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*To all Males [ and most you men ]*

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  • *To all Males [ and most you men ]*

    Why are Women so Cranky ? :

    We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender , blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the Almighty Training Bra , the contraption that most boys in school will snap untill we have calluses on our backs.



    Next , we get our periods in our early to mid-teens [or sooner]with those budding blooms , we now bloat , we cramp , we get horrible crankies , have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular , packed cotton rods in places we didnt know we had .


    Our next little rite of passage [premarital or not] is having sex for the first time , which is about as much fun as having a ram-rod push your uterus thru your nostirils [IF he did it right and didnt end up with his little cart before his horse ] leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about ?


    Then its off to motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we dont spend the entire day on the toilet . Of course , amazing creatures that we are [ and we are ] , we learn to live with the growing angels inside us steadily kicking our inards out night and day , making us wonder if we are having Rosemarys Baby . Our once flat tummies are now looking like we swallowed a watermellon whole and we pee our pants everytime we sneeze. When the big moment arrives we are in the middle of a **** and the "Nether Region" will burst and off to the E.R. Then its huff and puff [and beg to die] while the OB says " stop screaming Mrs. Hearhermoan . Calm down and push . Just one more push [or 10] good pushes ! [warranting a strong urge to deliver a well deserved punch to the little bastad [and the hubby] for making us cram a wiggling mushroom headed 10 lb. bowling ball thru a keyhole !


    After that , its time to raise those little angels only to find out that they turn into little darling morphs that jabber , get wet , gooey , snot-blowing , life sucking little poop machines .

    The teen years , need I say more ? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30`s , while hubby had his in his mid 18`s [which happens to be why you got pregnant in the 1st place ]

    Now we hit the grang finale : " Menopause " the grandmother of all womanhood . Its either take the HRT and chance cancer in those aforementioned buds [seasoned] or the same "Nether Regions ", or sweat like a hog in july wash your sheets and pillow cases daily and bite the head off anything that moves .

    Now , you ask why are we so much more spiteful than men , when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on lifes cake : Being able to pee without getting thier socks wet !

    I love being a women but womanhood would make the "Great Ghandi " a wee-bit crabby !

    Women are the weaker sex ...... Yeah right ..... Bite Me


    Now you know why I just had to invade your world and excell at it !


    G.L.

    ***MMM***

    :cool: :cool: :cool:

    ps. fellas "yahoo on the hit "
    " The Wind Does Not Wait For The Tree To Bend "

  • #2
    "WOMAN": A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

    Element: Woman
    Symbol: Wo
    Discoverer: Adam
    Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg, may vary from 40 - 200 kg
    Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas

    Physical properties:
    1. Surface usually covered in painted film
    2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
    3. Melts if given special treatment
    4. Bitter if incorrectly used
    5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore
    6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points


    Chemical Properties:
    1. Has great affinity for gold, silver,and a range of precious stones
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
    3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no reason
    4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation
    in alcohol
    5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

    Common Uses:
    1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
    2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
    3. Very effective cleaning agent

    Tests:
    1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
    2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

    Potential Hazards:
    1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
    2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do no come into direct contact with each other

    WARNING:

    PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE
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    • #3
      I'm sure we all know what you mean MM (TCB) and feel for you, but Art that was pretty damm good. LMMFAO!

      Comment


      • #4
        Samuel Clemens take

        "What,Sir,would the people of the earth be without woman?They would be scarce,sir,almighty scarce." Speech,Jan.11, 1868

        "There is nothing comparable to the endurance of a woman.In military life she would tire out an army of men, either in camp or on the march." Mark Twain's Autobiography

        Beavers are our furry friends.

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        • #5
          The human species is generally ignoble, and exceptions to this are nearly all female.
          sigpic

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          • #6
            I threw this out :

            To get a few chuckles and guff-haws out of the room , and knew in my heart that knowlez might invade this thread and make me blush , but Art !

            You Sir are a rascal , and I see I have to suit up to take you to the wall !



            G.L.

            ***MMM***

            :cool: :cool: :cool:
            " The Wind Does Not Wait For The Tree To Bend "

            Comment


            • #7
              MEMPHIS I CANT SAY A THING HERBIE LOVES THE LADIES AND HIS FAVORITE SONG IS IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME. I SING THIS AT OUR LOCAL HOT SPOT AND HERB JUST LOVES IT AS DO THE LADIES. THEY GIVE HERB A LITTLE SPECIAL TREATMENT FOR A ENCORE.

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              • #8
                knowlez

                I think you say so much when you say so little , and I would take odds on herbie any day !



                You live in Iowa ? was wondering because I get down there once a year at the nationals [they are close by] and would like you to escort me for a evening of fun & cavorting . I bet we would have a blast ?

                G.L.

                ***MMM***

                :cool: :cool: :cool:
                " The Wind Does Not Wait For The Tree To Bend "

                Comment


                • #9
                  YES AND I LIVE ABOUT 10 MINUTES FROM KNOXVILLE. SOUNDS LIKE FUN TO ME.

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