Joke!

[wayne1218]

Banging & Bicycles!

One day Little Johny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johny's father said, "Johny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle??? Wait until Christmas!" Christmas came around, and Little Johny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry
kiddo. Ask me again some other time." Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving. Little Johny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were 'pulling out,' and Mommy said that 'you should
wait because she was coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna be stuck with your $80,000 mortgage!"

[wayne1218]

Going to hell (Not an unreasonable choice!)


An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

"Oh my God,"says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to Hell."

"You can't go there,"says St. Peter. "you'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that".

[wayne1218]

I love you in 9 different languages

English . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . I Love You

Spanish. .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . Te Amo

French . . . . . . . . . .. . . . Je T'aime

German . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich

Japanese . . . . . . . . . .. . . . Ai Shite Imasu

Italian . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo

Chinese.. . . . . . . . . .. . . . Wo Ai Nin

Norwegian . . . . . . . . . .. Jeg Elsker Deg

Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Maine, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia and Kentucky

. . . . .. . . . . . Nice ass. Get in the truck.

[knockonwood]

Thanks Wayne, We needed that after the PickJockey thing!!! Still find that Hard to Believe!!! Where I come from You take a Man or Woman for their word!!! Guess you can't on a computer!!! How bout them BLUE DEVILS!!! Keep it Honest!!! Knock!

[wayne1218]

knock your Devils look good. My Tar Heels Do Not.

GL Tonight!

[wayne1218]

At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician's wife noticed another guest, a big, oversexed blonde, was flirting with her husband. But, since it was a large, informal gathering she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.
At that point she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"

[djlivejive]

yee

ha funny

[wayne1218]

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.

[East Coast]

wayne did you ever get the fantasy league going?

[wayne1218]

NOPE!

[East Coast]

too bad. i think this will be a great mlb season!!!

[wayne1218]

It's alright. I was already in 2 others anyway.

[wayne1218]

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."

The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me shit."

[wayne1218]

The other morning I took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What
the hell?" I said to myself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when I
shook them out.


"I hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my
underwear?"


My wife shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

[wayne1218]

The Blanket

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned
to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Although
initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired
and fall asleep quickly he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 2:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am,

I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies "Just for tonight, let's pretend
that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking blanket."