Nut, does this happen at your bar???

[mbates]

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[THE HAMMER]

mbates, thats some funny shit. good thing he wasnt taking a piss.

the hammer

[Baseball_Nut]

i like bar jokes

8.5/10


you should see some of the drunks in here.........the funniest is when their wives come in here and grab them by their ears and take them home.........TOO FUNNY:D :D :D

[knowlez]

NUT AND COMPANY I WAS SITTING A THE BAR THE OTHER NIGHT ALL TOASTED UP WHEN IN WALKS THIS BIG HEIFER WELL SHE SITS DOWN RIGHT BESIDE ME AND PROCEDS TO TELL ME SHE LOST 4 AND HALF POUNDS I SAID WHERE AT SHE POINTS TO HER ASS I SMILE AND SAY HEY BABY IF YOUR LOOKING FOR SEX YOUR IN THE WRONG BAR THEN I TAKE A DRINK A BEER AND THE CRAZY BITCH PICKS ME UP AND BODY SLAMS ME IT SUCKS TO BE A SMART ASS.

[mbates]

Another Bar Joke For The Nut

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

[PhilJr]

A guy walks into the bar and announces "I'm the biggest, baddest dude in Canada and I'm going to prove it." He proceeds to open a brief case and pull out a snapping turtle. He then drops his pants and lets the snapping turtle grab on to his penis. He stands there for a minute and then pokes the turtle in the eyes to make him let go.
He sets the snapping turtle back on the bar and pulls up his pants. He says " anybody else want to try that?" A little voice from the back of the bar says "I would like to try if you promise not to poke me in the eyes too hard."

[knowlez]

PHILJR I BET THAT LITTLE GUYS NAME WAS LES... I HEARD HE IS INTO WEIRD SHIT....

[Baseball_Nut]

thanks for the bar jokes

will do my best to come up with a chicken poem:D :cool: