skunk joke

[spreadman]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover,

but the skunk she beat him with died at the scene

[spreadman]

An elderly man in Florida owned a large farm with a pond on the south 40. He had fixed it up nice- picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and fruit trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked," Holding the bucket up he
said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."


Moral: Old men can still think fast.

[spreadman]

The perfect Wal-Mart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with
her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through
the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart .....
Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they
ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell
would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"


"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

[spreadman]

See you guys when football starts .. Hope everyone is well..

[spreadman]

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue
needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best
friends, Darryl & Gomer.

The three men had always fished and done everything together. Darryl arrived first
and when the mortician pulled back the sheet. Darryl said, "Yup, his
face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The
mortician thought this was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer looked at the body
and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician
rolled him over and Gomer Said "no, it ain't Bubba." The mortician
asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician. "Yup, I've never seen
'em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Because every time we launched the boat, or went
to town folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

[Lsufan]

See you guys when football starts .. Hope everyone is well..

Those were great Spread!!!

Hope all is well with you too.

[spreadman]

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the dressing room door.

While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend.

One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"HELL NO," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties,
throws her legs behind her head and says,

"LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies,

"Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

[jcindaville]

Those are great Spread, thanks

[Kaptain]

thanks Spread----good ones----kapt

[kbsooner21]

[Spearit]

Spread- Keep em coming- those are good!!

[knowlez]

good shit