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Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Bush Was a Fictitious Character
Loses to Easter Bunny, Aquaman in Theoretical Match-ups
In perhaps the most troubling sign yet for his presidency, a poll released today shows that a majority of Americans wish that George W. Bush was a fictitious character rather than a real person.
Mr. Bush's popularity has taken some serious hits in recent months, but the new survey marks the first time that over fifty percent of respondents indicated that they wished the president was a figment of their imagination.
When asked the question, "If you could choose whether George W. Bush was a real person or a fictitious character," 51% said "fictitious character" while only 42% said "real person," with the remaining 7% responding, "George W. Bush is a fictitious character."
Even more troubling for the president is the survey's conclusion that in theoretical match-ups with other fictitious characters, Mr. Bush would be trounced.
According to the poll, which has a margin of error of 5 percentage points, if an election were held today between Mr. Bush and the superhero Aquaman, Mr. Bush would lose to Aquaman by a margin of two-to-one.
And Mr. Bush would suffer a similar fate in hypothetical face-offs with such other fictitious characters as the Little Mermaid, the Easter Bunny, and SpongeBob SquarePants.
At the White House, spokesman Tony Snow said the poll results were, in their own way, "good news" for the president.
"The American people want the president to be fictitious," Mr. Snow said. "Well, his reasons for invading Iraq were fictitious, so he's really meeting them halfway."
Elsewhere, experts say that Britney Spears' hair could fetch as much as $1 million, while her brain could go for $300.
PS Avoce is from today's Borowitz Report.
Loses to Easter Bunny, Aquaman in Theoretical Match-ups
In perhaps the most troubling sign yet for his presidency, a poll released today shows that a majority of Americans wish that George W. Bush was a fictitious character rather than a real person.
Mr. Bush's popularity has taken some serious hits in recent months, but the new survey marks the first time that over fifty percent of respondents indicated that they wished the president was a figment of their imagination.
When asked the question, "If you could choose whether George W. Bush was a real person or a fictitious character," 51% said "fictitious character" while only 42% said "real person," with the remaining 7% responding, "George W. Bush is a fictitious character."
Even more troubling for the president is the survey's conclusion that in theoretical match-ups with other fictitious characters, Mr. Bush would be trounced.
According to the poll, which has a margin of error of 5 percentage points, if an election were held today between Mr. Bush and the superhero Aquaman, Mr. Bush would lose to Aquaman by a margin of two-to-one.
And Mr. Bush would suffer a similar fate in hypothetical face-offs with such other fictitious characters as the Little Mermaid, the Easter Bunny, and SpongeBob SquarePants.
At the White House, spokesman Tony Snow said the poll results were, in their own way, "good news" for the president.
"The American people want the president to be fictitious," Mr. Snow said. "Well, his reasons for invading Iraq were fictitious, so he's really meeting them halfway."
Elsewhere, experts say that Britney Spears' hair could fetch as much as $1 million, while her brain could go for $300.
PS Avoce is from today's Borowitz Report.
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