Jokes

[kbsooner21]

Three Cowboys Are Sitting Around The Campfire Out On The Lonesome Prairie;
Each With The Bravado For Which He Is Famous. A Night Of Tall Tales.
The Guy From Montana Says, "i Must Be The Strongest, Meanest, Toughest
Cowboy There Is. Why, Just The Other Day, A Bull Got Loose In The Corral.
It Had Gored Six Men Before I Wrestled It To The Ground By The Horns With
My
Bare Hands And Castrated That Sucker With My Teeth."
The Guy From Colorado Couldn't Stand To Be Bested. That's Nothing, "i
Was
Walking Down The Trail Yesterday And A Fifteen Foot Diamondback Rattler
Slid
Out From Under A Rock And Made A Move For Me. I Grabbed That Bastard With
My Bare Hands, Bit It's Head Off And Sucked The Poison Down In One Gulp
And
I'm Still Here Today."
The Cowboy From Texas Remained Silent, Slowly Stirring The Campfire Coals With His Pecker

[kbsooner21]

The Las Vegas Hooker







A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the Hooker the big question.



The Guy Says:



"How much do you charge?"



The Hooker Says:



"It starts at $500 for a hand-job."



The Guy Says:



"$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap. No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"



The Hooker Asks:



"Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"



"Yes."



"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"



"Yes."



"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"



"Yes."



"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth every penny of $500."



The Guy Says:



"What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."



They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that He just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every penny of $500.00. He is so very amazed.



The Guy Says:



"I suppose a blow-job is $1,000.00?"



The Hooker Says:



"$1,500.00"



The Guy Says:



"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"



The Hooker Says:



"Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the Street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every penny of $1,500."



The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific Hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and gives in.



The Guy Says:



"Sign me up."



Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed even more amazed than he was before. He can scarcely believe it but he really feels that he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.



The Guy Asks The Hooker:



"So how much does it cost for some pussy?"



The Hooker Says:



"Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?"



"Damn!" The guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"



"No," replies the hooker, "but I would if I had a pussy.

[longnex]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon
their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the FATHER. He asked if
they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even
10% was probably more pain that the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to
go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband
will still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands' blood pressure
and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel
quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife
considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain
to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her
Husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the milkman was dead on the porch.

[kbsooner21]

There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended
up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl.

They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for
men and women to do.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really
bad about what she had been doing.

She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed
herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and
after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they where doing.



So................

.
.
.
.


They buried her.

[longnex]

virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his
>favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young
>blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invites her back to
>his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom
>where he rattles her senseless.
>
>After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
>
>She paused for a se cond, frowned, and replied, "No."
>
>Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she
>thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
>ends and, again, Guido smil es and asks, "You finish?"
>
>Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him
>and softly says, "No."
>
>Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido
>reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely
>manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping
>the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
>
>Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and
>asked again, "You finish?"
>
>Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I
>Norwegian.".

[paco]

Why do midgits lafgh when they play soccer?.............
............?
Becouse the grass tickles the ass!!!!!

[BUD GREGG]

Rich Man And Poor Man Were Discussing The Birthday Gifts They Had Given Their Wives...............poor Man Ask Rich Man What Did You Give Your Wife?????? I Gave Her A Diamond Necklace And Mercedes................why Two Things Ask The Poor Man........well In Case She Doesn't Like The Necklace She Can Take It Back In The Mercedes.................what Did You Get Your Wife The Rich Man Ask..................i Gave Her A Pair Of Flip-flops And A Dildo...................why Ask The Rich Man.................well In Case She Doesn't Like The Flip Flops, She Can Go Fuck Herself........................

[awal224]

What is the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?.......................Acne usually comes on a boys face AFTER he turns 13........