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To the Bettors Chat Muckity Mucks ...
Spark knows what I mean hahahaha
I can only post 10 pictures per thread ... this severely cramps my style ( what style lol ) and most times I have to cut things short.
Anyway, we can increase the number of pics to 15 ?
Like for instance ... I was gonna post a picture of an orgy featuring Spark , Kaptain , 2 Sheep , 3 Panamanian Hookers, An Insurance Salesman, a Ukranian Body Builder , a Dental Hygienist and a Tuna on Rye ...
But I couldn't cause it would exceed the limit.
Please work on it ... if not , it's cool
Thanks in advance.
************************************************
THE BALE OUT ….
Attention : 2 Wise Men ( or anyone else who can help me ) …..
I’m really sick and tired of all this winning …
Every week I meet these fat asses in random parking lots who throw envelopes of cash on my dashboard, then waddle away ….
I’ll go home and sit all alone in a dark room, sad and depressed , because I won. Deep down I want to lose … I need to lose … and in this way I can truly feel sorry for myself … and that makes me happy.
I will never be content until I’ve lost it all.
So please … I’m begging you … give me wrong sides …
This way I can get fuckin’ buried ….
And then and only then …
I will truly be happy.
Signed,
Phillie The Jackass
************************************************** ****
A few weeks ago I got together with a few old college buddies for a reunion and you know , the usual stuff … some drinks and some laffs … so we were talking bout the great old days … the parties … the all nighters … and of course … the girls
So they asked me if I ever banged this one and that one and so and so .
I danced around the questions and just said :
“ How the fuck should I remember ??? Upside down , they all look the same “
************************************************** ****
“ A Fish out of Water “
Before this year’s Masters , entrepeneur and part time golfer Greg Norman said ( and it has been confirmed ) that Augusta National makes Bethpage’s Black Course look like a “pitch and putt.”
He then proceded to miss the cut by 12 strokes in Georgia , prompting his Friday evening exit.
I have a few fairly simple questions:
If the pros consistently shoot 8 – 15 strokes under par at Augusta , why is it that only 1 person in the world ( Tiger ) can break par on The Black Monster in a 4 round PGA Tournament ?
How will the New York crowds react to Mr. Norman’s insult when he tees it up next month ?
Will Mr. Norman even be able to complete 2 rounds of competitive golf there without the EMS having to flat bed his aging ass on the 15th hole on a sweltering Friday afternoon in June ?
Apparently Mr Norman hasn’t clue 1 as to how very impossible it will be for him to negotiate one of the world’s most grueling golf tracks.
Come next month , when he attempts to golf his ball in his first practice round , he will realize that he has written a check that his body , more specifically his central nervous system, will be unable to cash.
Mr. Norman is an otherwise classy gentleman, an international sportsman , but he made a error in judgment … ( WE ALL DO ) he is underestimating one of the world’s toughest courses … and for this disrespect The Shark will find himself on land …in deep , deep rough … deep bunkers … and in the hot sun endlessly searching high and low for a Titleist.
My best advice for him is to pack lightly, unless he wants to stick around for a while in New York …
And with all the money and the fame he’ll be able to do anything he wishes …
Except for one thing …
He will not be allowed to play Bethpage’s Black Monster on that Saturday or Sunday.
(What are the odds of me being wrong ??? Slim and None …
And I drove Slim to the airport this morning.)
************************************************** ********
I don’t know why I watched a little of the Houston / Portland game last week … I never look at Basketball ( it’s just me ) but I was flipping around and heard the name Greg Oden on the court. I vaguely remembered the name … then it dawned on me how very much announcers were making such a fuss over him during March Madness a few years ago … IT WAS SICKENING ... Ohio St. , Right ???
You know what ?
This guy stinks
************************************************** **
Why is this man still employed ?
My only reasonable guess is that making the playoffs ( let alone winning a post season game ) is not on Jerry Jones’ to - do list any more.
In case you don’t believe what I’m saying … here’s further proof ….
Rather than hitting his receivers , this fruitcake seems more interested in hitting a pitching wedge , or hitting some twat’s panoosh.
Let’s face it … he was never that good to begin with … And now that he’s lost focus , Tony Romo just might be the worst QB in the NFL.
( I’m not kiddin around, either )
************************************************** *****
How can anyone possibly swing a golf club correctly when their mind is preoccupied with Dick Bavetta’s Ass – Pipe ?
************************************************** ***********
When I was a kid I loved the Chicago Black Hawks … I used to see all their games at The Old Madison Square Garden.
I always thought their uniforms were the best in all of sports
Over the years they haven’t changed too much. They don’t need change.
They still are The Best By Far
************************************************** *****
Some NFL Draft Notes …
I heard that The Jets drafted USC QB Mark Sanchez …
Too bad.
When will these idiotic scouts ever learn NOT to get involved with any QB who’s college coach is an offensive genius ?
Pete Carroll made Matt Leinart look like a pro
Mike Billotti ( Oregon ) makes all his QB’s look like pros … Joey Harrington , Akili Smith , Kellen Clemens
Mike Leach ( Texas Tech ) makes EVERY offensive player on his team look like a pro …
Look for guys like Sanchez and Michael Crabtree to be busts.
The Colts drafter Curtis Painter from Purdue …
Not to be a QB of course ... he's awful
Painter's duties will be twofold:
1) Read bed time stories to Peyton when the team is on the road
and
2) "tweeze" the splinters out of Jim Sorgi's ass. And as you know , nobody gathers ass splinters better than Jim Sorgi ( except maybe David Carr )
Look … Guys from big time schools with genius head coaches usually fade away like the skidmarks on Julius Peppers shorts after dunking them in a gallon of Clorox Bleach.
Note: All this doesn’t matter because The NFL Draft means nothing to us as far as our plan to beat up the fat ass books this and every season. For me, handicapping is all situational …. and personalities have really very little or nothing to do with decision making.
I know there’s more than one way to skin a cat …and we each have our own method. While most people cap games based on the ABILITY of the teams I think this is a trap. For me , “ability” has little or nothing to do with picking a winner … it more often than not steers us to picking the wrong side.
**************************************************
American Idol Fans …
Up until last week Adam Lambert was a virtual lock to win it all …
Then all of a sudden he received the 4th highest # of votes with 5 contestants left
That’s freakin wild
Somehow I think this Idol Program is not entirely on the up and up.
And because it is a “ Reality Show ” … maybe it does not have to be 100% Legit … (legally speaking )
Maybe it’s just me ,. does it seem that Simon Cowell appears to be a First Rate Fortune 500 Con Artist ?
Those Limeys really know how to suck music money out of Young Americans … they’ve been doing it for the last half century with some real crappy music from people with catchy names . Kids go more wild for the name, rather than the songs. We’re a real pushover and will buy just about anything, as long is the name is cutesy.
************************************************** ****
We were playing The Black Course last weekend and my friend was having a real tough time .....
When we arrived at the 8th hole , a 190 yard par 3 from an elevated green guarded by water in front , Dan said to me : “ I feel like drowning myself in that lake “
I snapped back : “ It will never happen … you couldn’t keep your head down long enough “
After he good naturedly told me: “Go Fuck Yourself “ , he hit it to 3 feet and made the bird.
We laffed our asses off and had a great time.
************************************************** **
And lastly ….
What really took place the day of Bernard Madoff's sentencing
Held in private chambers , in attendance were The Judge , Mr. Madoff , his attornies , the prosecutor and his gang , and the court stenographer ( who had the kind of ass you could eat lunch on )
Why was I there ?
Because my Uncle Anthony , a big time caterer in New York , was contracted to set up the buffet and asked me to help.
( " We all gotta eat, right ? " is my unc's favorite expression )
My job was to supply the cold cuts and ice cubes and I went the extra mile by furnishing everyone with decorative party hats ... the kind that we wear at lame New Year's Eve Parties. My uncle praised me for my ingenuity and ambition, and slipped me an extra C-Note later on.
At first , things got off to a bad start over the food display.
Half the people wanted lox , bagels , whitefish , sturgeon , sliced tomatoes , onions , creme cheese , and an assortment of pickles.
The others wanted Italian.
After 2 hours of heated arguments , they all settled on Chinese.
Anyway ... after lunch , the judge got right to the point ... short and sweet ... and gave Mr. Madoff a choice of sentencing :
" Mr Madoff you can do either of 2 things ... Number 1 ... you can sit in a room for 2 consequetive days and nights , listening to sports talk with Mike Francesca , Brett Mussburger , Bob Davie , and Marv Albert ....
or
Spend the rest of your natural life locked in an 8' X 10' cell without any chance for parole ... lights out every night at 10:00 PM , no TV , no Radio , no books , no nothing except a metal toilet.
So what will it be , Mr Madoff ? "
Madoff and his attornies thought about it for 10 seconds, then jumped up and screamed all at once ...
" The Second One Judge ... Please !!!! The Second One !!!! "
************************************************
************************************************
Spark knows what I mean hahahaha
I can only post 10 pictures per thread ... this severely cramps my style ( what style lol ) and most times I have to cut things short.
Anyway, we can increase the number of pics to 15 ?
Like for instance ... I was gonna post a picture of an orgy featuring Spark , Kaptain , 2 Sheep , 3 Panamanian Hookers, An Insurance Salesman, a Ukranian Body Builder , a Dental Hygienist and a Tuna on Rye ...
But I couldn't cause it would exceed the limit.
Please work on it ... if not , it's cool
Thanks in advance.
************************************************
THE BALE OUT ….
Attention : 2 Wise Men ( or anyone else who can help me ) …..
I’m really sick and tired of all this winning …
Every week I meet these fat asses in random parking lots who throw envelopes of cash on my dashboard, then waddle away ….
I’ll go home and sit all alone in a dark room, sad and depressed , because I won. Deep down I want to lose … I need to lose … and in this way I can truly feel sorry for myself … and that makes me happy.
I will never be content until I’ve lost it all.
So please … I’m begging you … give me wrong sides …
This way I can get fuckin’ buried ….
And then and only then …
I will truly be happy.
Signed,
Phillie The Jackass
************************************************** ****
A few weeks ago I got together with a few old college buddies for a reunion and you know , the usual stuff … some drinks and some laffs … so we were talking bout the great old days … the parties … the all nighters … and of course … the girls
So they asked me if I ever banged this one and that one and so and so .
I danced around the questions and just said :
“ How the fuck should I remember ??? Upside down , they all look the same “
************************************************** ****
“ A Fish out of Water “
Before this year’s Masters , entrepeneur and part time golfer Greg Norman said ( and it has been confirmed ) that Augusta National makes Bethpage’s Black Course look like a “pitch and putt.”
He then proceded to miss the cut by 12 strokes in Georgia , prompting his Friday evening exit.
I have a few fairly simple questions:
If the pros consistently shoot 8 – 15 strokes under par at Augusta , why is it that only 1 person in the world ( Tiger ) can break par on The Black Monster in a 4 round PGA Tournament ?
How will the New York crowds react to Mr. Norman’s insult when he tees it up next month ?
Will Mr. Norman even be able to complete 2 rounds of competitive golf there without the EMS having to flat bed his aging ass on the 15th hole on a sweltering Friday afternoon in June ?
Apparently Mr Norman hasn’t clue 1 as to how very impossible it will be for him to negotiate one of the world’s most grueling golf tracks.
Come next month , when he attempts to golf his ball in his first practice round , he will realize that he has written a check that his body , more specifically his central nervous system, will be unable to cash.
Mr. Norman is an otherwise classy gentleman, an international sportsman , but he made a error in judgment … ( WE ALL DO ) he is underestimating one of the world’s toughest courses … and for this disrespect The Shark will find himself on land …in deep , deep rough … deep bunkers … and in the hot sun endlessly searching high and low for a Titleist.
My best advice for him is to pack lightly, unless he wants to stick around for a while in New York …
And with all the money and the fame he’ll be able to do anything he wishes …
Except for one thing …
He will not be allowed to play Bethpage’s Black Monster on that Saturday or Sunday.
(What are the odds of me being wrong ??? Slim and None …
And I drove Slim to the airport this morning.)
************************************************** ********
I don’t know why I watched a little of the Houston / Portland game last week … I never look at Basketball ( it’s just me ) but I was flipping around and heard the name Greg Oden on the court. I vaguely remembered the name … then it dawned on me how very much announcers were making such a fuss over him during March Madness a few years ago … IT WAS SICKENING ... Ohio St. , Right ???
You know what ?
This guy stinks
************************************************** **
Why is this man still employed ?
My only reasonable guess is that making the playoffs ( let alone winning a post season game ) is not on Jerry Jones’ to - do list any more.
In case you don’t believe what I’m saying … here’s further proof ….
Rather than hitting his receivers , this fruitcake seems more interested in hitting a pitching wedge , or hitting some twat’s panoosh.
Let’s face it … he was never that good to begin with … And now that he’s lost focus , Tony Romo just might be the worst QB in the NFL.
( I’m not kiddin around, either )
************************************************** *****
How can anyone possibly swing a golf club correctly when their mind is preoccupied with Dick Bavetta’s Ass – Pipe ?
************************************************** ***********
When I was a kid I loved the Chicago Black Hawks … I used to see all their games at The Old Madison Square Garden.
I always thought their uniforms were the best in all of sports
Over the years they haven’t changed too much. They don’t need change.
They still are The Best By Far
************************************************** *****
Some NFL Draft Notes …
I heard that The Jets drafted USC QB Mark Sanchez …
Too bad.
When will these idiotic scouts ever learn NOT to get involved with any QB who’s college coach is an offensive genius ?
Pete Carroll made Matt Leinart look like a pro
Mike Billotti ( Oregon ) makes all his QB’s look like pros … Joey Harrington , Akili Smith , Kellen Clemens
Mike Leach ( Texas Tech ) makes EVERY offensive player on his team look like a pro …
Look for guys like Sanchez and Michael Crabtree to be busts.
The Colts drafter Curtis Painter from Purdue …
Not to be a QB of course ... he's awful
Painter's duties will be twofold:
1) Read bed time stories to Peyton when the team is on the road
and
2) "tweeze" the splinters out of Jim Sorgi's ass. And as you know , nobody gathers ass splinters better than Jim Sorgi ( except maybe David Carr )
Look … Guys from big time schools with genius head coaches usually fade away like the skidmarks on Julius Peppers shorts after dunking them in a gallon of Clorox Bleach.
Note: All this doesn’t matter because The NFL Draft means nothing to us as far as our plan to beat up the fat ass books this and every season. For me, handicapping is all situational …. and personalities have really very little or nothing to do with decision making.
I know there’s more than one way to skin a cat …and we each have our own method. While most people cap games based on the ABILITY of the teams I think this is a trap. For me , “ability” has little or nothing to do with picking a winner … it more often than not steers us to picking the wrong side.
**************************************************
American Idol Fans …
Up until last week Adam Lambert was a virtual lock to win it all …
Then all of a sudden he received the 4th highest # of votes with 5 contestants left
That’s freakin wild
Somehow I think this Idol Program is not entirely on the up and up.
And because it is a “ Reality Show ” … maybe it does not have to be 100% Legit … (legally speaking )
Maybe it’s just me ,. does it seem that Simon Cowell appears to be a First Rate Fortune 500 Con Artist ?
Those Limeys really know how to suck music money out of Young Americans … they’ve been doing it for the last half century with some real crappy music from people with catchy names . Kids go more wild for the name, rather than the songs. We’re a real pushover and will buy just about anything, as long is the name is cutesy.
************************************************** ****
We were playing The Black Course last weekend and my friend was having a real tough time .....
When we arrived at the 8th hole , a 190 yard par 3 from an elevated green guarded by water in front , Dan said to me : “ I feel like drowning myself in that lake “
I snapped back : “ It will never happen … you couldn’t keep your head down long enough “
After he good naturedly told me: “Go Fuck Yourself “ , he hit it to 3 feet and made the bird.
We laffed our asses off and had a great time.
************************************************** **
And lastly ….
What really took place the day of Bernard Madoff's sentencing
Held in private chambers , in attendance were The Judge , Mr. Madoff , his attornies , the prosecutor and his gang , and the court stenographer ( who had the kind of ass you could eat lunch on )
Why was I there ?
Because my Uncle Anthony , a big time caterer in New York , was contracted to set up the buffet and asked me to help.
( " We all gotta eat, right ? " is my unc's favorite expression )
My job was to supply the cold cuts and ice cubes and I went the extra mile by furnishing everyone with decorative party hats ... the kind that we wear at lame New Year's Eve Parties. My uncle praised me for my ingenuity and ambition, and slipped me an extra C-Note later on.
At first , things got off to a bad start over the food display.
Half the people wanted lox , bagels , whitefish , sturgeon , sliced tomatoes , onions , creme cheese , and an assortment of pickles.
The others wanted Italian.
After 2 hours of heated arguments , they all settled on Chinese.
Anyway ... after lunch , the judge got right to the point ... short and sweet ... and gave Mr. Madoff a choice of sentencing :
" Mr Madoff you can do either of 2 things ... Number 1 ... you can sit in a room for 2 consequetive days and nights , listening to sports talk with Mike Francesca , Brett Mussburger , Bob Davie , and Marv Albert ....
or
Spend the rest of your natural life locked in an 8' X 10' cell without any chance for parole ... lights out every night at 10:00 PM , no TV , no Radio , no books , no nothing except a metal toilet.
So what will it be , Mr Madoff ? "
Madoff and his attornies thought about it for 10 seconds, then jumped up and screamed all at once ...
" The Second One Judge ... Please !!!! The Second One !!!! "
************************************************
************************************************
U-C-O-N-N = Uconn! Uconn! Uconn!
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