Funny Farm.............

[wayne1218]

Milking Machine

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun
was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the
instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry,"replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."

[wayne1218]

Who cuts the grass

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung." I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened RayBan Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey bitch and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why SHE cuts the grass. :D

[Trotter]

Are you amusing yourself in here? I think I might contribute....

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender come over and says "Why the long face?"

[Homer]

[wayne1218]

:D I figured a little laugh never hurt anyone. Good Luck today Trotter :D

[chalkeater]

a termite walks into a bar and asks, "where is the bar tender"?

[Trotter]

Thanks Wayne, you too....., I got a zillion more jokes, some I can't put on here though...I'll think of a few more......


Dog walks into a saloon back in the ole western days and bellies up to the bar and hollers at the bartender for a bourbon, bartender ignores his request so the dog hollers back at the barkeep "How bout a bourbon over here !!"...finally the bartender mosies over and says "Listen up mutt, we don't serve your type here, you best leave before trouble comes a knockin " The dog gets furious and screams back "BullShit, give me a bourbon" **BANG !!!!!** Out of nowhere a single shot is heard, the dog lets out a huge yelp and limps out of the saloon...an hour goes by when suddenly the doors swing open at the saloon, there stands the pissed off dog with a bandaged foot...6-shooters at his side and he's ready to draw...silence falls over the patrons at the saloon why he stands there grimacing and looks over the place...he then yells out " I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw"

:D

[wayne1218]

WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE??

The day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked aLittle boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"