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I hadn’t planned on Shooting again until football season but I have to come in and say a few words about one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard.
It has to do with game 4 of the Lakers / Suns Series … the one on a Sunday afternoon in LA … the double miracle game … where Nash had the ball and his team 2 point lead with seconds winding down … a certain fouling situation … Nash makes 2 ... see ya ... shouldn't have to smell ya ... but was double teamed desperately by 2 Lakers … yeah that’s the one !!! … when the refs put ear plugs on and refused to acknowledge Nash’s sceaming “ Time … TIME OUT !
Instead , the deaf refs called a jump ball with 9.7 seconds left. LA controlled the tip and Bryant raced down the court and scored on a short , high arcing shot to force OT.
You know the rest … another last second miracle in OT and LA stole a 1 point win .
Anyway …. The following day on WFAN Radio Bryant was interviewed and was asked what was going through his mind right before the jump ball with 9.7 remaining.
And this is what he had the nerve to say :
“ Ummmm .... Well … I performed all my calculations and got mentally ready “
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What an insult .
Say what ?????
Calculations ???
Which calculations , Kobe ?
Looking at the clock and seeing 9.7 seconds … and there’s the tip … “ummmm … 1 Mississippi … 2 Mississippi … 3 Mississippi … 4 Mississippi …. 5 Mississippi …. 6 Mississippi …. 7 Mississippi … 8 Mississippi …. 9 “
Or did you do it the impossibly complicated way by counting backwards from 9.7 .... " Ummmm … 9.7 … 9 Mississippi … 8 Mississippi … 7 Mississippi …. Ummmmm … awwwwwww Fuck It , I gots to shoot de ball “.
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Hey Dunce … Every 5 year old on earth can time off 10 seconds … it’s no big deal … so don’t insult us by making anything more of what you do other than what it is. You’re just a basketball player and what you do requires THE LEAST AMOUNT OF THINKING of any of the major “ Sports “ in the USA ... or for that matter ... any job in the world.
There is no thought … there are no calculations . If there were, you and the likes of “ Shaq “ and 98% of all NBA players for that matter would be teaching gym … or shining shoes … washing cars ... or moonlighting doing all three.
So thank your personal God for a jumpshot and try not to talk with such stupidity. It insults our intellect.
“Calculations” ... Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha
Just remember … you’re 1 more screw up away from making license plates and spot welding desks in some filthy penitentary.
So shut the fuck up and just keep doing what comes Naturally … and with no thought involved.
Calculations .... like this "BOOM - BER - EYE - ASS - HOLE " solved a quadratic equation at the Time Out just before the jump ball .
Please Note Well :
Before I hear screams of racism let me just say that The NHL is just one very small step above the NBA on the Cerebro – Athletic Food Chain. And I’ve always said that of all the quarterbacks to ever play in the NFL , Vinnie Testaverde was the least intelligent.
You know why Baseball is America's Pastime ? Because it always was and always will be The True Thinking Man's Sport.
See you soon,
Your Pal
-cb
It's always noon somewhere! 
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