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June 6, 2011
Women Who Received Pictures of Weiner’s Penis March on Washington
Traffic Snarled for Miles
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Just minutes after Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) held a press conference to admit his culpability in the scandal involving pictures of his penis sent via Twitter, thousands of women claiming to have received such photos took to the streets of the nation’s capital to demand reparations.
Traffic snarled for miles around the Capitol building as the streets filled with the penis-photo recipients, whom police sources said ranged in age from 21 to 22.
While there was no official count of the marchers, Fox News estimated the size of the crowd at twenty million while MSNBC said the number was closer to fourteen.
But with the number of women traumatized by Rep. Weiner’s penis growing by the hour, Beltway insiders worried that if the women’s demands for reparations prove successful the Federal debt ceiling might have to be raised by another ten trillion.
“Just when we’re trying to fix the budget, one big dick comes along and wrecks everything,” one congressional aide said.
Mandy Pantella, 21, a cheerleader at the University of Northern South Florida, said she joined the protest after receiving as many as twenty unwanted photos of Rep. Weiner’s penis per day: “I got more spam from his penis than I do from Apple.”
As for Mr. Weiner’s performance at today’s press conference, Ms. Pantella was noncommittal: “It’s tough to know what he was really thinking because he was standing behind a podium.”
Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox for free here.
Women Who Received Pictures of Weiner’s Penis March on Washington
Traffic Snarled for Miles
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Just minutes after Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) held a press conference to admit his culpability in the scandal involving pictures of his penis sent via Twitter, thousands of women claiming to have received such photos took to the streets of the nation’s capital to demand reparations.
Traffic snarled for miles around the Capitol building as the streets filled with the penis-photo recipients, whom police sources said ranged in age from 21 to 22.
While there was no official count of the marchers, Fox News estimated the size of the crowd at twenty million while MSNBC said the number was closer to fourteen.
But with the number of women traumatized by Rep. Weiner’s penis growing by the hour, Beltway insiders worried that if the women’s demands for reparations prove successful the Federal debt ceiling might have to be raised by another ten trillion.
“Just when we’re trying to fix the budget, one big dick comes along and wrecks everything,” one congressional aide said.
Mandy Pantella, 21, a cheerleader at the University of Northern South Florida, said she joined the protest after receiving as many as twenty unwanted photos of Rep. Weiner’s penis per day: “I got more spam from his penis than I do from Apple.”
As for Mr. Weiner’s performance at today’s press conference, Ms. Pantella was noncommittal: “It’s tough to know what he was really thinking because he was standing behind a podium.”
Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox for free here.
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