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Well folks it arrived.....the 2008 college football scouting report!
The following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I
college football coaches:
Alabama recruit Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6', 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
Hottest pr ospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music.
Will demand a mini cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record
for the most 'you knows' during an interview ( 62 in one minute).
Wayfron can print his complete name.
Michigan recruit Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3', 220 lbs.. Running
Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C.
Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has
been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19' TV under
each arm.
Ohio State Recruit
Roosevelt 'Dude' Dansell: 6' 1', 195 lbs. Running Back. From
Tyler,Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very
well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to
change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as
'red brick.'
Miami Recruit
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8', 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation
welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims
Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter
trial pending but feels he will be found innocent because, as he put
it, 'The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma.' On his entrance form,
he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Auburn Recruit
Willie 'Night Train' Smith: 6'4', 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an
Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thought
the 'N' on Nebraska's helmets stoods for 'Nowledge,' but still met
this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing
number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his College Entrance
Exam.
Miami Recruit
Tyrone 'Python' Peoples: 6'10', 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9
victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent
with six other colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes
wild women and red Cadillac's. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican
Telephone Company.
University of FLA. Recruit
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10', 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion.
Abdul thinks Sher lock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville.
Doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear.' (Doesn't know the meaning
of many other words, either.)
ACC AND SEC ONLY
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above
assignees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting
gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar
alarm....this, they hope, will keep the runners alert. =
The following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I
college football coaches:
Alabama recruit Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6', 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
Hottest pr ospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music.
Will demand a mini cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record
for the most 'you knows' during an interview ( 62 in one minute).
Wayfron can print his complete name.
Michigan recruit Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3', 220 lbs.. Running
Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C.
Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has
been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19' TV under
each arm.
Ohio State Recruit
Roosevelt 'Dude' Dansell: 6' 1', 195 lbs. Running Back. From
Tyler,Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very
well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to
change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as
'red brick.'
Miami Recruit
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8', 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation
welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims
Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter
trial pending but feels he will be found innocent because, as he put
it, 'The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma.' On his entrance form,
he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Auburn Recruit
Willie 'Night Train' Smith: 6'4', 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an
Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thought
the 'N' on Nebraska's helmets stoods for 'Nowledge,' but still met
this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing
number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his College Entrance
Exam.
Miami Recruit
Tyrone 'Python' Peoples: 6'10', 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9
victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent
with six other colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes
wild women and red Cadillac's. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican
Telephone Company.
University of FLA. Recruit
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10', 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion.
Abdul thinks Sher lock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville.
Doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear.' (Doesn't know the meaning
of many other words, either.)
ACC AND SEC ONLY
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above
assignees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting
gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar
alarm....this, they hope, will keep the runners alert. =
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