Tweet
Dear Santa
>
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
>
> Yeer.
>
> yer Frend,
>
> BiLLy
>
>
>
> Dear Billy,
>
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
>
> I send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
>
> giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
>
> Santa
>
> --------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
>
> peace and joy in the world for everybody.
>
> Love, Sarah
>
>
>
> Dear Sarah,
>
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??
>
> Santa
>
> ------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
>
> mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do??
>
> Love Teddy
>
>
>
> Dear Teddy,
>
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
>
> hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
>
> frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
>
> dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
>
> Santa
>
> --------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
>
> drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
>
> Love,
>
> Francis
>
>
>
> Dear Francis,
>
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set
>
> you up with a Barbie.
>
> Santa
>
> ------------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
>
> for your reindeer outside the back door.
>
> Love,
>
> Susan
>
>
>
> Dear Susan,
>
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>
> riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
>
> scotch.
>
> Santa
>
> ---------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
>
> toys??
>
> Your friend,
>
> Thomas
>
>
>
> Dear Thomas,
>
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
>
> spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
>
> drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
>
> while losing money at the crap table. Hey, you wanted to know.
>
> Santa
>
> ----------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
>
> awake, like in the song?
>
> Love,
>
> Jessica
>
>
>
> Dear Jessica,
>
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
>
> skipping your house.
>
> Santa
>
> ---------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
>
> PLEASE could I have one?
>
> Timmy
>
>
>
> Timmy,
>
> That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
>
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
>
> Santa
>
> ------------------------
>
>
>
> Dearest Santa,
>
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
>
> Love, Marky
>
>
>
> Mark,
>
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
>
> ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
>
> low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
>
> the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
>
> Sweet Dreams,
>
> Santa
>
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
>
> Yeer.
>
> yer Frend,
>
> BiLLy
>
>
>
> Dear Billy,
>
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
>
> I send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
>
> giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
>
> Santa
>
> --------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
>
> peace and joy in the world for everybody.
>
> Love, Sarah
>
>
>
> Dear Sarah,
>
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??
>
> Santa
>
> ------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
>
> mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do??
>
> Love Teddy
>
>
>
> Dear Teddy,
>
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
>
> hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
>
> frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
>
> dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
>
> Santa
>
> --------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
>
> drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
>
> Love,
>
> Francis
>
>
>
> Dear Francis,
>
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set
>
> you up with a Barbie.
>
> Santa
>
> ------------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
>
> for your reindeer outside the back door.
>
> Love,
>
> Susan
>
>
>
> Dear Susan,
>
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>
> riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
>
> scotch.
>
> Santa
>
> ---------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
>
> toys??
>
> Your friend,
>
> Thomas
>
>
>
> Dear Thomas,
>
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
>
> spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
>
> drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
>
> while losing money at the crap table. Hey, you wanted to know.
>
> Santa
>
> ----------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
>
> awake, like in the song?
>
> Love,
>
> Jessica
>
>
>
> Dear Jessica,
>
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
>
> skipping your house.
>
> Santa
>
> ---------------------------
>
>
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
>
> PLEASE could I have one?
>
> Timmy
>
>
>
> Timmy,
>
> That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
>
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
>
> Santa
>
> ------------------------
>
>
>
> Dearest Santa,
>
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
>
> Love, Marky
>
>
>
> Mark,
>
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
>
> ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
>
> low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
>
> the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
>
> Sweet Dreams,
>
> Santa
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