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Chip Brown is a columnist for the Dallas Paper. Always a funny guy and here is his takes from the paper yesterday! CLASSIC!
~~~ Tigger
No one's jumping for Joey
07:36 PM CST on Saturday, December 3, 2005
Now we know why Barry Sanders – arguably the greatest running back of all time – looked like Phyllis Diller by the time his days in Detroit were done.
(How many franchises have driven their best player of all time to give back cash, hand over fist, so he can flee the organization like his thigh pads were on fire?)
Steve Mariucci was canned by Matt "MENSA" Millen, who – little known fact – has been the inspiration for every character created by the Farrelly brothers.
Dre Bly blamed Joey "The Piano Man" Harrington, which is like blaming the deck chairs for the drowning of the Titanic. Bly, like every pro athlete, is trying to talk himself onto a new team.
Let's face it, Mariucci should be ecstatic he escaped Detroit with some of his sanity intact. With every day spent at Ford Field, he was looking more and more like a **** Santa at closing time.
Only Paula Abdul and that high school coach caught on tape trying to illegally move the first-down marker would bet on the following picks against the line:
Dallas (+3) at NY Giants: Michael Irvin said a drug pipe and baggie with marijuana residue found in his car belonged to someone else. (Irvin initially tried to blame all his troubles on Joey Harrington.) Pick: Giants
Houston (+8 ½ ) at Baltimore: Charley Casserly and Dom Capers, who are in the running for The Lock's "Lenny and Squiggy Award," said things could be a lot worse than their 1-10 record: They said they could have drafted Joey Harrington in 2002 instead of David Carr. Pick: Texans
Arizona at San Francisco (+3): Ken Dorsey, Cody Pickett, it doesn't seem to make a difference who's throwing passes for the 49ers (just as long as it's not Joey Harrington.) Pick: Cardinals
Atlanta (+3) at Carolina: Falcons fans say the reason for Atlanta's recent struggles is that Michael Vick is trying to be too much of a pocket passer, too much like Joey Harrington. Pick: Panthers
Green Bay (+7) at Chicago: After looking at recent film of Brett Favre, Packers coaches fear there's something technically wrong with his delivery. They fear it too closely resembles that of Joey Harrington. Pick: Packers
Tennessee (+16) at Indianapolis: Steve McNair and Peyton Manning were co-MVPs of the NFL in 2003. After receiving the award, both quarterbacks looked at each other and said, "Thank God we're not Joey Harrington." Pick: Titans
Buffalo (+4 ½ ) at Miami: When the Bills drafted J.P. Losman, they distinctly wanted a scrambler, someone who could do things that couldn't be done by Joey Harrington. Pick: Dolphins
NY Jets (+10) at New England: After Tom Brady threw four interceptions in a loss last week, Bill Belichick told his staff in anger, "For crying out loud, Brady looked like Joey Harrington out there." Pick: Patriots
Cincinnati (+3) at Pittsburgh: The Bengals didn't play Carson Palmer at quarterback right away, instead letting Palmer watch from the sidelines as a rookie. They high-five each other for their decision after looking at Joey Harrington. Pick: Steelers
Oakland (+11 ½ ) at San Diego: The Chargers front office is ecstatic that Drew Brees, who got worse in each of his first three years, bounced back with a Pro Bowl year in his fourth season – unlike Joey Harrington. Pick: Chargers
Denver at Kansas City (+1): Jake Plummer used to be clean-shaven and inconsistent. After realizing that Joey Harrington was also clean-shaven, Plummer opted for a thicket of facial hair. Pick: Broncos
Jacksonville at Cleveland (+3): The Jaguars will have to go with David Garrard at QB the rest of the regular season in place of injured Byron Leftwich. Jaguars executives were heard saying, "At least we don't have to play Joey Harrington." Pick: Jags
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (+3 ½ ) at Baton Rouge, La.: Candidly, Bucs coach Jon Gruden thought Chris Simms was a dead ringer for Joey Harrington – until Simms beat Washington and Atlanta in back-to-back weeks. Pick: Saints
Washington at St. Louis (+3): Joe Gibbs doesn't care if Mark Brunell or Patrick Ramsey play like Joey Harrington. Tony Stewart won the Nextel Cup Chase! Pick: Rams
Minnesota at Detroit (+2 ½ ): Before Dick Jauron even went to the bathroom as the Lions' new interim coach, he named Jeff Garcia the starter at quarterback, replacing Joey Harrington. Pick: Lions
Seattle at Philadelphia (+4): With former Lions QB Mike McMahon leading Philly to victory over Green Bay last week, Eagles coaches whispered to each other on the sideline, "Can you believe Detroit gave up on McMahon for Joey Harrington?" Pick: Eagles
~~~ Tigger
No one's jumping for Joey
07:36 PM CST on Saturday, December 3, 2005
Now we know why Barry Sanders – arguably the greatest running back of all time – looked like Phyllis Diller by the time his days in Detroit were done.
(How many franchises have driven their best player of all time to give back cash, hand over fist, so he can flee the organization like his thigh pads were on fire?)
Steve Mariucci was canned by Matt "MENSA" Millen, who – little known fact – has been the inspiration for every character created by the Farrelly brothers.
Dre Bly blamed Joey "The Piano Man" Harrington, which is like blaming the deck chairs for the drowning of the Titanic. Bly, like every pro athlete, is trying to talk himself onto a new team.
Let's face it, Mariucci should be ecstatic he escaped Detroit with some of his sanity intact. With every day spent at Ford Field, he was looking more and more like a **** Santa at closing time.
Only Paula Abdul and that high school coach caught on tape trying to illegally move the first-down marker would bet on the following picks against the line:
Dallas (+3) at NY Giants: Michael Irvin said a drug pipe and baggie with marijuana residue found in his car belonged to someone else. (Irvin initially tried to blame all his troubles on Joey Harrington.) Pick: Giants
Houston (+8 ½ ) at Baltimore: Charley Casserly and Dom Capers, who are in the running for The Lock's "Lenny and Squiggy Award," said things could be a lot worse than their 1-10 record: They said they could have drafted Joey Harrington in 2002 instead of David Carr. Pick: Texans
Arizona at San Francisco (+3): Ken Dorsey, Cody Pickett, it doesn't seem to make a difference who's throwing passes for the 49ers (just as long as it's not Joey Harrington.) Pick: Cardinals
Atlanta (+3) at Carolina: Falcons fans say the reason for Atlanta's recent struggles is that Michael Vick is trying to be too much of a pocket passer, too much like Joey Harrington. Pick: Panthers
Green Bay (+7) at Chicago: After looking at recent film of Brett Favre, Packers coaches fear there's something technically wrong with his delivery. They fear it too closely resembles that of Joey Harrington. Pick: Packers
Tennessee (+16) at Indianapolis: Steve McNair and Peyton Manning were co-MVPs of the NFL in 2003. After receiving the award, both quarterbacks looked at each other and said, "Thank God we're not Joey Harrington." Pick: Titans
Buffalo (+4 ½ ) at Miami: When the Bills drafted J.P. Losman, they distinctly wanted a scrambler, someone who could do things that couldn't be done by Joey Harrington. Pick: Dolphins
NY Jets (+10) at New England: After Tom Brady threw four interceptions in a loss last week, Bill Belichick told his staff in anger, "For crying out loud, Brady looked like Joey Harrington out there." Pick: Patriots
Cincinnati (+3) at Pittsburgh: The Bengals didn't play Carson Palmer at quarterback right away, instead letting Palmer watch from the sidelines as a rookie. They high-five each other for their decision after looking at Joey Harrington. Pick: Steelers
Oakland (+11 ½ ) at San Diego: The Chargers front office is ecstatic that Drew Brees, who got worse in each of his first three years, bounced back with a Pro Bowl year in his fourth season – unlike Joey Harrington. Pick: Chargers
Denver at Kansas City (+1): Jake Plummer used to be clean-shaven and inconsistent. After realizing that Joey Harrington was also clean-shaven, Plummer opted for a thicket of facial hair. Pick: Broncos
Jacksonville at Cleveland (+3): The Jaguars will have to go with David Garrard at QB the rest of the regular season in place of injured Byron Leftwich. Jaguars executives were heard saying, "At least we don't have to play Joey Harrington." Pick: Jags
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (+3 ½ ) at Baton Rouge, La.: Candidly, Bucs coach Jon Gruden thought Chris Simms was a dead ringer for Joey Harrington – until Simms beat Washington and Atlanta in back-to-back weeks. Pick: Saints
Washington at St. Louis (+3): Joe Gibbs doesn't care if Mark Brunell or Patrick Ramsey play like Joey Harrington. Tony Stewart won the Nextel Cup Chase! Pick: Rams
Minnesota at Detroit (+2 ½ ): Before Dick Jauron even went to the bathroom as the Lions' new interim coach, he named Jeff Garcia the starter at quarterback, replacing Joey Harrington. Pick: Lions
Seattle at Philadelphia (+4): With former Lions QB Mike McMahon leading Philly to victory over Green Bay last week, Eagles coaches whispered to each other on the sideline, "Can you believe Detroit gave up on McMahon for Joey Harrington?" Pick: Eagles
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