Tweet
A message from the rural Midwest:
> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
Easterners
>and
> Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana,
Wisconsin,
>Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota,
and
>South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand
the
>Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
>state:
>
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work
before
>breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road' No matter how slow you drive,
you're
>going to get dust on your car.
>
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years
old.
>Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will
get
>you whipped.. by our women.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us
if a
>flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
>little trout you fish for...bait.
>
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
>their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have
it
>up to your ear at the time.
>
> 8 That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth
for
>what you paid in the airport for one drink.
>
> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
>Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
>pounds of ham and turkey.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and
served
>over ice.
>
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on
weekends.
>We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine
that
>we use two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We
stop
>when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.
>So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really
want
>sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
> 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
Don't
>like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, &
69 go
>the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
>religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
>friendly. Understand the concept?
>
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water
hazard.
>It spooks our fish.
>
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for
driving
>like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
>
> Enjoy your visit.
And some more for your humor stash:
> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
Easterners
>and
> Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana,
Wisconsin,
>Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota,
and
>South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand
the
>Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
>state:
>
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work
before
>breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road' No matter how slow you drive,
you're
>going to get dust on your car.
>
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years
old.
>Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will
get
>you whipped.. by our women.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us
if a
>flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
>little trout you fish for...bait.
>
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
>their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have
it
>up to your ear at the time.
>
> 8 That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth
for
>what you paid in the airport for one drink.
>
> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
>Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
>pounds of ham and turkey.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and
served
>over ice.
>
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on
weekends.
>We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine
that
>we use two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We
stop
>when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.
>So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really
want
>sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
> 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
Don't
>like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, &
69 go
>the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
>religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
>friendly. Understand the concept?
>
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water
hazard.
>It spooks our fish.
>
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for
driving
>like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
>
> Enjoy your visit.
And some more for your humor stash: