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Speech for the new President

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  • Speech for the new President

    Subject: THIS WOULD BE GREAT
    >

    > > WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR

    > > GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

    > >

    > > My Fellow Americans:

    > >

    > > As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been

    > > completed. Since congress does not want to spend

    > > any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

    > >

    > > This morning I gave the order for a complete removal

    > > of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be

    > > complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the

    > > reckoning.

    > >

    > > Before me, I have two lists One list contains the names of

    > > countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq

    > > conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain,

    > > Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries

    > > listed there.

    > >

    > > The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most

    > > of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary

    > > will be distributing copies of both lists later this

    > > evening.

    > >

    > > Let me start by saying that effective immediately,

    > > foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately

    > > and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year

    > > alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

    > >

    > > The American people are no longer going to pour money into

    > > third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders

    > > grow fat on corruption.

    > >

    > > Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?

    > > Call France.

    > >

    > > In the future, together with Congress, I will work to

    > > redirect this money toward solving the vexing social

    > > problems we still have at home.

    > >

    > > On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.

    > > Screw with us and we will hunt you down and

    > > eliminate you and all your friends from the face

    > > of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to

    > > terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

    > >

    > > To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.

    > > Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David

    > > is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for

    > > negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big

    > > tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of

    > > diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia.

    > > Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from

    > > NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

    > >

    > > I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing

    > > the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with

    > > more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those

    > > vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't

    > > care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps

    > > have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets

    > > tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos

    > > be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the

    > > world.

    > >

    > > I love New York.

    > >

    > > A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List # 2.

    > > Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other,

    > > you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

    > > Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire

    > > corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I

    > > will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions

    > > sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em?

    > >

    > > Yep, border security.

    > >

    > > So start doing something with your oil.

    > >

    > > Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the

    > > NAFTA treaty --- starting now.

    > > We are tired of the one-way highway.

    > > It is time for America to focus on its own welfare

    > > and its own citizens.

    > >

    > > Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them

    > > by saying, "darn tootin."

    > >

    > > Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a

    > > decent life around the world has only earned us the

    > > undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.

    > > It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to

    > > eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to

    > > eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

    > >

    > > To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks

    > > guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on

    > > List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

    > >

    > > God bless America.

    > >

    > > Thank you and good night.

    > >

    > > If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are

    > > reading it in English, thank a soldier.

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