Marriage Issue-Advice Needed

[savage1]

Ok-here it is:
Most of you know about the Romance Tour, and how I met my wife from Colombia.
We have in general a great relationship except for this:
I am 62 and soon to be 63, while she is 37, meaning a 25 year age difference.
I have one 12 year old daughter who lives with her mom(my ex-wife), and I see and talk to her regularly.
While in Cartagena(Colombia) before getting married I agreed to have one child with her, and she said ok but indicated that she would really rather have 2. We more or less kidded about it and nothging else.
Lately, she has pressed the issue some more, and said she would actually be thrilled if she had twins(assuming she gets pregnant).
I kidded her saying that would be the only way I could accept having more than 1 more child at this stage of my life.
I cushioned this a little by saying to her that in any event it would be better to see how we did with one before even considering two(the old 1 day at a time routine).
I also said that if I ever agreed to have more than one child, they would have to be at least 3-5 years apart;I don't want warring siblings only a year or so apart at my age.
Also, I want to travel(see my Safari thread);you can't do that with a couple of kids with attendance in school being one of the reasons you cannot.
My brother, who is one year older than I, said that she would have to compromise and settle for the one child.
I can't use money as an excuse, as I have plenty of it(my mother recently died and left my brother and I a ton, and I was far from poor before that).
I am not saying this issue is threatening the marriage but it sure doesn't help things.
What do I do? All responses are welcome.
ps If I had my way, I wouldn't have any more kids, but it was a "package deal."
Also, it doesn't bother my wife as it would me that at age 70 or even now to some extent as I would be if I were younger;I want to be fair to the kids also.

[joshuab1]

dude, i say you r the man! 63 years old and married a 37.PIMP

[jcindaville]

You agreed to 1 kid, get busy with that agreement. Your not getting any younger and for that matter neither is she.

I think that is MORE than reasonable at your age and hers. She is no spring chicken for children Savage, while she can easily have 1, 2 is not exactly easy.

Get the first one in and then go from there, who know's she may be over whelmed with mother hood and decide that one is enough and your problems are solved.

Either way, good luck

[10DimeBry]

i got a bunch of kids you can have, just pick 1



-marty

[BettorsChat]

If you want to 2 kids do like Julia Roberts did and do in vetro to make sure its twins. I would actually rather have the kids closer to age so they would be close. I have a sister 6 years older than me and we are not that close.

As JC suggested (can't believe i'm saying that) have the one and see how she takes dealing with that one. Or do the twins above. I remember you talking about it in the past and I thought you 2 had agreed on one child?

[Spearit]

Savage- I believe clarity was needed at the beginning of this arrangement. It wasn't and the issue presents itself now and you are needing to make a decision on children versus freedom to travel and have a sweet companion.
OK- Now if you have the child- you are now committed family wise- and your freedom has been altered- you could hire a nanny or provide alternate care while you travel. But I don't see this as what you really desire.
What I see is this- I really wanted this marriage. I kind of back in to the idea of having a child because I really was smitten at the time and didn't want to lose her- but am having ambiguous thoughts on what it really means to raise a child at my age.
I personally would sit down and write out pros and cons and list options of what action needs to be taken for a quality life that you have left.

Savage- I believe I am zeroing in on the idea that this is not what you were really looking for in this marriage- that your happiness with her has jumped to a high maintenance issue concerning loss of freedom and moments together, etc.. The child(ren) represents less attention from her to you and you may get to the point of- how did I get to be a caretaker at this age? You may need to have this as one of your options!
Good Luck My Friend - Hope this Helps!

[savage1]

Great responses so far:
Jcindaville-Hope you are correct about your assessment that one may be enough for her.However, she lived in an extended family before coming here, and for all intensive purposes took a good deal of responsibility for raising 2 nephews and a nieces who lived with her and her parents' house. She is a very strong (emotionally speaking) person and once she has set out on something, there is very little that can stop her in her goals.

BC-I hear you about the advantage of twins, but to me it is still taking two care of two kids at the same time, and I don't want that right now.
Also, for reasons stated, and in all due respect, I think it would be easier to have the kids spaced apart if we were to have two.

10 Dime-How about take one kid at the regular "price" and get the other one "free". lol

Spearit-You make some great points, but I do think I am prepared for one kid at this point but no more.
Also, I am not worried about the attention issue, as I am extremely independent, and didn't marry for the first time until I was 48.
Being raised in the type culture she was, I don't think in any event that having a child would detract from the amount of love she would give me.

[Spearit]

Savage- I am 55 and helping to raise a 17 month old- He is something else and I would love to post a pic of him soon. Playing the devils advocate on the above post- allows all options and a clarification by you that you are committed to the relationship and to the wishes of having this child.

[Lsufan]

I'm with JC on this one. You agreed to have one before you guys were married .... Get started now.

PS ... Since you are "loaded," send me some $$$.

[savage1]

Savage- I am 55 and helping to raise a 17 month old- He is something else and I would love to post a pic of him soon. Playing the devils advocate on the above post- allows all options and a clarification by you that you are committed to the relationship and to the wishes of having this child.

Spearit-I hope you understand me;one child would be ok, probably great at this point.
I know my strengths and weaknesses thouhj and do not believe I am emotionally equipped to handle more than that at this juncture in my life.
ps please post the photos;I am sure we would all love to see them.

[savage1]

I'm with JC on this one. You agreed to have one before you guys were married .... Get started now.

PS ... Since you are "loaded," send me some $$$.

We are trying to have one.
If I was a devious SOB like some of the sports services I rag on, I could have a vasectomy and simply not tell her about it after one kid. lol

[Meg30]

i think you both need to sit down and have a serious talk...even if you give her the one now you promised...that one might make her want a second one even more...and we aren't exactly the best with compromising

[savage1]

i think you both need to sit down and have a serious talk...even if you give her the one now you promised...that one might make her want a second one even more...and we aren't exactly the best with compromising

For that matter, if we do well with one, maybe I will change my mind about another one.
Right now though the thought of 2 children scares me a little, as I am not sure I can handle it, but anything is possible.
As stated though, from my point of view right now(and I know this is different from BC's) I would want them a few years apart-one baby at a time.
ps if after one kid she wants another one, but say at that point I don't feel the same way, then obviously there would be a problem;perhaps we will have to compromise at 1 1/2.

[Meg30]

For that matter, if we do well with one, maybe I will change my mind about another one.
Right now though the thought of 2 children scares me a little, as I am not sure I can handle it, but anything is possible.
As stated though, from my point of view right now(and I know this is different from BC's) I would want them a few years apart-one baby at a time.
ps if after one kid she wants another one, but say at that point I don't feel the same way, then obviously there would be a problem;perhaps we will have to compromise at 1 1/2.

LOL...good luck with whatever the decision is

[jcindaville]

If you want to 2 kids do like Julia Roberts did and do in vetro to make sure its twins. I would actually rather have the kids closer to age so they would be close. I have a sister 6 years older than me and we are not that close.

As JC suggested (can't believe i'm saying that) have the one and see how she takes dealing with that one. Or do the twins above. I remember you talking about it in the past and I thought you 2 had agreed on one child?

See, you do agree with me every now and then