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As we all prepare for the upcoming Halloween season, please take a
few minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe.
1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
see if it's really dead.
3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go
out!
5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you
a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take
several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to
kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it
alone.
7. Don't make out. Especially if you've noticed a few of your
friends are missing!
8. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to
Hell.
9. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
10. If you're searching for something which caused a load noise and
find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with
relief, GET THE HELL OUT!
11. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for
short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
12. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
13. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
14. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
15. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note
that,despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
17. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine.
18. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely
be eaten.
19. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example:
chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives,
combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or
any devices made from deceased companions.
20. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move. This also applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices
in your house.
Enjoy the holiday.
few minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe.
1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
see if it's really dead.
3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go
out!
5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you
a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take
several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to
kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it
alone.
7. Don't make out. Especially if you've noticed a few of your
friends are missing!
8. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to
Hell.
9. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
10. If you're searching for something which caused a load noise and
find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with
relief, GET THE HELL OUT!
11. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for
short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
12. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
13. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
14. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
15. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note
that,despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
17. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine.
18. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely
be eaten.
19. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example:
chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives,
combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or
any devices made from deceased companions.
20. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move. This also applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices
in your house.
Enjoy the holiday.
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