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Here is a fairly extensive compilation of some of the
extraordinary sexual activities that can be performed by men:
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed
to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep
and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so
that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this
right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the
neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty
wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However,
you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must
gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you
oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.
It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull
back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you
start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The
force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before
you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to
do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,
tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you
attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it
can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is
forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use
of the tongue.
19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going
doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough.
When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having
her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure
as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all
over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that
when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while
laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her
ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed
winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and
discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you
stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry
smothers your face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who
has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then
proceed to titty fuck her.
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal
probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either
on one finger or on multiple).
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from
behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to
anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside
so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners
face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while
getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try.
32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's
on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in
the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.
extraordinary sexual activities that can be performed by men:
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed
to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep
and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so
that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this
right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the
neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty
wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However,
you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must
gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you
oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.
It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull
back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you
start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The
force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before
you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to
do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,
tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you
attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it
can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is
forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use
of the tongue.
19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going
doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough.
When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having
her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure
as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all
over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that
when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while
laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her
ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed
winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and
discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you
stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry
smothers your face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who
has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then
proceed to titty fuck her.
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal
probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either
on one finger or on multiple).
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from
behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to
anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside
so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners
face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while
getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try.
32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's
on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in
the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.
MY MEAT IN THE HOT DESERT.......
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