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HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)
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> I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
>
> Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a
> rest.
>
> Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's
> all right now.
>
> The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
>
> The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
> work.
>
> To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
>
> When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
>
> The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
> large.
>
> A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
>
> A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
> criminal.
>
> Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
>
> We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
>
> When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
>
> The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
>
> The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky
> ground.
>
> The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
>
> If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
>
> A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
>
> A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
>
> A will is a dead giveaway.
>
> Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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> A backward poet writes inverse.
>
> In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
> Count that votes.
>
> A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
>
> If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
>
> With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
>
> Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
>
> When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
> The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
>
> You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
>
> He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> A calendar's days are numbered.
>
> A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
>
> A boiled egg is hard to beat.
>
> He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>
> A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
> Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
>
> When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a ****.
>
> If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
>
> When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
>
> Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)
>
>
> I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
>
> Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a
> rest.
>
> Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's
> all right now.
>
> The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
>
> The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
> work.
>
> To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
>
> When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
>
> The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
> large.
>
> A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
>
> A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
> criminal.
>
> Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
>
> We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
>
> When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
>
> The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
>
> The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky
> ground.
>
> The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
>
> If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
>
> A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
>
> A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
>
> A will is a dead giveaway.
>
> Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
>
> A backward poet writes inverse.
>
> In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
> Count that votes.
>
> A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
>
> If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
>
> With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
>
> Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
>
> When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
> The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
>
> You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
>
> He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> A calendar's days are numbered.
>
> A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
>
> A boiled egg is hard to beat.
>
> He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>
> A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
> Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
>
> When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a ****.
>
> If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
>
> When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
>
> Acupuncture: a jab well done.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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