starting QB's making their first start for new team (Navarre-McCown-Hutchinson); you would have cashed two of three plays.

6) No excuse for Baltimore defense taking 20-3 lead into fourth quarter, then allowing 24 points to Carson Palmer and blowing division game, 27-26. Whatever happened to "We must protect this house!!!!"?

5) Why did Billick and Gruden, so-called offensive gurus, win titles with great defenses, while defensive guru Marvin Lewis seems to be building its team on merits of its explosive offense?

4) Switching to college issues, Californioa not being in a BCS bowl is laughable; Texas belongs, but Pitt? The Pitt Panthers would be lucky to finish sixth in SEC.

3) Get your abacus out for Cal-Texas Tech contest, as well as Boise-Louisville. Both should have totals at 70 or higher.

2) Of course, every bowl game will be examined here on the college football page; all 28 games treated in the same thorough manner.

1) Phil Mushnick, writing in the New Yotk Post, was complaining that too many people are watching NFL games because of their fantasy teams, as opposed to rooting for specific team. To me, the reason for this is perfectly obvious.

Players change teams too much to draw an attachment to them, and it is more fun to have your own team, so you can control who goes where. The free agent era in sports was a natural forerunner to the growth of these leagues, where the rush of competition is greater than sitting watching one game a week with an interest.

Lot of us in society today are action addicts, craving excitement every day, as much as possible. I've had guys complain to me that I don't pick enough college hoop games on this site, that they want more action.

That, in my opinion, is why fantasy leagues are more fun for people; you can spruce up a dull Thursday at the office by calling a friend and discussing a trade for one of his players that you covet. Participation is more fun than observation, simple as that.

Weekend List of 13, the Auburn SOL edition
13) If a team goes through the rigors of SEC play, has to beat Tennessee twice, with neither game at home, and finishes the season 12-0, then they absolutely are one of the two best teams in country. No question.

12) It is 3:58 as I write this, because I stayed up and watched Michigan State-Hawaii. run-and-shoot clubs always play four hour games, so the Christmas Eve tilt with UAB and the Warriors should be something.

11) Clippers-Timberwolves was an NBA Classic on Saturday, with Minnesota winning in OT. Clippers had two chances to win in regulation, but took two shots fading from basket, so they missed on chance for a sixth consecutive win.

10) If Jason Giambi had just led the Bronx baseball team to World Series title when his steroids stuff was exposed, do you think people in New York would still be hating him? Nah, me neither.......

9) Speaking of Bronx, if any of their executives testify that they never suspected Giambi was on steroids, he or she should be fired immediately for incompetence, either that or charged with perjury.

8) I am watching Iona-Fordham basketball dsuring the week, and realized the influence that Jim Valvano still has on the game, as both coaches, Jeff Ruland and Dereck Whiitenberg, both played college ball for V.

7) Fireman Ed, the real-life fireman who leads cheers at Jet games, was reassigned in the NY Fire Dept as a disciplinary action for abusing sick leave. Imagine how sick he'll be if Jets don't make the playoffs.

6) In 2005, East Carolina University will pay out over $350,000 to two coaches, neither of whom works for the school any more; they also have to pay new coach Skip Holtz. Losing can get very expensive.

5) UNLV has had nine basketball coaches in the last 14 seasons since Jerry Tarkanian left the Shark Tank.

4) Q School is still going on, as 168 golfers battle for the thirty prized spots on the PGA Tour in 2005. As of Saturday night, Paul Brehaut has the lead at -16, as four of the six rounds have been played. -5 is the cut for a card right now (11 guys would have playoff for final four spots) with another 13 guys within two shots of that. Amazing drama, as guys play for their careers.

3) With 117 Division I teams and 56 bowl slots, it almost happened that there weren't 58 teams that had a winning record (Clemson, South Carolina declined bids). What a mess that would have been.

2) The person who leaked the Giambi testimony to the media will be found out, and that person is going to be the one who does the most jail time of anyone who is associated with this hdeous affair.

1) Could it have been possible for Notre Dame to do a worse job with this coaching thing? I mean, the nitwit in charge of this has to be sick; no Willingham, Meyer is in Gainesville, but the Utah people like him enough to let him coach the bowl game, Ferentz and Mariucci quickly said no thanks.

Hey, Gerry Faust is still available.

Friday's List of 13, random thought for weekend
13) Congrats to Harry Statham of McKendree, out in Illinois, for becoming the all-time winningest coach in 4-year college basketball, passing Dean Smith. There are junior college coaches with more wins, but no one at the four-year college level has more wins.

12) Hubie Brown landed on his feet, surfacing quickly as the lead analyst on ABC's NBA telecasts, so even getting fired seems to have an up-side........

11) There is now restaurant in Philadelphia, Celebrity Cereal Bar & Cafe, that sells only cereal, and whose servers are dressed in pajamas.

10) Notre Dame had eleven verbal commitments for its next graduating class; three of them have wavered on their verbal since Willingham was fired, and also, Utah's #1 recruit, a QB from California, pulled out of his commitment when Urban Meyer wouldn't tell him that he woul dbe at Utah for the next four years.

9) Baseball team in Bronx is having a bad week, even beyond the Giambi fiasco. Turns out the team owes a total of $3.6 million in back taxes to New York City. Maybe A-Rod can float them a loan.

8) Shed no tears for Butch Davis, who will receive his salary og $4M a year through 2007. Imagine what they would have given him had he won something.

7) The Redskins won eight of their last eleven games in 2001, yet they canned their coach, who isn't doing too badly this year; Marty Schottenheimer, who will win Coach of the Year, barring a huge collapse. Think Daniel Snyder is revisiting that decision?

6) Mike Fratello has a career NBA record of 622-465, which is darned good, considering that he never coached the Lakers or Celtics, he coached the Hawks and Cavaliers, two generally downtrodden (before the Cavs got Lebron) franchises. His career playoff mark of 20-34 sure didn't get him hired by Jerry West.

5) Kwame Brown made his season debut this week, then got booted from his first game. Not good.

4) Jim Fassel would be a good fit at Stanford, where he served as an assistant over 20 years ago, in Elway period. If Tedford leaves Cal and Fassel goes to Palo Alto, things could flipflop quickly in Bay Area ball.

3) Kurt Warner is talking himself out of the NFL. At his age, no team is going to hand him a starting spot. I do not mean this flippantly, but if he really wants to guarantee himself a spot in the starting lineup, he needs to go back to Arenaball, where he can sharpen skills and regain confidence.

2) Tyrone Willingham, by the way, won a Rose Bowl five short years ago, with Stanford. All of a sudden the media bandwagon has deserted him, which speaks to the fickle nature of most journalists, who help shape the opinion of the general public.

1) The best golf tournament of the year is taking place this week: 108 holes, 168 players, each of whom put $4,000 of their own money up, vying for 30 spots on the 2005 PGA Tour. What tension, what pressure, the best event of the year. Should get better play on TV.

Q School is the ultimate test of nerves, six rounds to see who gets the last thirty passes into the Lotto that is the pro tour. #125 on the money list will make over a half a million dollars next year; a Tour Card is akin to hitting Lotto.

Thursday's List of 13, random thoughts...........
13) Ironic that Notre Dame will soldier on and play its bowl game vs UCLA, which is coached by one of the two remaining African-American head coaches.

12) Three years is not long enough to build a winning football team, not anywhere in the country. Its hideous enough that Willingham got fired, but for Indiana to let its head coach go is even more bizarre. Who do they think they're getting to replace him, Lou Holtz?

11) Its almost like some of these schools are trying to catch lightning in bottle the way Utah has with Urban Meyer. you have to have a good foundation, and I am guessing Dinardo leaves Bloomington having left coach who succeeds him with a chance to win.

10) Connecting the two firings, Bob Davie helped got both men fired, at least his recruits did. Willingham still had a team with lot of Davie's recruits, while the QB at Indiana this year was Matt Lovecchio, who originally played college football in South Bend- his coach at Notre Dame was Davie, before he transferred.

9) Philadelphia Eagles outscored their last two foes 41-0 in second half of those games.

8) Nomar Garciaparra was voted 3/4 of a share of the Red Sox' World Series money, good for $223,620. Hope he at least rooted for them in World Series.

7) Allan Houston makes $194,777 every time Knicks have a game. Problem is, he never plays in any of them, and now his heart is being publicly questioned since he has been going through strenous workouts, but has yet to make it into a real game.

6) Mike Fratello: three years, $4 million per year. Is this a great country or what? What has he ever done, other than talk on TV a lot, to command the big $$?

5) Tennessee Titans have outscored their opponents in second half of game just once in last ten contests.

4) One of the many reasons the 49ers are awful is that they're started just nine drives in enemy territory, kicking two FG's and getting one TD. Philadelphia, on the other hand, started 22 drives in enemy territory, (8 TD's, 8 FG's), scoring 80 points; their opponents have started only nine drives in Eagle territory, while 49er foes started 21 drives (105 pts) in Niner territory.

3) Biggest reason 49ers lost to Miami Sunday was fact that Miami started four drives in their territory, while Niners started none in Miami territory.

2) If I ran the Notre Dame search porcess for a head coach, I would be looking at Iowa City, not Sale Lake City. Iowa's Kirk Ferentz is a great football coach, and he has tremendous assistant coaches.

1) Field goal percentage, both for and against, is the single-most important stat in college basketball. Last year, the top 14 Division III basketball teams in field goal percentage defense were a combined 295-87, good for a 79.3 winning percentage.

Nine teams in D-3 made half their shots or better from floor; those nine teams were a combined 179-63, or 74% winning percentage.

It remains a simple game, no matter what Dick Vitale says: the team that gets the most good shots wins.

Wednesday's List of 13, the fired coach edition
13) Notre Dame firing Tyrone Willingham is a sports story that will go beyond the boundaries of sports. Three of the five African-American head coaches have been fired in the last two weeks, but Willingham had a winning record at a major program, and still was let go. If you listen closely, you can hear Jesse Jackson warming up in the bullpen for his media blitz on what will surely be a hot button topic in weeks to come.

12) Powers-that-be in South Bend have ridiculous expectations; even with the millions of dollars that they rake in (funny how the son of NBC Sports' chairman Dick Ebersol is a Notre Dame student) from TV and licensing, they have not upgraded their facilities as many of their competitors have, which has hurt them in recruiting. You have to spend it to make it, people; you can't expect miracles. This isn't a movie.

11) Losing by 31 points to USC three years in a row didn't help his case, but Notre Dame beat Michigan and Tennessee this season. Three years, two bowls, a 21-15 overall record. Life is not always fair, and this ranks right up there in the strange firing department.

10) Paul Hornung made some comments over the summer about having to lessen academic standards to allow more minorities into school. He quickly got brushed under the rug, with some superior damage control, but now that the first African-American coach in the history of the school, in any sport, has been fired, Hornung is likely to re-emerge, and that will not help the school, or the school's efforts to recruit minority football players.

9) AD Kevin White originally hired George O'Leary, before his resume fiasco, and don't think for a minute that O'Leary's 0-11 at Central Florida is making this job any easier for White. He has serious pressure on him to make this work. His bosses have dealt him a very difficult hand to play well.

8) Willingham got Stanford to the Rose Bowl. He won when he had senior-dominated teams. Is he Bobby Bowden or Tom Osborne? No, but he seemed to be a guy you could hang your hat on with real chance of a big year every now and then, and he is squeaky clean and a classy person. Why not let him have five years?

7) Notre Dame brass wants it both ways; they want to be an independent, so they don't have to share any football money, but they belong to Big East in hoops, so they can weasel some of March Madness money. Being an independent is not as attractive to kids nowadays; what are you playing for each week? Who are your arch-rivals?

6) Notre Dame didn't fire Gerry Faust, who was a high school coach overmatched in the bigtime. Even Bob Davie got to coach all five years of his contract; hes a better TV analyst than he was head coach. .

5) How will the new Notre Dame coach, whomever he is, be welcomed into homes of African-American players, after the school fired an African-American coach with a winning record? This will be very ticklish situation for the new coach, who is almost certain to be white.

4) Willingham came from Stanford, which fired his replacement, Buddy Teevens, Monday. Willingham may have burned bridges in Palo Alto last year, though when he ran a fake punt against the Cardinal with a 50-7 lead late in game. He didn't make many friends when he did that. People remember that stuff.

3) College coaching is now officially more insane than ever. David Cutcliffe coached in the Cotton Bowl last year with freakin' Ole Miss, not exactly a football factory, and now is said to be on the hot seat. Big money had better equal quick results, or else.

2) Where does Willingham go from here? Washington, Illinois, Florida and UNLV are just four schools that need coaches. He is a solid coach and seems to run a very clean program, so some program just got very lucky to have the chance to hire him.

1) Urban Meyer of Utah has to be the most desired replacement, but in the last three weeks, the media has turned Meyer from guy with a brilliant coaching record (over short period of time) into a combination of Bill Walsh, Lombardi, Paterno and Woody Hayes.

If he goes to South Bend, he will be expected to be a miracle worker, and there are no miracle workers in the days of the 85-scholarship limit.

Tuesday's List of 13, the post-Lambeau edition
13) When the NFL schedule came out in April, and I saw Rams * Packers, 11/29, I said, thats a loss, but the way they lost this game typified everything that is wrong with Martz Madness. Two examples.....

12) Down 11 in third quarter, Jeff Wilkins, excellent kicker, lines up for 42-yarder to bring Rams within 8 points, but they run a fake that fools no one. I think the ghost of Vince Lombardi was there to make the tackle along with three Packers. Brilliant!!!!

11) Down 14 with a third-and-17 with 6:30 left, in Packer territory, they throw a five-yard incompletion then punt!! Why in the name of Bucky Dilts would you punt, down 14 with 6:21 left, when you only have one timeout left??? Pure and simple, they gave up.

10) I could go on and on, and at some point when this miserable season is over, I will; my "List of 13 reasons why Mike Martz should be fired" needs some serious editing to get down to 13. He boggles my mind.

9) That said, here in the middle of the night on Nov 30 if the playoffs started on December 1, the Rams would be in at 5-6. Stupefying, but true.

8) 25 years ago, the Rams lost at home to the Giants to fall to 5-6. Pat Haden was our QB, things were not very cheery. Haden breaks his finger in Seattle, the Rams win four of their last five, post two road wins, and become NFC champs, albeit unlikely ones. Could history repeat itself? Um, no.

7) Seattle, at 6-5 leads the NFC West, but they lose tiebreakers to the Rams; the possibility of a 7-9 or 8-8 team winning the NFC West has never been better.

6) No sub-.500 team should ever make the playoffs; if Rams win division at 7-9, they should be disqualified, and next best team from NFC should make it. If there isn't another NFC team eligible, then take an AFC team and slot them in the playoffs. Who would not be in favor of this system?

5) If Scott Boras, the super-scumweasel agent, was offered Commissioner of Baseball job, he would take not only a paycut, but a tremendous loss of power as the game is structured now, and that is sad.

4) To me, if an 18-year old kid is old enough to go to Iraq and risk his life, then hes old enough to drink.

3) Kickers in the Tampa Bay-Carolina game were a combined 0-5 on field goals Sunday, including a nasty hook in the last 2:00 by Gramatica, which would have given the Buccaneers a late lead. Strange thing.

2) A's made an awesome move acquiring All-Star C Jason Kendall for two underachieving big contracts in Redman and Rhodes. Billy Beane has to be thrilled to get rid of the hideous Rhodes, who at one point last year allowed the first man to face him to homer in 3 straight games. Not what we want out of our closer.

1) Speaking of hideous, weasel writer Mike Lupica, the stereotypical, loudmouth New Yorker, suggested on ESPN (how does this guy get on TV so much?) that George Steinbrenner is a Hall of Famer. Yeah, he gets in right after Marge Schott.

The guy has been thrown out of baseball TWICE; if Pete Rose can't get in, how could a convicted felon (illegal campaign contributions)? Lupica's pandering to the hideous Bronx boss was sikening, at best.

Monday's List of 13, post-holiday edition
13) Will be interesting to see if Coach Coughlin gets a roasting for his timing of putting Eli Manning into Giant lineup; he clearly was not ready to face Eagles (6-21 passing, horrible end zone INT when game was close)

San Diego looks like a playoff team, and they're biting bullet on Phillip Rivers. Chargers look like real winner of the 2003 draft, which brings me to.....

12)...the Cardinals, who hired Dennis Green, who was quick to declare Josh McCown his QB. People were perplexed, but he passed on Rivers and Big Ben so he could draft Larry Ftizgerald, his friend's son, and when he was 4-5, things were as cool as they get in desert

But then Green pulled the plug on McCown and put the god-awful Shaun King in as starter, and two pitiful losses (10-35, 3-13) have resulted. McCown got put back in yesterday, and showed the ability to at least move the club, but one wonders exactly what it was that motivated Green to pass on rookie QB's in the draft. Only he knows for sure.

P.S. Now Arizona is starting rookie John Navarre at QB, and Green is saying how much he likes him. Neil Lomax is available, Denny; hes still better than these suspects you're playing under center, even in his 40's.

11) I am being haunted by referee Gerry Austin; no matter what game I select this year, Austin works it. It is like hes the football version of Dick Bavetta, who is a referee at each and every important NBA game. .

Austin has even worked a game I had as a sub, when ****** Grier was injured. This man calls more bogus roughing the passer calls than any official in the NFL; he even called two for my side this week, but alas, I am winless with old Gerald in '04, and I never want to see him again.

10) If the NFL wants to increase scoring, why don't they give each team six footballs before the game, and let the teams rub them up so the QB's can grip them easier? Wouldn't this make for better football?

9) If Mike Shanahan were to miss the playoffs in '04 and right now, he would miss them, does he still get a free pass from his owner, who has spent a lot of cash post-Elway, and gotten zero playoff wins for his $$$?

8) Back to the Cardinals for a second; they may be an awful football team, but their cheerleaders are very impressive; CBS cameramen had to show them 20 times Sunday. By far, the best in the league, of what I can tell from DirecTV.

7) The AFC is so much better than the NFC, its like the East/West thing in the NBA.

6) Does the league even care when they schedule late November games in Denver and Green Bay that there are 75,000 people there paying $60-100 a pop to sit in a snowstorm, or worse weather?

5) It is fair to say that Pete Carroll has the number of Notre Dame coach Tyrone Willingham, having beaten him by 31 points three years in a row.

4) Liberty Bowl: Boise State-Louisville, with a total of 70+, in game where last three Liberty Bowls had final score that totalled 38 or lower.

3) I still think that Rick Neuheisel and UNLV would be very good together.

2) Looks like UTEP will be facing Iowa State, and not Alabama, as we had hoped, in a bowl game. All the bowl pairings will be posted on our site a week from today, Monday, December 6.

1) The college football bowl system is so entrenched that we will never get a playoff system, so it is sad to say that the Auburn kids, unless Colorado can pull an improbable upset, or UCLA stuns USC, will be left out this year. The powers-that-be seem to like debate that all this causes, and plus, there would be some major money shifting around, if everything changed, and no one likes to give up their money.

Sunday's List of 13, the unusual news edition..
Today's list is thirteen unusual stories from the real world, thanks to wire service stories across this great land of ours. Truth is stranger than fiction, as you will see, and not all the odd doings are happening in Ron Artest's world........

13) A man in Worcester, MA was charged with stabbing two relatives after they allegedly criticized his table manners during Thanksgiving dinner. There is no truth to the rumor that the man advised his assailants to bet the Lions and over 53.5.

12) The "Jingle Bell Jump", with Santa parachuting to the Anaheim (CA) Town Square shopping center with gifts and greetings, was cancelled for a second year because a federal law restricts use of area airspace. This is also a possible explanation for Drew Henson getting pulled at halftime of the Cowboy game Thursday; improper use of air resources.

11) Chicago city officials are hoping that people are willing to pay plenty of money to own vintage Playboy Bunny costume, toss green dye into Chicago River, or throw a dinner party prepared by Oprah Winfrey's chef. The Chicago-related items and experiences will be up for sale December 2-16 on eBay, as part of an effort to raise money for arts and cultural programs, as the city faces a $220 million budget gap.

Efforts to buy the cork from Sammy Sosa's bats have been unsuccessful.

10) A couple in Mount Sereno, CA for years had put up a Christmas light exhibit outside their home, which is located in a cul-de-sac; it got so big that cars would come from all over to see it, and eventually became so big, Pacific Gas and Electric gave them a separate feed to give enough juice to the project.

This year, however, one of their neighbors complained to town officials how big the exhibit had gotten, so instead, they put up a 10-foot tall Grinch, with green fuzz, rotting teeth, and sickly, beet-red eyeballs. The Grinch's finger points directly at the neighbor's house. You can't make this stuff up, people......

9) Police in Little Falls, MN are looking for a blow-up figure of SpongeBob SquarePants, after it was stolen from a local Burger King. They've found a ransom note that reads, "We have SpongeBob." and demands "......give us ten Crabby Patties, fries and milkshakes."

8) After travelling the world for several months, Ricky Williams has enrolled in a northern California school which is devoted to the study of ayurveda, an ancient Indian healing discipline. He says he has never been happier and asks, rhetorically, "Why would I want to play again?"Ummm, maybe the $8.6 million you owe the Dolphins????

7) Michigan coach Lloyd Carr is upset that Ohio State subjected the Wolverines' players and coaches to searches by drug and bomb-sniffing dogs upon their arrival at Ohio Stadium on Saturday.

Anyone that follows Michigan football can understand why the ultra-conservative Carr would be upset with seeing bomb-sniffing dogs; everyone knows his teams prefer to run the ball.

6) A 13-year old boy in Virginia Beach was charged with abducting an exotic dancer when she showed up for an appointment at what turned out to be a vacant house with no electricity. The woman tried to leave, but the boy pointed a shotgun at her head and ordered her to begin dancing. The woman escaped when she bit the boy's hand and ran away, declining to wait for her tip.

5) Listeners to radio station WXZZ in Lexington, KY were upset earlier this month, after hearing that the county council had passed a measure banning smoking in people's own cars.

Angry listeners swamped 911 lines and switchboards at City Hall, but there was just one problem; it was all a hoax perpretrated by disk jockeys, who have now been suspended for an indefinite period. The DJ's apologized, but it has yet to be announced if and when they will get their jobs back.

4) Admitting they had seriously undercounted the number of jail inmates released early, the Los Angeles County sheriff's office said that over the last 2.5 years, 119,577 convicted offenders had been let go before serving their full sentences.

We suggest that if these scoundrels are identified and taken back into custody, that they be made to make good on their time to be served by having to help OJ Simpson search for Nicole's killer.

3) Two men who robbed the pastor of a Kansas City church at gunpoint left behind two clues for cops to check out; their names. The Rev. Tony Caldwell was short of cash, so he offered to write each man a check for $150. The men agreed, making certain the pastor knew the correct spelling of their names.

When quizzed about their stupidity, one of the men replied that as stupid as he is, even he knows the Chiefs need faster players on defense next season.

2) A Milford, Ct man staged a burglary to steal and hock the engagement ring he gave to the woman he planned to marry. Police say 43-year old George Rich ransacked the home he shares with his fiancee in order to make it look like the house had been burglarized. Police became suspicious when they saw Rich's name in a weekly update on pawnshop activity. Pawn shop owners are expecting to buy a wedding dress fairly soon.

1) Deputies in St Helena Parish, LA recently found two bags of money, containing $67,380, that had been woven into a beaver's dam. The money had been stolen from the Lucky Dollar Video Poker Casino in nearby Greensburg. Thieves stashed the money, but before they could reclaim it, eager beavers used the money to help build their dam.

**CoverBoy** · 12-17-2004, 01:37 PM

Spark

Great stuff Spark ... excellent reading material.

Thanks, Pal

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